Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / February 2006

Adoption is a legality that's not always observed.  But the lack of a
decree doesn't prevent the creation of a paternal bond between a man
and a boy.  I was reminded of that last night, when I learned that a
young man I once knew had been killed in a car accident.   I met him
through a friend who lived with the child's mother at the time.  He was
maybe five years old at the time.

My friend was not what others might consider good material for a
father.   Thrice married and divorced, with what I'll euphemistically
call a colorful history,  my son refers to him as "that motorcycle
guy".  His look fits the stereotype, though to the best of my knowledge
he's never been on a bike.  In the eyes of most, he's an unspeaking
rock, as likely to display his feelings as a politician is to tell the
truth.

My friend lived with the boy, his brother, and their mother for only a
few years, during which time he became the boys' father in all but the
eyes of the law.  Even after he and their mother went their separate
ways and they left the city, they stayed in touch.

Tomorrow would have been the boy's 23rd birthday.  Instead of
celebrating his birthday, his family and friends will gather in a small
town along the Mississippi River for a funeral and his burial in a
country cemetery.  My friend will be there.  He flies in tonight from a
thousand miles away, to say goodbye to his son tomorrow.  

J.