Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / May 2006

http://www.democratandchronicle.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060512/OPINION0
2/605120388/1039/OPINION

Birth mother finds consolation in finding a family for Annalie

Jessica Fleming
Guest essayist

(May 12, 2006) - When I first found out I was pregnant, I was really
scared. I knew that abortion was not the answer for me, and so I began
to deal with the reality that my life had changed forever. Although I
secretly daydreamed about motherhood, I knew the reality of parenting
was not a challenge I could successfully take on. As my due date got
closer, accepting that adoption was the right decision became both
easier and more painful.

I called an adoption agency and began to form my adoption plan. After
speaking to my caseworker and my counselor, I decided that an open
adoption was best for me and my baby. Visits with my child a couple
times a year, along with phone calls and letters, would help me cope
with the difficulties of surrendering my parental rights. If my child
had any questions about her biological background or her adoption, she
would have direct access to the answers.

I looked through several profiles of couples also looking for an open
adoption. Every couple seemed to be able to provide all the love and
security any child could need, but one profile stood out for me. When I
read Patrick and Robin's profile, I knew they were the couple for my
baby. I called them that same weekend and met them at their house just
a couple days later.

I was instantly comfortable with them. I often describe them to friends
as being the kind of parents I want to be when I am "grown up." Their
love for life and for each other reassured me. Their creative and
quirky personalities remind me of the qualities I envision my child
having.

Annalie Lynn was born Oct. 22, 2005. The joys of holding Annalie the
last 48 hours she was "my" baby were bittersweet. I felt overjoyed with
her arrival and excited for Robin and Patrick. I felt both proud that I
had given birth to such a healthy girl, and sad that my job as her
mother was coming to an end.

On the third morning after her birth, I signed the adoption papers. We
left the hospital and drove Annalie to her new home at Patrick and
Robin's. There we had a beautiful entrustment ceremony. I left their
house sad, but at peace with my decision. Knowing that I would see
Annalie in a few weeks eased my pain.

There isn't a single bassinet in the store or a diaper commercial on TV
that doesn't leave a passing thought in my head about Annalie. I miss
her every day, some days more than others.

Sometimes it is difficult to talk about my grief because people confuse
my pain with my decision.

However, no matter how sad I am, or how often I wish the circumstances
of my firstborn were different, I will never regret bringing Annalie
into this world. I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to help
Annalie Lynn find the family who will raise her to be a strong,
beautiful person. I look forward to a lifelong relationship with her,
her adoptive parents and her entire family.

I am proud to be a birth mother. I am proud of the life I brought into
this world, and of the home I chose for her. That is why it is
important to me to celebrate my first Birth Mother's Day, Saturday.

It is a special day to honor the place birth parents have in an adopted
child's life.

I do not underestimate the role of Annalie's mother, or the bond
they've created that will continue to grow.

In fact seeing the bond between Annalie and her parents on my visits
reinforces my decision.

She is where she belongs, and I thank God every day for the ability to
take a hard situation and turn it into something beautiful.

Fleming lives in Rochester.