Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / November 2004

http://www.theindependent.com/stories/112804/new_adoption28.shtml

The other side of adoption: Mother tells of giving up child
Decision was difficult, but seen as what was best for son

By Mike Bockoven
michael.bockoven@theindependent.com

Jennifer Gesiriech knows them only as Liz and David. Gesiriech's son, Nathan,
will come to know them as Mom and Dad.
Gesiriech knows it was right, that Liz and David will give 8-month-old Nathan
what he needs, give him the life she couldn't. But as a mother who has given
her child up for adoption, giving a new life and a stable home to her baby is
an eternally wrenching experience, even if it was the right thing to do.

November is National Adoption Month, which honors a subject that affects a good
portion of the country. More than 2 percent of children currently living in the
United States are adopted, according to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption
Institute, and the number of children adopted from other countries has been on
the increase for a number of years.

The stories of women who give their children up for adoption aren't heard as
often or as loud as the adoption success stories, in which a child from a bad
situation is given a loving and caring environment in which to grow.

That wasn't the case with Nathan. Gesiriech, who lives in Grand Island, said
Nathan was a planned pregnancy with her then fianci. When the couple split, she
found herself pregnant and with no job, no family in the area and no visible
means of support.

"We talked about getting married and having kids, and we were engaged. Nathan
was planned," Gesiriech said. "I was emotional (when he left), but I was
pregnant. I didn't have time to really dwell on it."

Faith plays a big part in Gesiriech's life, so with her options limited and
living in a small apartment, she said she began to pray about what to do.
Adoption, she said, was something she considered after talking with friends
about it, but she had a lot of questions.

The Nebraska Children's Home puts out a pamphlet that addresses questions women
have about adoption. Among the top questions are, "Does the father need to be
involved?," "What are my obligations?" and "What happens if the baby is born
and I need more time?"

In Gesiriech's case, she chose the Highlands Child Placement Center in Kansas
City, Mo., as the group that would help her make her decision. When she was 35
weeks into her pregnancy, she packed all her belongings in four duffle bags and
went to the center by bus.

Nathan was born two weeks after she arrived, after nine hours of labor. Now
that he had come into Gesiriech's world, her decision came down to meeting
prospective parents for her child. That's when Liz and David came into the
picture.

"She had such a sweet personality and a sweet heart," Gesiriech said. "David,
he doesn't talk a lot, but he's kind of like a pillar. He seemed very strong. I
saw them, and I knew they were the ones."

The center helped a lot with arrangements once Gesiriech had chosen to go
forward with the adoption, but the decision and the process were still very
difficult emotionally. She said every instinct in her body was to protect,
nurture and care for her child, and handing him over to people she had just
met, though she knew a lot about them, was painful. In the end, she decided on
Liz and David -- and also decided to say goodbye herself.

"I was the one who actually handed Nathan to them," she said. "I got to tell
him goodbye and physically hand him over. It was so sad, but there was so much
joy and sadness in the same room."

Months later, Gesiriech gets monthly letters from Liz and David with pictures
of Nathan and reports from the agency on his condition, such as height, weight
and development. She said, when Nathan is ready, she and his adoptive parents
have agreed to let them reunite.

Until then, she said, she doesn't struggle with whether she made the right
decision, though it still can be difficult to deal with.

"I've had people say, 'How could you do that to your son? Don't you want him?'"
she said. "Of course I wanted him. Every woman wants to be with her child. I
want him to know that I love him and this decision was so hard. I made a
sacrifice to give him a life I couldn't give him. It's sad because I love him,
but the whole thing has really touched my heart."

More than anything, Gesiriech said she wants people to know some mothers who
put their children up for adoption do so with a heavy heart and carry a heavy
burden with them afterward. In her case, the stigma of her decision can
sometimes sting, but in her heart, she feels she followed the right path.

"I wasn't a teen-ager or a drug addict or too selfish to have a baby," she
said. "I'm a mother who knows her child is out there and being taken care of
and loved, and that's really important."

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A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown