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Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / February 2006Support for Birthmothers?
Hi there, I have a friend who recently gave up her child for adoption, and now she was hoping to find some support groups designed mainly for birthmothers. She's having difficulty finding groups like this, as most adoption support groups seem to be tailored toward adoptees or the adoptive parents. Giving her child up was probably the hardest decision she had to make, but she felt it was necessary to give her child the best hope of a good future. Now she's looking just to talk with other mothers who have been in her situation and who feel that deep sense of loss that can come with giving your baby up. But she's feeling stigmatized because of the lack of support groups out there for birthmothers. So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific Northwest, so any groups located in the northwestern United States would be ideal. But any support groups that are based on the internet would also work as well. I have tried looking online for these kind of groups, but most of the websites for birthmothers out there seem defunct. I'm also starting to contact some adoption agencies to see if they know of any local groups. I'd very much appreciate any help anyone could give me. And I apologize if I've broken etiquette by crossposting this to alt.mothers, alt.support.birth-parent, and alt.adoption, but I'd really like to find some help for my friend. Thanks, Jezebel > So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups > designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > defunct. I'm also starting to contact some adoption agencies to see if > they know of any local groups. There are numerous internet groups but there tends to be a lot of variation between the philosophy and agenda of groups and their leaders. Some groups are very stepford birthmotherish: Birthmoms are expected to be all happy and hunky-dory with their decision to relinquish. Other groups are very anti-adoption: A birthmother who is sad about her decision but who also feels that she made the right choice will be stigmatized as either being in denial or being a heartless sociopath. While I don't like a lot of their policies, adoption.com has some good people on their birthmother forums, and your friend may be able to find some support there. Good luck. L. > > So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups > > designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > L. Jezebel, Can you contact me privately. yts Jezebel, Can you contact me privately. yts >> So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups >> designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > choice will be stigmatized as either being in denial or being a > heartless sociopath. No different than for adoptees. I have been similarly condemned for being happy about my adoption. > While I don't like a lot of their policies, adoption.com has some good > people on their birthmother forums, and your friend may be able to find [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > L. >>> So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups >>> designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > No different than for adoptees. I have been similarly condemned for being > happy about my adoption. Did you get a lot of that "You're in denial" stuff? I certainly did ;)  Signature------ Robyn Resident Witchypoo #1557 Science doesn't burn people at the stake for disagreeing - Vic Sagerquist >>>> So, my question is, does anyone out there know of support groups >>>> designed with birthmothers in mind? She lives in the Pacific [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Did you get a lot of that "You're in denial" stuff? I certainly did ;) Mainly from one militant anti-adoption person. Just look at the majority of the news clips. They are almost all about adoptions gone bad. Unfortunately the good adoptions stories do not sell newspapers. "She can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eyes." Seems to me that as a whole the news industry would be in dire need of psychiatric help for severe depression! snip >>> No different than for adoptees. I have been similarly condemned for >>> being [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > as a whole the news industry would be in dire need of psychiatric help for > severe depression! LOL, I must agree :) SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo #1557 > Hi there, I have a friend who recently gave up her child for adoption, > and now she was hoping to find some support groups designed mainly for [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > come with giving your baby up. But she's feeling stigmatized because > of the lack of support groups out there for birthmothers. I'm sorry to hear that. These groups don't seem to be any better. I can't imagine what my birth mother went through, even though we started out in the same circumstances as my birth mother. I didn't even find out I was adopted until I went for my birth certificate so I could get a marriage license to marry my pregnant girlfriend and could not get it. Even the hospital had no record of my birth! I'll keep my eyes open for something. Mike D. > Hi there, I have a friend who recently gave up her child for adoption, > and now she was hoping to find some support groups designed mainly for > birthmothers. She's having difficulty finding groups like this, as > most adoption support groups seem to be tailored toward adoptees or the > adoptive parents. <anip> Whether her adoption was arranged through an agency or an attorney, there should have been provisions for her to receive private counseling, and the counselors will have access to info about support groups. Email me privately and I can give you the names of some people to call who can probably hook you up with support groups in the PNW. -L. hi jezebel,,,,,i am a birthmother. would be glad to talk to your friend....luckums1@sbcglobal.net Thanks everyone for the advice and comments. I do appreciate them :) Just a little more information, for those who may be curious. L, you're absolutely correct that the agency she set up her adoption with had contacts for support groups. Unfortunately, nearly all the support groups seemed to be religious in nature, and that's just not what my friend wanted. When she specifically asked if there were any non-denominational groups, she was told that there really weren't many of those out there for birthmothers. Which, of course, only made my friend feel like she was being stigmatized again - it made her feel like society assumed she didn't care about her baby, as if the decision to give her child up was an easy one, when in reality it wasn't. I will pass on all these suggestions to my friend, however. And if anyone would like to contact me in person, you can find my email address under the "show options" section in Google Groups. And if people have any more leads or advice, I'd still love to hear it. Thanks again everyone! Jezebel http://forums.adoption.com/ There is a whole section in the forums devoted specifically to birthparents. Angela also a birthmother > Hi there, I have a friend who recently gave up her child for adoption, > and now she was hoping to find some support groups designed mainly for [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > Thanks, > Jezebel |
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