Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / June 2009

Tough Question .... My suggestion would be to send him a letter to let
him know your thoughts.  Too painful for the family for you to appear.

Hi Cathy,

You say you still love him. May we presume then that it was him that
initiated the divorce? The at least would explain why you still love
him some 7 years after the implosion of your marriage.

That said, I do have a hard time relating as in my divorce, it was
very mutually nasty. In the end, for me at least, if I never saw my ex
every again and never heard her voice, then it would be too soon.

I agree with the other poster, it would be far too painful for you to
show up this far down the road. I am not even sure how a letter would
be received. I know if I was his new wife and saw a letter from you,
there is a very big chance that it would go into the cross-cut paper
shreder and he would never see it.

For whatever reasons, your paths have diverged. What happens to him
now should, technically, be none of your business. If you are still
carrying a torch for him seven years after the split, then it is time
to get some counselling. IMHO, you will never be able to achieve
closure and move on with your life if you do not get help with working
through the grieving process - which you have clearly not finished.

One of the most important things I did was to sift knowledge from the
ashes of my failed marraige. I went to counselling to discover how I
could have possibly made such a bad choice in a mate. I learned alot
about myself. And I never repeated my mistake. :)

Your journey begins now, and it begins with a journey *inward* to
learn about yourself. I do not believe there is anything you can - or
should - do for your ex. Even if you could, why go though that pain
for someone who by his actions does not want you in his life? (after
all, he is married to someone else now.)

Just my $0.02