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Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / August 2004"Hypothetical Situation"
Hello all, this is my first time posting a message in this group. I just wasn't getting answers from other sources, so I thought I might cry out into cyber-space to see if anyone being tossed by these waves of zeros and ones, as I am, might have some insight into this issue. I lived for a few years in a former Soviet country. While I was there I noticed that the orphanages were very full, in most cases over crowded. My heart went out to these children, but at that time I was young and barely able to take care of all of my needs and I couldn't take upon myself the responsibilty of caring for another. I am married now, and have been for half a decade. I've always wanted to be a parent but my spouse doesn't really want to deal with the headaches that come with having a new born child. So, as a compromise I suggested that we look into bringing a few kids from this former Soviet country over to Canada. When I did the research on traditional means of adopting those children I discovered that the costs where unbelievable, and it would almost be impossible for us to do it that way. So, in my mind I began to hatch a different plan. I know that in Canada it is much less expensive for a citizen to adopt an older orphan who is a ward of the crown. I was curious if the same apllies in the former USSR? If it were possible for a citizen over there to adopt a few children. Then I would invite that friend for a visit to Canada. That friend would then decide that the new children are too much to handle and would ask me on humanitarian basis to adopt the children from them. Would something like that work? Does anyone know if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Puppies and kittens are cheaper... > Hello all, this is my first time posting a message in this group. I > just wasn't getting answers from other sources, so I thought I might [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Johnny, Thanks for stating the obvious, don't you love it when people give you a sarcastic and cynical answer to a sincerely asked question? Has no one thought of this possibility before or is it just that no one has experience with it so they are unable to give a productive suggestion. I am serious about this. As far as I'm concerned any child living in North America already has a great advantage over those stuck in countries less blessed than ours. The more children we can get out of those diplorable situations the better. Please, does anyone have any good advice? Thank you, Scooter > Puppies and kittens are cheaper... > [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Johnny, Thanks for stating the obvious, don't you love it when people give you a sarcastic and cynical answer to a sincerely asked question? Has no one thought of this possibility before or is it just that no one has experience with it so they are unable to give a productive suggestion. I am serious about this. As far as I'm concerned any child living in North America already has a great advantage over those stuck in countries less blessed than ours. The more children we can get out of those diplorable situations the better. Please, does anyone have any good advice? Thank you, Scooter > Puppies and kittens are cheaper... > [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. So sorry to have disappointed you with my answer. I would have elaborated further with my disgust of your hypothetical situation, but I chose to be sarcastic instead. You don't want to really know what I am thinking of your "question"... > Johnny, > Thanks for stating the obvious, don't you love it when people give [quoted text clipped - 41 lines] > > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Johnny, Sometimes I hate the way e-mail messages and posts like this come across to the people who read them. I have no idea who you are and what your background is with adoption, but I do know that it is a sensitive issue for anyone who goes through it. It is hard for the child that is being adopted if he is old enough to realize what is happening, it is hard for the adoptive parents because of the emotional rollercoaster they are put on, and if there is one involved, it is hard for the mother (usually) to give her child up. I have personal experience with this. My younger sister got pregnant when she was 18. The father didn't want to have anything to do with the child or her after he found out. She kept level headed enough to realize that she would not be able to provide this baby with a home environment that she wished for him to have. She was uneducated, having dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, and she was unemployed. She decided to give her baby up for adoption. Everything was kept very open and she chose a young couple who were friends of the family,who couldn't have children of their own to be his adoptive parents. This meant that she would she her baby periodically, although they did live in different cities, and the adoptive parents were very accommodating about that. Does this mean it was easy, since she had planned things ahead of time, and everything was basically set before she had her boy. No, of course not. In fact after she gave birth she suddenly changed her mind and decided to keep her new born son. No one could reason with her, the maternal bonds were just too strong to break. The supposed adoptive parents decided that it was useless to stay and were preparing to fly home, when again my sister changed her mind and decided to let them adopt her boy after all. Was that easy for anyone involved? No, but the point is that my sister's son is living in one of the best countries to live in in the entire world. He has parents who love him and are raising him well. Now, I think back to those crying babies, sad faced toddlers, and depressed school age children that I saw in the orphanages of the former Soviet Union and ask myself, "Why don't they deserve the same chance that my sister's son had?" Right now the only thing stopping me from making it a reality is the red tape and the cost of bringing even one of those children, living in circumstances that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, over here. If there is any way around it I would like to know. So, yes Johnny I do want to know what you are thinking about my question. I wouldn't have asked it if I was afraid of being offended by the answer. At least I may learn something, even if it is only what questions I am allowed to ask in this group. So please, let loose, give it to me with both barrels, and don't hold back anything. I think that is more productive than just confusing me by saying that you're disgusted by my hypothetical situation and guessing that I really wouldn't want to know what you are thinking. If I didn't want to know, I would not have asked. Scoot > So sorry to have disappointed you with my answer. I would have elaborated > further with my disgust of your hypothetical situation, but I chose to be [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > > > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Well let's put it this way. I am an adoptee who remembers being in an orphanage, so I do believe I am qualified to speak on this subject. Why not "save the children" languishing in the United States orphanages? Do they not have first rights to have a home here in the US, than a child from a foreign country? While I can sympathize the plight of the children elsewhere in the world, until the orphanages of the United States of America are empty, there is no reason what so ever to bring children from other countries here. Does that help clarify? Don't even get me started about "adoptive parents"........ > Johnny, > Sometimes I hate the way e-mail messages and posts like this come [quoted text clipped - 99 lines] > > > > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > > > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Hello Johnny, I have been putting off posting a reply to your last post because I could not see how this unfriendly banter between the two of us could help either of us or anyone who may happen to read these words. But, the topic has been eating away at me and the subject just will not leave my mind. So, this will be the last post I write to you directly on this topic. I wanted to apologize to you for saying something in my initial post that did not set well with you. I cannot pretend to know everyone's background or current situation, so I can only write from my point of view. If it offends some people, so be it, if it helps others, then that would be a desirable outcome. I am only guessing here, but I think maybe the differences between our two countries may be enough to tilt one's opinion to one side or the other. To give more tangible meaning to what I am trying to say, I am just going to quote a few statistics about Canada and the USA. Canada is the second largest nation in the world in terms of land mass. It covers an area of 3,851,809 square miles. With a population of 31,902,268, that means there are 8.2 people/square mile. The United States has an area of 3,717,813 sq miles and a population of 280,562,489, that means there are 75.5 people/square mile. This is quite a significant difference in terms of population density. As well Canada has a slightly more socialist government framework. Which means a lot of tax dollars go into social programs like health care and child welfare? To add a more personal note to this message, my father in law is an orphan and spent the first part of his life in orphanages or foster homes. Finally when he was fifteen years old he was adopted by his last foster parents. I had a good heart to heart conversation with him about his life before he was adopted and it was hard for him to even talk about it. He told me that it wasn't an easy life at all, never really knowing when he would be shipped off to some new home and always wondering why he was abandoned by his mother. But, even after saying that he admitted that he would far rather be an orphan in Canada than one in a country like Russia. To answer your question about orphans in the USA having first rights to have a home here in the US, maybe they do. But, my point is there are well established programs in place to allow someone to provide that home. Although a child from a foreign country has just as much right to the bounty we enjoy in North America. Unless you are an aboriginal person, somewhere in your past your ancestors left conditions they no longer wanted to deal with to come to the new world. Feel free to continue working on emptying the orphanages in the United States, I hope it happens soon. In Canada right now, our population would be in decline if our government didn't allow wealthy foreigners to immigrate to here. I believe that for someone like me who has the language capabilities and other necessities to welcome some Russian orphans into a better life, it would be a far better thing for me to do. Thank you for sharing with me your experiences and point of view. I believe I have learned from you. If you do have any knowledge about how I can accomplish my plan, do let me know, but if you are just going to tear down my good intentions this is where I'll end my part of this correspondence. > Well let's put it this way. I am an adoptee who remembers being in an > orphanage, so I do believe I am qualified to speak on this subject. Why not [quoted text clipped - 110 lines] > > > > > > if that is possible? Thank you for spending the time to read this. > > > > > > And thank you in advance for any advice you can give. |
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