Family Forum / Pregnancy / Breastfeeding / February 2005

I didn't feel any desire until AF returned.  The delay in AF might be due
to BF, so she's right for the wrong reasons.  :)  Once AF returned,
though (around 9mos pp) then everything was back to normal.  

Good luck,
-k

It could also be that you are just too tired. :-)

Leslie

Not unusual. I went from "normally very interested" to "indifferent but
persuadable" while breastfeeding. Which for me was a big switch.

Jenrose

My poor husband will tell you that it's definitely something that can
happen.

It's extremely common for women to feel this way post-partum.  I've no
idea whether any studies have been done on whether it's more likely in
breastfeeding women or not, but it's one of those very widespread
problems that just isn't talked about, so women don't realise how common
it actually is.  I suspect it may be an evolutionary way of making sure
children are spaced in a family and a woman doesn't get pregnant while
her first baby is still very young.  This isn't much help, but it might
at least make you feel better to know that, yes, this is very normal.  I
wouldn't give up the BF-ing for that reason, BTW, since there is no
guarantee that it would make any difference, and it would be a shame to
give up something so good for your baby for no reason.

All the best,

Sarah

Well, I don't know.  I was certainly turned off intimacy with my husband
in the first 6 months after both my kids were born.  I think it had more
to do with the fact that I was all "intimacied" out meeting my baby's
needs, than it had to do with breastfeeding.  It also had to do with the
fact that I had a lot of anger towards my husband because I didn't feel
like he was pulling his weight with the baby care (especially at night).  
It's hard to get all lovey-dovey with someone when you are tired,
overworked, in constant demand and a little pissed off at the person who
wants to get intimate with you.  Frankly, at hot bath and a nice lay
down were all I was interested in!  Be up front with your husband, let
him know that a LOT of women experience this in the (roughly) first 6
months after they have a new baby.  Let him know that you WANT to be
intimate with him again, but right now circumstances are conspiring
against you.  If you and DH are in it for the long haul, six months
without intimacy now will only be a blip in your marriage.  

That being said, if you are not starting to get interested in being
intimate with your DH again in another three months, you should take a
close look at yourself to consider the fact that you might be suffering
from PND.  My money, however, is on just being a tired, touched-out new
mom.

eggs.

I know I was never really feeling it at the end of the day, too tired,
maybe irritated by something DH had done, maybe 'touched out' by
holding the baby all day.  My advice is that if you EVER feel slightly
desirous & your husband is around, put the baby in the crib and act on
it. Even if it has to be quick. Sometime's mama has to be the
instigator.  It will remind you that sex is fun and feels good and
maybe you'll feel like it more often.   DD's morning naps on the
weekend save our sex life.  I think most of our 'intimacy' occurs
before 7pm.  After that, forget it!

Good luck, don't fret about it too much, your hormones are a little
crazy and you're probably exhausted.

I had a lateral episitomy during DS's birth, and even after that healed
completely, I was just not interested.  I think partially it was the
dryness.  Even if we used loads of lubricant, it was still painful.  I
think DH and I had sex maybe 4 times during DS's first year of life.
I'm normally quite interested, so DH had a rough year!  After the first
year, I started getting more interested.

After baby comes along, you have a lot more to do and a lot more on
your mind.  I do agree with whoever (I think it was eggs) said that if
you are feeling at all interested, stop everything and do it!  Put baby
in the crib with the mobile on or in the bouncy chair, and have a good
time!

PC
mom to DS  10/2003