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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / January 2006Ex left the state
FYI I'm posting this to the divorce group as well. My ex and I have been divorced for a year, separated for a year before that. We have a 2 1/2 year old son who I have primary custody of with my ex having visitation every other weekend. My ex has done well with the visitations, he has only missed a few in the last year. Child support on the other hand has been a huge mess...he's usually 3 months behind. Currently he hasn't paid anything since May so I contacted Child Support Recovery Unit. He had been allowed to just pay on his own and send the checks to the clerk of courts but obviously that wasn't working. I finally have everything set up and CSR was going to start taking money out of his pay checks *this week*. Well now for the last week and a half I haven't been able to reach him by phone. (He lives 2 hours away) I found out yesterday though that he has quit his job and left for Florida...we are in the midwest. I called his dad whom I'm still close to and he had no idea that my ex had left for Florida. After his dad made some phone calls it appears no one in his family knew that he was leaving. His dad is livid and to say the least, so am I. My question is now what do I do? I have a child here who misses his dad and can't understand why he can't talk to him on the phone. I feel like he's running because of the child support and I don't know what to do about that. Any thoughts? TIA "Just Me" <NewsgroupaddyNOSPAM@webtv.net> wrote in > My question is now what do I do? I have a child here who misses his dad > and can't understand why he can't talk to him on the phone. I feel like > he's running because of the child support and I don't know what to do > about that. Any thoughts? Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's relationship with it's father? The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things! KGsilver@comcast.net (kellyGirl) said: "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's relationship with it's father? The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things!" Obviously it's my sons relationship with his father that's more important. If it was the child support, I would have done something about that months ago. And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing any jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week..that's all that was going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that he had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much. > KGsilver@comcast.net (kellyGirl) said: > "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the > child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much. ==== "Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more important! Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And you can't figure out why dad took off? Your son has a right to be upset! ==== === >Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more important! >Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed >your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And you >can't figure out why dad took off? >Your son has a right to be upset! Just me -- Do not listen to these boobs. Some people here think that no child support is justified or if it is the obligor can take his sweet time. OSE is a demon spawn You were just trying to get his wages garnished. In some states that is automatic for EVERYONE. It is a much simpler situation. Employers know that the garnishment does not reflect badly on the employee. And the money is more likely to come in on a timely basis. Your ex CHOSE to leave his job rather than allow his check to be garnished. He CHOSE to quit his job. He CHOSE to move away. This is a classic situation of a paying parent adopting a lifestyle that revolves around not paying the child support. When bad things start happening to him as a result of his non-payment of child support, then it is everyone else's fault. Remember it takes 6 to 12 months of non-payment for the penalties to really start flowing. In my state even small payments can stave off those difficulties for while. This was HIS choice. I know of NO state that allow a CP to withhold visitation just because the supportis not paid. He CHOSE to leave the state. "LLL" <LEJORGENSENLAW@AOL.COM> wrote in > This was HIS choice. I know of NO state that allow a CP to withhold > visitation just because the supportis not paid. He CHOSE to leave the > state. Yes, it's still a free country, right? BTW, she chose to spread her legs for this guy. You lie down with dogs, your going to catch flees too! >BTW, she chose to spread her legs for this guy Typical sexist crap. The woman is to blame for the sexual act. Well HE chose to stick in in! > >BTW, she chose to spread her legs for this guy > > Typical sexist crap. The woman is to blame for the sexual act. > > Well HE chose to stick in in! And she ALONE chose to give birth. >BTW, she chose to spread her legs for this guy. They were MARRIED. SO it's her fault he is a schmuck. > >BTW, she chose to spread her legs for this guy. > > They were MARRIED. And? > SO it's her fault he is a schmuck. "Just Me" <NewsgroupaddyNOSPAM@webtv.net> wrote in > And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing any > jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week It's a federal offence to refuse to pay child support with sentences of up to 4 years in the State Prison. Child abandonment is a state offense with a minimum sentence of 3 months in the county jail. You did register your ex Husband's name with the local Child Support Agency, right? They will hound him until he is arrested and brought back to your state for arrearages. > "Just Me" <NewsgroupaddyNOSPAM@webtv.net> wrote in > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > They will hound him until he is arrested and brought back to your state for > arrearages. And once the authorities have tracked him down, tie him up with a chain that is staked deep into the ground. Make him stay out in the rain to howl at the moon. Treat him like a second class citizen and an unwanted dog. Tell the child he can't visit his father because his father is a lowlife, common criminal. Make sure the kid knows being born a male is the equivalent of being born a genetically flawed human being. Show the 2 1/2 year old son who misses his dad how the force of the state can be used to tame any male who dares to not accept the feminist's demands for compliance with a woman's desire to exact revenge. After all, women are the gentler, more compassionate sex, right? > > "Just Me" <NewsgroupaddyNOSPAM@webtv.net> wrote in > > [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > desire to exact revenge. After all, women are the gentler, more > compassionate sex, right? Right. :) test > "Just Me" <NewsgroupaddyNOSPAM@webtv.net> wrote in > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > with it's father? > The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things! > > KGsilver@comcast.net (kellyGirl) said: > > "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > ==== > "Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more important! > Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed > your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And you > can't figure out why dad took off? > Your son has a right to be upset! > ==== Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for a year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the stress of the divorce and not having a family to lean on during that time of need. This is a man who has an ex who seems to be closer to his father than he is. I really feel she was given the wrong advice from someone in the past on how to deal with this whole thing from the beginning. I also get this strong feeling his own family took sides when they split and it wasn't his. It is no different than when I seen my husband's ex's family do to her. They turned their back on her and she really distant herself from her children and family as a result. That was just not right. You can't believe the crappy advice my husband was given after his divorce from her family - go after her for child-support, blah blah blah... It was like they wanted to see her stabbed many times over for her wrong doing in the marriage. She may not have been a perfect wife, but my gosh - it was like a pack of wolves. To the original poster - my only advice I can give you is this... when you finally do talk to him have a heart-to-heart talk and finalize the divorce emotionally. Do that as calmly as possible without getting into any arguments. Aside from the must needed talk between you and your ex - cut the close ties you have with his family. It is good that you have a civil relationship with them, but your ex should be closer to his family then you are. Your ex *needs* his family more than you at this time. My next advice to you is to get the state out of your financial affairs and find a workable solution with your ex without their assistance. The impact on him may have been such a financial burden which added to the stress of the divorce. Perhaps down deep inside he didn't want the divorce and has bitter feelings towards you right now - especially if you are as close to his own father as you claim. Be reasonable to him and give him his space, his family, and dignity by working with him instead of against him. It is the only way you'll help your son have a decent relationship with his father for years to come. I wish you luck... Thanks, Tracy ~~~~ http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/ > > > > KGsilver@comcast.net (kellyGirl) said: > > > > "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > was > > > > going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that > he > > > > had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the > > > > child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much. > > > ==== > > > "Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more > > important! > > > Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed > > > your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And > > you > > > can't figure out why dad took off? > > > Your son has a right to be upset! > > > ==== > > > > Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for > a > > year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with > > her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the > stress [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > That father-in-law/ex-wife relationship sounded weird. There is probably a > long history behind that alliance. Plus the mother disclosed he had a > child with another woman since their divorce and was paying that woman too. > Paying CS to two women after taxes can be an extreme financial burden. The > concern expressed was strongly biased for the first child's welfare while > the second child's welfare has been ignored. Wow! I missed the post where she brought up the other child. Now I'm really thinking that an affair took place, his family disapproved of his behavior, etc... etc... etc... leading up to the overall burden of guilty feelings, ashamed, financially over burdened, plus a lot more. Which goes back to where I was coming from. Where he is at emotionally in terms of his divorce and his family is possibly similar to that of my husband's ex-wife. > I would think the order of events has driven him to flee. Just speculating, > if the second mother already had a CS withholding order (she would have been > smart to have one since she already knew about the CS obligation to the > first child), he could have been overwhelmed by getting a second withholding > order for the first mother. If he was juggling his finances to take care of > his CS obligations, he lost control of how to manage the situation when the > second withholding order was served on his employer. > > My point is - this stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum. Several other things > are probably going on that haven't been disclosed. That I agree with... a lot more. More than we were told. Either way - there is a very long road all parties are facing, and the right advice is very important at this time. They need to move beyond their decisions of divorce to help improve their situations, which includes child-support. The father is in a much tougher position then the mother since he has two different mothers then just one. What a mess... Tracy ~~~~ http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/ |
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