Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / May 2004

Yeah, yeah it is always those bio kids that need all the reassurance
and get to experience "sibling rivalry" while the adopted/foster
whatever child/person just has to "let" everyone else get used to
his/her presence and make sure that everything is okay with them.
HELLO!!! Doesn't it ever seem odd? The last time I visited my bfam,
well birth uncle, aunt and first cousins (who are my reason for
remaining in a reunion), my bsister found out I was coming to town,
told her/my brother and on two occasions they both managed to end up
in the same parking lots we were in, only to make a big production of
ignoring me.  I mean if it wasn't such a snotty thing to do I would
have laughed they looked so ridiculous.  The funny thing is, I said
that I would never intrude on anyone, they obviously don't want to
know me and I really don't dig drama scenes so I said IF I come visit,
I really only want to see a few people.  It's just amazing to me how
STUPID some people can be (well jealous, petty and small minded come
to mind also).  They love having me around because there is always
great gossip...like pssst did you hear that now she doesn't know who
her birthfather is, psssssssst do you really think so and so will talk
to her.  I just find it ironic how other birthfamily members in
certain reunions that I read about (mine included) can treat people
dreadfully and yet the adoptee is to walk cautiously so as not to
tread on the delicate feelings of the kept kids.  For heavens sake.
My birthgrandmother actually told me that even if she did have an idea
who my birthfather is she'd NOT tell me because well, gee his kids
might get jealous like my brother and sister did.  Harumph!  Well, duh
that makes sense okay, I'll never wonder now.

What's funny is that I don't think about this too much anymore, but
every now and again I can read an article, clipping or something like
the above mentioned and it hits a real sore spot.

and yes, I know (before I get hammered on the head) that plenty of
adoptees have trampled on their respective birthparents as
well...there is hurt to go around for all in this mess.