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Family Forum / Parenting / Adoption / March 2009tell adoptive mother?
A friend has located and been in contact (not loving but camiable) with her bio mother. She is living tho in constant fear that her adoptive mother and aunt (eighties) will find out. Should she ever reveal the discovery to her mother and aunt? She thinks that they would never understand or forgive her. Letters from and photos of the bio mom are hidden in her house. If my friend drops dead, I have orders to get in there and destroy the 'evidence'. >A friend has located and been in contact (not loving but camiable) > with her bio mother. She is living tho in constant fear that her > adoptive mother and aunt (eighties) will find out. Should she ever > reveal the discovery to her mother and aunt? She thinks that they > would never understand or forgive her. Then she should keep it to herself. It's none of her amom's business anyway, IMHO. > Letters from and photos of the bio mom are hidden in her house. If my > friend drops dead, I have orders to get in there and destroy the > 'evidence'. Seems a little extreme - does your friend have any children?  SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo BAAWA Knight #1557 I'm with Robyn on this. It's the adult adoptee's decision who she wants to share the information with. If she's so concerned about privacy, why not go to an all-electronic format and password-protect it if necessary? It couldn't be that hard to keep information private from her elderly relatives. Even if she lives in the same house. > <tweeny90...@mypacks.net> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > BAAWA Knight > #1557 > I'm with Robyn on this. It's the adult adoptee's decision who she > wants to share the information with. [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > > - Show quoted text - I've spent much of the past few months reviewing my brother's files, in anticipation of his death. He died March 15, of lung cancer. (Thanks in advance to those who might write in reply. We're doing reasonably well after a few particularly rough weeks at the end.) I've learned a great deal about him and his life in that time, and I've yet to finish the job. I understand him far better today than I ever have. One of the things I've yet to do is mine his computer. I'm hoping he didn't password protect anything, or at least nothing of consequence to the administration of his estate. If and when I do find something that's protected, it will drive me nuts. So, my advice to the original poster: tell your friend, assuming she asked for your opinion, to live her own life and let the chips fall where they may, now or later. J. On Mar 24, 7:36 am, jmd...@aol.com wrote: > I've spent much of the past few months reviewing my brother's files, > in anticipation of his death. He died March 15, of lung cancer. > (Thanks in advance to those who might write in reply. We're doing > reasonably well after a few particularly rough weeks at the end.) I'm sorry to hear that. It's a difficult. Thinking good thoughts at you. > I've learned a great deal about him and his life in that time, and > I've yet to finish the job. I understand him far better today than I > ever have. One of the things I've yet to do is mine his computer. > I'm hoping he didn't password protect anything, or at least nothing of > consequence to the administration of his estate. If and when I do > find something that's protected, it will drive me nuts. But doesn't everyone? I mean, I don't password protect my documents, because I don't share a computer. But my e-mail and any web interface is protected. I suppose I should create a passwords file and leave it in my will! > So, my advice to the original poster: tell your friend, assuming she > asked for your opinion, to live her own life and let the chips fall > where they may, now or later. > > J. >> I'm with Robyn on this. It's the adult adoptee's decision who she >> wants to share the information with. [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] >(Thanks in advance to those who might write in reply. We're doing >reasonably well after a few particularly rough weeks at the end.) Hey J, sending our condolences and best wishes your way. Hugs, Julia >I've learned a great deal about him and his life in that time, and >I've yet to finish the job. I understand him far better today than I [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > >J. On Mar 23, 6:36 pm, jmd...@aol.com wrote: > > I'm with Robyn on this. It's the adult adoptee's decision who she > > wants to share the information with. [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > > J. I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's death, J. Please accept my condolences. > I'm with Robyn on this. Me too. It's her business. Why not keep the letters and photographs in a safety deposit box? Or even at the friend's house? > It's the adult adoptee's decision who she > wants to share the information with. > If she's so concerned about privacy, why not go to an all-electronic > format and password-protect it if necessary? It couldn't be that hard [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > > BAAWA Knight > > #1557 On Mar 24, 9:29 am, kippaherr...@hotmail.com wrote: > > I'm with Robyn on this. > [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > > > BAAWA Knight > > > #1557 I agree with all. It's nobody's business but hers that she made contact with her original family. The suggestions that she keep the information in a safe deposit ox or a friend's house are good. She might also be surprised at how little her elderly mother and aunt may not be upset or care. Jim, I'm so sorry for your loss. Marley |
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