Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2004

If he did wish to blame it on them what other reasons could he possibly have
other than the reason he was there for,  failure to pay child support.

There is a new jail house opening across town but up until this article came
out no one outside of the staff would know what the staffing level was
between the court house and the jail.  It is therefore likely he did not
have any idea he would be rescued in time during this suicide attempt.

I have read some of your other posts in this newsgroup with all your I want
my CS money bellyaching.

It is pretty sick to compare a speeding ticket to a father who loses equal
access to his children,  children who lose an equal parent in their life,
the father is forced to pay lifestyle child support and then is threatened
with imprisionment.

Tell me do you lol and make these same comparisions when blacks, women and
jews were denied their rights?
Have you ever been late on a bill and do you feel it is justified that you
should spend time in jail for being late on a phone bill?  A debt that
should not have been mandated by the government in the first place.  If
fathers had equal rights to their children a child support debt would not be
placed on fathers in first place.

It clearly tells the situation.  He was in court for failure to pay child
support.

I find comparing being a single mom to the same hardship of being threatened
by the government putting you in jail an pretty extreme view.

The only error I see that you point out is that she is actually not
receiving CS which really does not change the reply.  Since the point was
lets see her walk a mile in mans shoes with this constant threat of
imprisionment for being poor and having not committed any crime.

Of course booby has no proof for his delusional claims.

I think most agree on that Bob, it seems the issue is HOW to fight back.

T

I had a friend, yes, that’s right “had a friend” that got
a woman he was dating pregnant. One of those accidents he swears the
condom broke…however it happened is not what this is about anyway.
He was recently divorced and paying child support for 2 children he had
through marriage and so he begged this woman for an abortion or to give
the child up for adoption. The women refused and once the child was born
contacted the VA child support authorities to begin proceedings against
him for child support. A year later a judged finally ruled in her favor
awarding $890 + arrears for 1 and additional $200 per month making his
payments about $1100 per month for 1 child. He was still paying the
support of $400 his 2 children that resided in another state. He paid a
lawyer $2500 to help get his order adjusted because the judge would not
consider his other child support payments because they were not ordered by
court but paid voluntary in another state. The judge still refused to
reduce the amount. He never saw the woman or the child again. He moved
from a studio apt to a group home with 6 other people to reduce his living
cost, while she, a working woman making $40,000, living in a nice 2
bedroom apt was able to buy a new car. This was his life for 5 years and I
could see but not help his eventual slide into a deep depression because
he had no life, no car, and shared a toilet with 6 other people. 2 years
ago he lost his job and contacted the DCSE to have his payments reduce and
they refused him saying he was to get another job immediately and then if
the job paid less he could make another request for a reduction. He was
unable to get another job so DCSE took 55% of his unemployment check which
mad in unable to pay his rent so he had to move. He became homeless and I
think it was his embarrassment at his personal situation that made him
seem so elusive when I tried finding him to help. I was able to get him to
file for a reduction with the court but DCSE was unable to reach the
mother because the address they had on record belong to a friend who
forwarded  her checks to her but refused to give her current address.  The
judge refused a temporary reduction order saying that the mother had to be
present. So the case kept getting postponed until they finally located her
in another country and so finally almost a year later a court date was
finally set. When he appeared in court the first thing that happened was
the DA served him with a contempt order for him not paying for the past
year. He stated his case and inability to secure a job in his field
because of the economy and the judge asked him for proof that he looked
for work . He claimed to have kept some records but since did not have
them with him at the time court was rescheduled for 30 days later. Before
leaving the judge warned him that if he did not have a job at that time it
would not fair well with the court. He appeared back in court 30 days
later after getting a job a 7-11 one week earlier. He explained that he
had a job but DCSE had informed him that by law they could take up to 2/3
of his net pay which would leave him unable to take care of his own food
and housing and wouldn’t it be in the “best interest of the
child” to reduce his payments some he could at least keep a roof
over his head and be able to eat.  He showed the judge his record of 45
employers that he had filed applications with. After describing his
homeless situation to the judge She (the judge) then asked the mother if
she would agree to a reduction and she said no. The judge then asked the
DSCE attorney would they accept a reduction and they said they believed he
could find a better paying job and if the court reduced his payment they
believed he would just go out and get a high paying job depriving the
child of money it was entitled to. So the judge ruled…..against him
and kept his payment as is. He asked the judge if he could appeal the
decision and the judge said yes but in order to appeal he must post a bond
for the entire amount he was delinquent and it had to be done with in 30
days. The DA reminded him his contempt of court (failure to pay) hearing
was in 4 days and if he did not pay anything before then he had better
plan on going to jail.

For the next day and a half I tried to do my best to comfort my friend. He
came to stay with me and my girlfriend (1 bedroom apt) and he talked abut
nothing  but suicide. I called hotline, friends, pastors anybody I could
think of  to help me help him. He was a veteran and I finally talked to a
person at the VA and they had me bring him to the hospital where he
voluntary committed himself for 24 hours.  A day later I tried finding him
in the hospital only to find that he had signed himself out. His court
date was the following day so I call everyone I could think of to help me
locate him. I never found him. A week later I was contacted by the DC
police to come and make an ID of a John Doe that fit the description I had
given them. This was my first time doing anything like that so I showed up
at the morgue and was devastated to find my friend, dead. I hope non of
you will ever have to go through that kind of hell. He drank antifreeze to
end his pain. You can’t imagine the anger, the guilt, and the pain I
have to live with, thinking I could have done more for someone that I
called my friend. This child support monster the government has created
can only keep functioning if more and more (mostly men) are brought into
the system to satisfy the over 10 billons dollar a year that is
distributed to the states every year. Not today, because it’s too
late for my friend but eventually when enough (most men) get caught up in
this system then there will be a enough voices to make this tragedy stop.
He’s gone, took his own life, because he didn’t have enough
MONEY to give the system and live …not a luxurious life but just a
plain, basic, simple existence.  I have talked to many people who say this
shouldn’t have  happened or it’s and isolated case or what
about the mother and her struggle to raise a child. People say the system
is supposed to reduce your payments if you lose your job but the reality
is for most men is that less that 2% are able to get a reduction when they
are eligible. It’s like the fox guarding the chicken coop and always
difficult to prove that a system which has no checks or balances is
abiding by the law especially when there is profit being made. Well now my
friend is gone and I promised myself  to speak up and often, write letters
and stay informed and do my fair share to stop the He never saw the woman
again.  vilification of men by the family court system.

I can tell you that CPS is adamant they are not an enforcement agency.  The
only way they get involved is if they are called in by another state agency
or law enforcement group.  The exact words I heard from a CPS worker were:
"If you thought you children might die in a fire, we would not get involved
until after the fire."