Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / September 2004

My daughter is writing an essay on her life for school.  It's a work in
progress, I hope she'll add several more pages.  I thought it was worth
posting... (names have been omitted to protect her privacy).

< begin >

"All About My Life"

My name is Andrea (middle name) (father's surname) (adopted family name).  I am
11 years old and in 6th grade.  I am adopted.  My birth-mother's maiden name
was Xxxxxx Xxxxxxx.  She was Irish and died of Cancer when I was only four
years old.*  At first I thought she was just asleep.  I hadn't learned what it
ment to die.  My birth-father's name was Xx Xxxxx and he was German.  He had a
brain disease called Schizophrenia, and he was always hitting me because he
wasn't taking his medicine.  We moved a lot.  We would pack up our stuff and
leave.  We would go to a hotel stay for a night, repack our stuff, and go to
another hotel.  After 5 hotels, we finally bought another house.  At the house,
he still hit me.  One time he even locked me in a closet for more than a day!
After about two weeks he bought me two cats.  I named one Snowy, because she
was all white.  Xx told me to name the other one Smoky, because she was all
gray.  Soon, the Case-workers came to take me to my foster home.  One was named
Xxxxxx and the other was named Xxxxx.

< end for now >

* 8 years ago on this date my daughter's loving birthmother died from cancer.

My daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder, no doubt caused by a) her
mother's tragic death, b) her father's physical and sexual abuse, c) her
separation from primary caregivers such as her foster family, and d) her
subsequent adoption.  She's been with our family for more than half her young
life.  Most adults never deal with that kind of pain, much less a child of six.

For those of you who don't know what RAD is, Google it sometime.  We spent
three years in TheraPlay therapy, another two in neurofeedback.  I think she's
come a long way, but there will be scars that never mend.  Parenting a child
who is unable to bond presents a big challenge to us as her parents.  Some days
we fail... some days I am actually pleased with the way we are coping as her
parents.  It is no surprise that Andrea is especially hard on her adoptive
mother.

On days like today, I am very proud to be her adoptive father.  I hope she
continures to tell her life story, especially post-adoption.  I think we would
learn a lot from it.  I'll keep you posted.

Dad