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Family Forum / Pregnancy / Breastfeeding / July 2005weaning high-needs 2.5 year old
The subject is pretty clear! I have disliked nursing this whole time and I just want to stop. I can't stand how it feels when she's nursing, I can't stand the pawing at my chest, the tantrums when she can't have them. Everytime I sit down or talk on the phone, Bethany starts grabbing them and whining and if I don't let her, she'll flat out cry and yell "boof! boof!" (boof is what she called them when she started talking). The only reason in the world I kept it up this long is because she seemed to need it. If I could only nurse her for nap and bedtime, I'd be extremely willing to continue (because it's sweet and there's still the bonding thing there), but there's all this time in the day spent either sitting and nursing or trying to distract her to play or eat some fruit. I've tried for days at a time to only do it for nap and bedtime but unless we are out for the day (and it has to be all day so that there's no chance of sitting!) it only results in crying and groping. I'm at the end of my rope here! I resent nursing so much now. The other daughter who was breastfed weaned herself at 17 months, though *I* wasn't ready, and she was nothing like this child as far as being so demanding. It's much worse when it's time for my period, I can barely stand her touching them. What can I do?? Marie > The subject is pretty clear! I have disliked nursing this whole time > and I just want to stop. I can't stand how it feels when she's [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > touching them. What can I do?? > Marie I didn't have the high-needs problem, but I was definitely ready to wean by the time my 2.5-year-old got around to it. He was down to 2-3 times a day by the time he was 2, so that helped. What made the difference was going on a week-long vacation where his schedule was really disrupted, there were a lot of distractions, and the nursing dropped off dramatically. That was the beginning of the end, which came fairly quickly. OTOH, the opposite might happen with a high-needs child. What do you think would happen if you left her for a few days with someone else (father, grandparents, aunt/uncle)? Clisby > He was down to 2-3 times a day by the time he was 2, so that helped. > What made the difference was going on a week-long vacation where his [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > What do you think would happen if you left her for a few days with > someone else (father, grandparents, aunt/uncle)? That is basically what I did with my 26mo old. It was a long struggle, much like Marie describes, to get him down to 4 times a day and that is when we he stayed with Grandma. We had to do that because of a move but I took the opportunity to wean him. The actual weaning wasn't to bad and he accepted it rather gracefully. Other types of behavior exploded though. He bit like crazy, was in a constant power struggle with me, and started becoming obsessed with groping, fondling, twiddling, etc. which he never did when he was nursing. Those things lasted a long time and I'm sure the move was part of it and weaning him during a move was a pretty rotten thing to do I know. He is 4y3m now and is still slightly infatuated with my breasts. If I wear a tight shirt he runs in circles humming 'num nums, num nums, num nums' or sometimes lay his head on them and say "I love num nums". I should have weaned him earlier though because while that sounds sweet, I don't get any warm fuzzies at all.  SignatureNikki >things lasted a long time and I'm sure the move was part of it and weaning >him during a move was a pretty rotten thing to do I know. My daughter actually seems to transition well during times of change like that. It's odd, she sure doesn't get it from me! She potty trained the week my neice stayed with us all week (niece is months older but still in diapers at the time) and there have been other times we've been so busy and she went through other positive changes. >He is 4y3m now and is still slightly infatuated with my breasts. If I wear >a tight shirt he runs in circles humming 'num nums, num nums, num nums' or >sometimes lay his head on them and say "I love num nums". I should have >weaned him earlier though because while that sounds sweet, I don't get any >warm fuzzies at all. My best friend weaned her son at a year, and he's a bit over 2.5yrs now and still talks about her breasts. Marie > He is 4y3m now and is still slightly infatuated with my breasts. If I > wear a tight shirt he runs in circles humming 'num nums, num nums, num > nums' or sometimes lay his head on them and say "I love num nums". I > should have weaned him earlier though because while that sounds sweet, > I don't get any warm fuzzies at all. My DD has recently become obsessed with touching my boobs. She grabs at them or lays her hand on them and says, "Nana!" whenever she's close to them (it's a LOT of fun when she does it in public! ;). And when she sees me topless, her eyes practically pop out of her head, and boobies are all she sees. Mary >He was down to 2-3 times a day by the time he was 2, so that helped. >What made the difference was going on a week-long vacation where his >schedule was really disrupted, there were a lot of distractions, and the >nursing dropped off dramatically. That was the beginning of the end, >which came fairly quickly. Well our 6-day vacation is coming next month, so I'm trying to decide whether to wean down now so I don't have to deal with it at the beach or wait until afterwards. It won't be so easy for me to nurse constantly sitting at the pool and I do not want sand scratching my chest this year! >What do you think would happen if you left her for a few days with >someone else (father, grandparents, aunt/uncle)? Well it hasn't been long since she has been able to cope with staying with anyone else, and the one time we've tried the overnight thing it ended horribly at bedtime and I had to go get her. She's actually been asking lately to spend the night somewhere (her big sisters go alot) so that might be a possibility soon. Marie > The subject is pretty clear! I have disliked nursing this whole time > and I just want to stop. I can't stand how it feels when she's [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > crying and groping. > I'm at the end of my rope here! I resent nursing so much now. Oh, boy, Marie, can I relate to what you're going through right now!! My DD is also 2.5 years old. We experienced the exact same thing about six months ago. I was losing my mind because my DD wanted "nana" ALL the freakin' time! Nothing I tried worked (distracting her, not sitting, etc.). I finally just started refusing in a gentle way by telling her, "Nana is tired and needs to rest." I replaced those nursing sessions with extra cuddles. Naturally, she protested quite a bit at first, but eventually (IIRC, it didn't take all that long) we got down to nursing only at naptime and at bedtime. A few months later, we got down to once a day, at bedtime (where we're at now). It's so nice to be able to just hold her in my lap now without her expecting "nana" and getting frustrated because she can't have any. You're going to have to set some new boundaries for her. I forget who exactly, but someone in here once said that the way she saw it, up until the age of 2, b/fing was a right; after the age of 2, it was a privilege. ITA with that, and I tried to keep that in mind whenever she protested my refusal to nurse her. Best of luck! Mary >Oh, boy, Marie, can I relate to what you're going through right now!! My >DD is also 2.5 years old. We experienced the exact same thing about six [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >"Nana is tired and needs to rest." I replaced those nursing sessions >with extra cuddles. Bethany will not cuddle :( She is probably the most uncuddly babies/toddlers I've ever had experience with. >Naturally, she protested quite a bit at first, but >eventually (IIRC, it didn't take all that long) we got down to nursing >only at naptime and at bedtime. A few months later, we got down to once >a day, at bedtime (where we're at now). It's so nice to be able to just >hold her in my lap now without her expecting "nana" and getting >frustrated because she can't have any. That is what I look forward to! >You're going to have to set some new boundaries for her. I forget who >exactly, but someone in here once said that the way she saw it, up until >the age of 2, b/fing was a right; after the age of 2, it was a >privilege. ITA with that, and I tried to keep that in mind whenever she >protested my refusal to nurse her. Ok, thanks! I will *try* to remember that. Marie My 2 year old weaned right after she went on several 2 day trips to grandmas. I was at the end of a complicated pg and right after the birth is why she was sent away, but it did work to disrupt her schedule and make her think of herself as a big girl. KC When my sister was ready to wean her 2.5 year old son, she told him every day for several days before she did it, "pretty soon Mama is going to go to the doctor and get a shot and their will be no more milk or nursing." So, on the day she chose to go cold turkey with him, she told him the same thing, dropped him off at Mothers Morning Out, and then went straight to the bathroom. She put a bandaid on her breast (he only nursed on one side) and later when she picked him up and he asked to nurse, she just reminded him about the doctor. She showed him the bandaid, and he understood shots and bandaids. He accepted it and never asked again. I think they had gotten down to nursing in the mornings and evenings by then. Good luck to you! lisa micksmom mick 7-12-02 noah 1-24-05 >When my sister was ready to wean her 2.5 year old son, she told him every >day for several days before she did it, "pretty soon Mama is going to go to [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >bandaids. He accepted it and never asked again. I think they had gotten >down to nursing in the mornings and evenings by then. I wouldn't feel comfortable lying about that to my daughter. That's an interesting solution, though! Marie I thought it was an interesting (and funny) solution too. But I think that sort of 'lie' is something akin to the tooth fairy, santa or easter bunny etc. Something that when the child is older (as an older child or adult) would completely understand and probably laugh about. d. >I thought it was an interesting (and funny) solution too. > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > d. >Yeah, I didn't think it was much different from the stories I've heard >parents come up with to get their kids off the pacifier. One girl I know [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >along with it and the toddler was happy to be giving the babies a gift. >:-) lisa micksmom mick 7-12-02 noah 1-24-05 > I thought it was an interesting (and funny) solution too. But I think > that sort of 'lie' is something akin to the tooth fairy, santa or easter > bunny etc. Something that when the child is older (as an older child or > adult) would completely understand and probably laugh about. I agree it's like those other things, but I'm equally uncomfortable with those, *if* the child genuinely believes in them. People sometimes talk as though you're depriving the child if you don't "let" them believe in the tooth fairy etc. but I think it is possible to avoid deception and still have the fun part. When I was a child, we had those concepts but as far back as I can rememember I always knew they were jokes/stories. My parents tell me they just always treated them with a nudge-nudge-wink-wink attitude, so that although they never actually said it was them I always knew and knew that they knew that I knew, etc. I agree that the plaster etc. was clever and I can imagine that pragmatically it worked well to avoid upset, but I'm still sure I wouldn't feel comfortable using such a ruse, even if it's irrational. Sidheag DS Colin Oct 27 2003 > > I thought it was an interesting (and funny) solution too. But I think > > that sort of 'lie' is something akin to the tooth fairy, santa or easter [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >tooth fairy etc. but I think it is possible to avoid deception and still >have the fun part. Well, I genuinely believed in those things and love the memory of being so excited on Christmas eve night when me and my sister would lay in bed thinking that we heard Santa on our roof or in the livingroom etc. But when I found out that the truth, I never felt deceived or crushed. More like I felt like I was now a 'big girl' and had fun playing along with my mom because my little brother still believed. But maybe that was just me... bulletsurprise skrev: > Well, I genuinely believed in those things and love the memory of > being so excited on Christmas eve night when me and my sister would [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > But maybe that was just me... ...and a lot of people believe in God for ages...... Tine, Denmark >bulletsurprise skrev: > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > >...and a lot of people believe in God for ages...... Maybe I'm missing something but how is that relevant? Are you saying that believing in God and the Easter Bunny are the same thing? >> bulletsurprise skrev: >> [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Maybe I'm missing something but how is that relevant? Are you saying > that believing in God and the Easter Bunny are the same thing? Before this gets too heated let me just say that the attribution is screwy somehow - I didn't write any of what's written above. Sidheag, not wanting to be blamed :-) DS Colin Oct 27 2003 >>> bulletsurprise skrev: >>> [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > >Sidheag, not wanting to be blamed :-) Not at all. I'm not trying to start anything in the least. I'm just confused as to what she meant. "bulletsurprise" <bulletsurprise@ggmail.com> wrote in message > Well, I genuinely believed in those things and love the memory of > being so excited on Christmas eve night when me and my sister would [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > But maybe that was just me... It's not just you. I really don't get this being lied to stuff. I don't buy it unless the parents are just absolutely cruel and hateful to the child. I never felt lied to. It was a part of childhood that I remember fondly and I think that a bit of fantasy for kids is a good thing. I think a lot of parents these days are really uptight and letting kids have a fantasy world and imagination is definitely not a bad thing. SignatureSue (mom to three girls) > "bulletsurprise" <bulletsurprise@ggmail.com> wrote in message >> Well, I genuinely believed in those things and love the memory of [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > letting kids have a fantasy world and imagination is definitely not a > bad thing. I used to be scared of the santa clauses on the street in christmas because it took a blind kid not to notice that they did not look like the real one at all and that their beard was fake. I wasnt even sure that he existed in the first place (I blame TV for introducing him and for making me doubt him). But I had heard of bad men who lured small children by using candy ;-) SignatureInger Marie Brunsgaard Please remove "nospam_" from my email adress if you reply to my message "IMB" <im@nospam_brunsgaard.dk> wrote in message > I used to be scared of the santa clauses on the street in christmas > because it took a blind kid not to notice that they did not look like [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > But I had heard of bad men who lured small children by using candy ;-) I got around the street santas by saying that the real santa needed help so he has all these other people to help. And yes, some of those street sants are scary looking. :o) SignatureSue (mom to three girls) Everytime I sit down or talk on the phone, Bethany > starts grabbing them and whining and if I don't let her, she'll flat > out cry and yell "boof! boof!" (boof is what she called them when she [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > in the day spent either sitting and nursing or trying to distract her > to play or eat some fruit. I had no luck with trying to space out sessions or drop one at a time. When I tried that it was the constant scene you describe. I had to be very concrete. We nurse in the morning, at bedtime, when I get home from work, and lunch. Attach the times she gets to nurse to very identifiable activities and times of day and just say no the rest of the time. I had already night weaned for the most part but it was a very long and difficult month before he accepted that gracefully. He still asked all the time, including waking up 2-3 times a night to ask, but he didn't throw a fit when I said no. I did wean him after that but that was pretty hard on him and I. I think I should have tried to stick out the 4 times a day thing a bit longer but I was so far past being done with nursing and had a lot of other stressors in my life. I saw the chance to wean and took it but that was pretty rotten because he had most of the same stressors. We moved and were in limbo for a month. SignatureNikki >I had no luck with trying to space out sessions or drop one at a time. >When I tried that it was the constant scene you describe. I had to be very [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >including waking up 2-3 times a night to ask, but he didn't throw a fit when >I said no. That sounds like wonderful advice. I've just felt kind of lost when I've thought about how to do this. I told her today that in a few days, she can only have boof at nap and bedtime. She looked at me like I was crazy, then pouted a second but I'll just keep reminding her for a few days. >I did wean him after that but that was pretty hard on him and I. I think I >should have tried to stick out the 4 times a day thing a bit longer but I >was so far past being done with nursing and had a lot of other stressors in >my life. I saw the chance to wean and took it but that was pretty rotten >because he had most of the same stressors. We moved and were in limbo for a >month. I think I remember you as being one of the moms who had a hard time with this. At any rate alot of what you post is familiar to me, as my older girls are about as far apart as your boys, just a few years older. Marie > That sounds like wonderful advice. I've just felt kind of lost when > I've thought about how to do this. I told her today that in a few > days, she can only have boof at nap and bedtime. She looked at me like > I was crazy, then pouted a second but I'll just keep reminding her for > a few days. Well I wish you luck! 2.5 can be a really hard age but sometimes they surprise us and just *know* when we really mean something so go along with it :-D. SignatureNikki > I had no luck with trying to space out sessions or drop one at a time. > When I tried that it was the constant scene you describe. I had to be very > concrete. We nurse in the morning, at bedtime, when I get home from work, > and lunch. This is what I was going to mention. When DD was right around 2, I told her that we only nurse at bedtime and naptime. She didn't like it, but it didn't take long for her to accept it. She'd ask, but I'd just say, "Sorry, it isn't bedtime yet. We'll nurse at bedtime." Then we changed the bedtime routine so that I'd nurse for a little while, then stop and DH would come lie down with her, or sit by her bed. That way, she started to learn to sleep without nursing to sleep. I kept shortening the nighttime session until she only nursed a couple minutes before lying down. Again, she wasn't thrilled, but she really didn't fuss about it as much as I thought she would. Then I had to go away for a wedding and was gone for two nights. DH had the kids, and said that she didn't ask for me or to nurse when I wasn't there, and asked me to consider not nursing upon return (she was 2 yrs, 2 mos). I said I would try it, but that if it really upset her I'd keep nursing. She asked, of course, when she saw me, but I said that my breasts were empty, and that I'd just hold her. So I started slow dancing her at bedtimes instead, and she really didn't argue as much as I thought she would. She always asked to nurse so often (even if she didn't fuss if I refused), and she was so obsessed with fondling me, that I thought it would be a much more painful situation than it turned out to be. She accepted surprisingly easily, and I have to admit I was glad to be done at that point. -- Jodi SAHM to Oliver (4 years) and Arwen (2 years) |
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