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Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / May 2006Oh my goodness, shoot me now
As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. Menopause!) where I didn't write her for 6 months. She sent me a very worried letter and I sent back a 3 page letter. That was in December - Have't heard from her since. My husband's been on fishing trip sinceWednesday. Went to call him on my cell phone and acccidently hit the number after his - my birth mother's. Heard this female voice and thought "what the hell?!?" Looked at my phone and realized who I had called - I just hung up. I am forbidden to call her on the weekends as tthat's when her husband (who she "won't get into it" about me ) is home. As soon as I hung up the phone, I just burst into tears as I haven't heard her voice ina lmost two years. Unfortuately, this happened in front to my 7-year-old daughter. I really try to be very casual about the whole birth-mother/ adoptee thing, but the combination of hearing her voice, hanging up on her, etc., hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes being a secret really sucks a.s. Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand.  SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's > with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. Menopause!) [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. Point enough, Robyn, point enough. J. > -- > Robyn > Resident Witchypoo > Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire > #1557 >> As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >> with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > > Point enough, Robyn, point enough. Thank you - My biggest regret is that I just totally lost it in front of my daughet. I scared her and I'm so sorry for that ;( SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 653 >>> As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >>> with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > Thank you - My biggest regret is that I just totally lost it in front of > my daughet. I scared her and I'm so sorry for that ;( Pardone me for replying to my own posts, but this might make for an interesting thread - explaining to your kids about being adopted. Please share :) SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 I really try to be very > casual about the whole birth-mother/ adoptee thing, but the combination of > hearing her voice, hanging up on her, etc., hit me like a ton of bricks. > Sometimes being a secret really sucks a.s. > > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. Hugs Robyn. It's been 15 years ago to this day that my birthmom received "the letter" that I sent. How time flies. I have it marked on my calander like it's some type of birth or death or something. Today, my sister in law was telling me that last year, she finally got the courage to contact her birthfather (she was raised by her birthmother). At first he denied everything so she flat out asked him if he had slept with her mother and he said yes but that he wasn't willing to take a paternity test, said his wife wouldn't understand. There's a lot of us in this boat. Kathy J > I really try to be very >> casual about the whole birth-mother/ adoptee thing, but the combination [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > test, said his wife wouldn't understand. There's a lot of us in this > boat. Kathy J Unfortunately, that's true. I know someone in a very similar situation to your SIL, only this guy claimed that he was going to tell his wife, take the paternity test, etc. - Then never called this girl back. She never had the nerve to pursue it and I don't blame her. I just feel like such a dumbass for hitting the wrong number on my cellphone. Hey, at least I know she's alive. I just wish I hadn't burst into tears in front of my daughter :( SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's > with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. Menopause!) [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. Of course there is a point. The point is your bmom has some really screwy priorities. It's insane that she can't open that proverbial can of worms, and keeps herself hostage in the 'forbidden' I cannot go there closetful of secrets. Does she have any friggin' clue what she is doing to herself trying to deny your existance? She is killing part of herself. {{{{{{ Robyn }}}}}} Her loss, Robyn,...her loss What a shame! Kathy reunited nine years > Robyn > Resident Witchypoo > Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire > #1557 >> As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >> with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > Kathy > reunited nine years Thank you - I have to go cry again. I'm going to look like Marty Feldman tomorow ! :) >> As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >> with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > Of course there is a point. The point is your bmom has some really > screwy priorities. I guess so :( > It's insane that she can't open that proverbial can of worms, and keeps > herself hostage in the 'forbidden' I cannot go there closetful of > secrets. Does she have any friggin' clue what she is doing to herself > trying to deny your existance? She is killing part of herself. Oh well. Frankly, that's not my problem. Once again, I am SO ready to drop this whole lousy thing. It's certainly not doing me any good. > {{{{{{ Robyn }}}}}} Thanks :) > Her loss, Robyn,...her loss What a shame! True, but what can you do. SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 >As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. Menopause!) [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > >Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. (((Robyn))) Julia >>As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >>with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > (((Robyn))) Thanks. I'm okay, but that was a bit of a low point. Oh well. Time to move on. SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. Oh, Robyn, I am so sorry {{{hugs}}}. It is not right. It is a damn shame. >> Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. > > Oh, Robyn, I am so sorry {{{hugs}}}. It is not right. It is a damn > shame. Oh well. If my birthmother doesn't give a sh.t, then there's no reason for me too either. Guess I can stop checking her local newspaper for an obituary, eh? <Bronx cheer> ;) SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > >> Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. > > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Oh well. If my birthmother doesn't give a sh.t, then there's no reason for > me too either. Guess I can stop checking her local newspaper for an obituary, eh? <Bronx cheer> ;) Ignore this if you wish, Robyn. Would you go to her funeral and, if so, would you make your presence known? J. A curious if impudent guy. > Robyn > Resident Witchypoo > Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire > #1557 >> >> Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. >> > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > Ignore this if you wish, Robyn. Would you go to her funeral and, if > so, would you make your presence known? I wouldn't go to her funeral, but as far as I'm concerned, once she passes, all bets and unspoken promises are off and I'm outta the closet. Of course, I would wait a respectful amount of time (if there is such a thing) before driving up to her hometown. I wouldn't be knocking on her husband's door and saying "Hi, I'm the little bastard your wife gave up when she was 18!", but I'd definitely cruise around, visit her grave, check out her art gallery, etc. I'd probably contact my half-sis and half-bro as well prior to doing this. SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > >> >> Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. > >> > [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > gallery, etc. I'd probably contact my half-sis and half-bro as well prior > to doing this. I wonder if she has allowed herself to think of this possibility or if she believes you plan on keeping her secret to your grave. Maybe it might change her behavior. Personally I think I would want a chance to tell my side of the story rather than leave my family members wondering after my death. Kathy 1 snip >> I wouldn't go to her funeral, but as far as I'm concerned, once she > passes, [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > side of the story rather than leave my family members wondering after my > death. Her daughter does know - I met her when I met my bmom two years ago. Her parents know as does her younger sister. What they don't know is that we've been in contact and have met, etc. Both her first and second husband and stepkids have no idea. I don't know about my half brother. SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 Robyn, I sent you a private note. Hope you received it. fondly, ducks > As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's > with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. Menopause!) [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. > Robyn, > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > ducks Sorry, but I didn't. Did you send it to robibnikoff at yahoo dot com? It could have possibly ended up in my bulk folder which I usually just empty. I'll keep checking :) SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 > As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's > with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > Sorry, no real point to this post - Thought some might understand. I am so sorry. That must be so hard, I can just imagine. I wish there was something I could do or say to help. I can understand that emotion, the flood of emotion is more like. Their is a connection with the b.parent(s) when you meet and the emotion you feel is.... indescribable. I don't think there is a actual label for it but other adoptees who have been united I am sure can relate. I know it must hurt but know that you are a great person and how she is reacting is no reflection on you at all. I wish there was more I could say - or at least offer you a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. >> As some of you may recall, I do communicate with my bithmother, but it's >> with occasional letters. I went through a funk last year (hello. [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > wish there was more I could say - or at least offer you a bowl of > chocolate ice-cream. Don't worry, I'm doing just fine. There was a really nice side effect from this incident. I quit drinking! Woohoo! : ) SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo Atheist Bastard Extraordinaire #1557 |
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