Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / December 2007

Diplomat "dumped his adopted child because she did not fit in"

Times Online, December 14, 2007
http://www.timesonl ine.co.uk/ tol/news/ world/europe/ article3048747. ece
by Roger Boyes in Berlin

A diplomat accused of "dumping" his adopted daughter flew home
yesterday, after triggering a row about the ethics of Europeans
adopting Asian children.

Jade, a 7-year-old of South Korean origin, is the focus of an
escalating dispute across two continents. At the age of 4 months, she
was adopted by a Dutch consular officer based in Hong Kong, Raymond
Poeteray, and his wife Meta.

But the couple have now surrendered Jade to the Hong Kong social
welfare department for re-adoption, reportedly because the child
could not adapt to Dutch culture.

The revelation has sparked protests, amid claims that the couple were
treating the child as if she were an unwanted present. She had been
discarded like "a piece of household rubbish", said the Dutch
daily, "De Telegraaf".

Mr and Mrs Poeteray, back in the Netherlands yesterday, defended
their actions, claiming that they had acted on medical advice. Mr
Poeteray, 55, said that when the family moved from Indonesia to Hong
Kong three years ago, "medical specialists" said that Jade
had "serious bonding problems".

They embarked on family therapy, but without success. "To our great
disappointment, things didn't get better, they got worse; and the
rest of the family began to suffer hugely from that," he said. The
couple have an older son, and a younger child born after Jade's
adoption.

By the middle of last year they were being urged by doctors, social
workers, and the adoption agency, Mothers Choice, to place the child
in temporary care, the diplomat said in an open letter to "De
Telegraaf".

"Although the specialists now think it is not possible that Jade can
be brought home, we continue to hope. We will do our best to find a
solution, allowing her to find happiness in her life," he
wrote. "This is a private matter, for which we as parents bear the
responsibility ... the publicity itself is already painful enough,
but what's worse is it doesn't help us find a solution for our
problems."

The Poeterays never applied for Dutch citizenship for Jade, but claim
that this was an administrative oversight.

The family's plea for privacy and understanding has been ignored.
Online chatrooms have hosted hundreds of comments about the case,
most of which condemned the actions of a public servant paid to
represent his country. "Of course, a child that has been given away
for adoption is going to have a fear of emotional bonding!" said
Anna, from Lelystad, on the "De Telegraaf" website.

Another said: "What would they have done if their own children had
been sick? Would they have given them away? This man is sick himself -
can't he be given away?"

The Dutch Foreign Ministry, embarrassed by the international fuss,
has recalled the diplomat for consultations, but is standing by him.
Many Dutch bloggers, however, argue that he has committed an offence
against natural justice, and that he should resign from the
diplomatic service.

One blogger found a reference to a party that the Poeterays held in
January 2005, in which one grateful guest thanked the diplomat, "his
lovely wife Meta, and young son Jamie". There was no mention of Jade,
suggesting that she was not fully accepted as a member of the family.

The hostility is in part because the case has stoked up lingering
suspicions about the commitment of Europeans to adopted Asian
children. Two years ago an Irish couple caused outrage in Asia when
they returned a child to an Indonesian orphanage, saying that she did
not fit in.

The South Korean Consulate in Hong Kong said that Mr and Mrs Poeteray
had complained that Jade was not adapting to Dutch culture or
food. "That is the reason they gave for why they want to discontinue
the relationship, " a South Korean official said.

This was met with incredulity. "They adopted her when she was a
baby," said Law Chi-kwong, a professor at the department of social
work at Hong Kong University. "They are responsible for shaping the
child's mind and culture. How can you say that the child cannot adapt
to the culture in which she was raised?"

Dutch newspapers tracked down a former babysitter yesterday, who took
care of Jade when she was a baby in Indonesia. She too was bemused by
the fate of the little girl, whom she remembers as a quiet but normal
child. "I took care of her in the evenings, while an Indonesian woman
was with her in the daytime," she told "De Telegraaf". "But Meta did
not treat Jade as her real daughter."

Hong Kong authorities are searching for new adoptive parents. Jade
speaks Cantonese and English and, despite the claims that she could
not communicate with her parents, some Dutch.

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