Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2004

Don't you know that you are pathetic?  You're a worthless bag of filth.  I
bet you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the
heel.

You are a canker, a sore that won't go away, a fetid pus-oozing festering
boil on the anus of humanity.  If the universe were nothing but K-Y jelly,
you would be a grain of sand in it.  You are a fiend and a snivelling,
back-boneless coward, and you have bad breath.  You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved.  I feel debased just for knowing you exist.  The
world despises everything about you.  You are a gormless twit, a
protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of acoprophagiccloacal
parasitic pond scum.  And I wish you would go away.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit.  You are a spineless little
worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt.  You are a jerk, a
cad, a weasel.  Your life is a monument to stupidity.  You are a stench, a
revulsion, a putrefaction, a big suck on a sour lemon with a lime twist.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly
with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this
world, an insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the
puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and who then killed
themselves in regret for what they had done.

The entire human race will never get over the embarrassment of belonging
to the same species as you.  You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation.
The world barfs at the very thought of you.  You have all the appeal of a
paper cut.  Lepers avoid you.  You are vile, worthless, less than nothing.
You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth.  And did I mention you
smell?

If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one.
Try to edit your writing to conceal your complete lack of logical thought
process attempting to impress us with your insight.  You're a
snail-skulled little twit.  Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak
into your brain, and upon finding it rancid, set you loose to fly briefly
before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your
ignoble blood.  May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nauseaof your own
trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable.  You are grimy, squalid,
nasty and profane.  You are foul and disgusting.  You're a fool, an
ignoramus.  Monkeys look down on you.  Even sheep won't have sex with you.
Your hand even refuses autoerotism.  You are unreservedly pathetic,
starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.  You are
the epitome of conceit, the flea, floating down a river with anerection,
screaming, to those that care, "Open up the damn drawbridge".

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements
of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us?  What fantasy do you
hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more
weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle,
waiting for the bite of the snake?  You are a waste of flesh.  You have no
rhythm.  You are ridiculous and obnoxious.  You are the moral equivalent
of a leech.  You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void.  You are sour
and senile.  You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed
drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit.  You remind me of drool.  You are
deficient in all that lends character.  You have the personality of
wallpaper.  You are dank and filthy.  You are asinine and benighted.  You
are the source of all unpleasantness.  You spread misery and sorrow
wherever you go.  If the sum total of all the knowledge, experience and
wisdom that you have acquired in your stay thus far on earth were rolled
into one great big ball and shoved up a gnat's a.shole, there would be so
much room leftover that it would roll around like a BB in a boxcar.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are.  I mean rock-hard stupid,
dehydrated-rock-hard stupid.  Stupid, so stupid that it goes way beyond
the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid.  You are
trans-stupid stupid, Mega-stupid, stupid collapsed on itself so far that
even the neutrons have collapsed.  Stupid, having gotten so dense that no
intellect can escape, kind of stupid.  Singularly stupid.  Blazing hot
mid-day sun on the warm side of Mercury stupid.  You emit more stupid in
one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year, Quasar stupid.  Your
writing has to be a troll.  Nothing in our universe can really be that
stupid.  Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big
bang of stupid.  Some pure essence of a stupid, uncontaminated by anything
else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.  I'm sorry.  I
can't go on.  This is an epiphany of stupid for me.  After this, you may
not hear from me again for a while.  I don't have enough strength left to
deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant
trivia, or any of the rest of your drivel.

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to think, read, write, spell,
count and wipe your a.s you will have more success.  True, these are
rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that
everyone has an easy time of mastering.  But we sometimes forget that
there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more
difficult.  If I had known, that this was your case then I would have
never read your posts.  It just wouldn't have been "right."  Like parking
in a handicapped space.  I wish you the best of luck in the intellectual
struggles that seem to be placing such ademand on you (like passing gas,
for instance).

You have shown yourself to be an apogamous, bovaristic, coprolalial,
dasypygal, excerebro, facinorous, gnathonic, hircine, ityphallic,
jumentous, kyphotic, labrose, mephitic, napiform, oligophrenial,
papuliferous, quisquilian, rebarbative, saponaceous, thersitical,
unguinous, ventripotent, wlatsome, xylocephaloous, yirningzoophyte.

I'm sure the other fine folks can figure it out much more rapidly than you
ever will, so I'll give you the meanings of them before your tiny
snail-skulled head implodes.

It is to say you are an impotent, conceited, obscene, hairy-buttocked,
brainless, wicked, toadying, goatish, indecent, stable-smelling,
hunchbacked, thick-lipped, stinking, turnip-shaped, feeble-minded, pimply,
trashy, repellent, smarmy, foul-mouthed, greasy, gluttonous, loathsome,
wooden-headed, whining, extremely lowform of animal life.  In short, if I
traded you for sh.t, I would lose the container I brought you in.  When
you're done passing judgement on others and the affairs on this newsgroup,
sit back, take a deep breath, get centered, and lick a dog's a.s till it
bleeds and drips festering canine pus down your throat!!