Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / June 2009

http://problemswithchildsupport.blogspot.com/2009/06/parents-forced-to-play-less
er-role-in.html
Twelve years ago I couldn’t conceive how a close and positive
relationship with my daughter could ever be transformed to match what
some astute observers and commentators advised me it would. Let this
post stand testament.

I doubt I can write with true justice to the complexity of everything
that was involved; there have no doubt been countless measures
implemented without my immediate and limited knowledge within the
prison of the parent forced to play a lesser role in their children’s
lives. This much is clear; deception is key to custodial parents who
seek to eliminate the involvement of the non-custodial parent. With
the one exception to child support, custodial parents wish to have
nothing to do with the final order issued by family court, other than
support and its enforcement.

Parents forced to play a lesser role in their children’s lives are
held to a high standard than most parents. Their actions are governed
by laws to a greater extent than the average individual. They are
limited in what they say or discuss with their own children, where
they go, what they do and when they do it whether by direct issue
under the court order or indirectly by means of fear and intimidation
by the responding action of the custodial parent. The long term result
most often is alienation from parents forced to play a lesser role in
their children’s lives.

Take for example a parent who falls into arrears with their child
support. When this happens, the support payer has 3 legal options set
down by enforcement legislation. In Canada, they are:
1.    Pay the full amount of arrears
2.    Increase the monthly amount until arrears are paid
3.    Motion to court for an order to refrain enforcement*

* Make note that option 3 requires a further motion to vary the
original court order.

Most parents who fall into this situation are without adequate
financial means to select either of the first two options and
reluctantly proceed into legal action as their sole remaining option.
Lack of finances will then force them to be their own legal team. In
the meantime their children become aware of the court action and view
the actions and the parent carrying them out as inappropriate and the
alienation begins. The children simply can’t understand their little
seen parent’s position or their resulting actions.

Even explanations to the children from parents forced to play a lesser
role in their children’s lives will be ineffective since they are
viewed as rationalization which they are often faced with in the hands
of the other parent. When the time comes and the children are teens,
they will often choose to ignore visitation schedules set out in their
final court order. The primary parent will of course support their
decision and the parents forced to play a lesser role in their
children’s lives will be helpless to defend themselves, their
positions or their actions. Further attempts to salvage what little
rights or privileges they have left are also limited and since the
offending actions are now those of the children, the parents forced to
play a lesser role in their children’s lives are faced with legal
motions that include the actions of the children which further
entrenches alienation.