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Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / October 2004



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We Settled!

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Big RJ - 26 Oct 2004 17:55 GMT
Hi again all,

I have been very busy with work and with wraping up my divorce.  I miss you
guys!

My STBX, her attorney, my attorney and myself met last Friday and settled
the case.  She get's the house and furniture, I get my business, some
personal accounts, and a decent amount of cash through a refinance she has
to do.  I feel a little screwed, but I guess that means it was a fair
settlement?  I read that somewhere.

After we finished, my STBX asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her.  I
said sure.  Then she asked the attorneys if they wanted to have lunch with
us as well.  Long story short, both attorneys, my STBX and I all went out
and had lunch!  My attorney told me later that he has NEVER known that to
happen before.  The good thing was we made the attorneys pay the lunch bill!

I guess the moral of my story is not to let yourself become overwhelmed with
hatred or any negative feelings towards your Ex.  It just isn't worth it,
you only hurt yourself.  Of course we did not have a custody fight for our
son, and each of us get's to have him 50% of the time.  I understand it is
much more difficult when you are fighting for something, especially if it's
your child(ren).

It was weird at the settlement conference.  My STBX kept looking at me.  I
could see in her eyes that she still loves me, and that she knows she blew
it.  I will always have a special place in my heart for her.  I guess being
my first wife made it easier to love her more than I could ever love
another.

Sorry for the mushy post.  I just feel good.  Her and I have gotten along
better the last few days than we have in the 15 months we have been
separated.

Good to be back.

Big RJ
Hunny_Pot - 26 Oct 2004 18:04 GMT
> Hi again all,
>
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>
> Big RJ

Welcome back RJ, glad to hear it went well.  :)

-Cheryl
The Dave© - 26 Oct 2004 18:14 GMT
> Big RJ wrote:
> The good thing was we
> made the attorneys pay the lunch bill!

You may see it on *YOUR* bill... with a 20% mark-up.  LOL!

Signature

Q. Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
 ~ Paul Lynde, on Hollywood Squares

The Dave© - 26 Oct 2004 18:15 GMT
> Big RJ wrote:
> Hi again all,
[quoted text clipped - 35 lines]
>
> Big RJ

Ok, serious, though.  Good post.  I'm always glad when people can get
together and work through things like adults.

Signature

Q. Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
 ~ Paul Lynde, on Hollywood Squares

Bill in Co. - 26 Oct 2004 18:54 GMT
> Hi again all,
>
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
> to do.  I feel a little screwed, but I guess that means it was a fair
> settlement?  I read that somewhere.

If you BOTH feel a little screwed, that is a pretty good sign that it was a
fair settlement.
Big RJ - 26 Oct 2004 19:08 GMT
> > Hi again all,
> >
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> If you BOTH feel a little screwed, that is a pretty good sign that it was a
> fair settlement.

Yep Bill, you said it the way I had heard it.  It looks okay to me.  I don't
know if she feels a little screwed, but I think she might by the look on her
face when we negotiated the numbers.
barry@psyber.com - 26 Oct 2004 22:44 GMT
: Hi again all,

: I have been very busy with work and with wraping up my divorce.  I miss you
: guys!

: After we finished, my STBX asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her.  I
: said sure.  Then she asked the attorneys if they wanted to have lunch with
: us as well.  Long story short, both attorneys, my STBX and I all went out
: and had lunch!  My attorney told me later that he has NEVER known that to
: happen before.  The good thing was we made the attorneys pay the lunch bill!

My ex called me up and wanted to "get together and have a drink" (and probably
attempt to rekindle the relationship).  All of this after a 2 year
drawn out divorce and groveling over money.

I stayed away like she had the plague.  

It's interesting, isn't it?

b.
Big RJ - 27 Oct 2004 18:14 GMT
> : Hi again all,
>
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
>
> b.

It is very interesting.  She kept looking at me through out the meeting.  I
can tell she still feels it.  I mean it was so damn obvious!  I don't know
why the hell that happens.  Maybe she just saw "the good ship Big RJ"
sailing away.  She blew it.  She had the affair, she didn't work hard with
me to save the marriage.  f.ck that, I don't need that in my life.  See ya
babe!

Man I feel good today!  I may have bent over for the cash she got, but I can
make more.  The most important things got taken care of (our boy).  I never
have to share my sh.t again.  Pre-nup city, here I come!

Big (and happy) RJ
Bill in Co. - 28 Oct 2004 19:09 GMT
Heck, I can't resist this one (sorry Big RJ, I know where you're coming from
in how this all feels)...

>>> Hi again all,
>>
>>> I have been very busy with work and with wraping up my divorce.  I miss
you
>>> guys!
>>
>>> After we finished, my STBX asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her.
I
>>> said sure.  Then she asked the attorneys if they wanted to have lunch
with
>>> us as well.  Long story short, both attorneys, my STBX and I all went
out
>>> and had lunch!  My attorney told me later that he has NEVER known that
to
>>> happen before.  The good thing was we made the attorneys pay the lunch
bill!

Silly boy!    YOU paid for it!    (no offense)     The money you paid them
was just turned around for the lunch, but it came out of YOUR pocket!
Big RJ - 29 Oct 2004 00:21 GMT
I know I really bought lunch and a whole bunch more.  I do have the
emotional satisfaction that the divorce is almost final.  I will pay my last
attorney bill in about a months time.....

> Heck, I can't resist this one (sorry Big RJ, I know where you're coming from
> in how this all feels)...
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
> Silly boy!    YOU paid for it!    (no offense)     The money you paid them
> was just turned around for the lunch, but it came out of YOUR pocket!
Bill in Co. - 29 Oct 2004 02:23 GMT
Well, that part sounds encouraging, RJ.    Going thru this process of
divorce is the Pits, for sure.    Can we get much closer to Hell?
(rhetorical)

> I know I really bought lunch and a whole bunch more.  I do have the
> emotional satisfaction that the divorce is almost final.  I will pay my last
> attorney bill in about a months time.....
>
>> Heck, I can't resist this one (sorry Big RJ, I know where you're coming
from
>> in how this all feels)...
>>
>>>>> Hi again all,
>>>>
>>>>> I have been very busy with work and with wraping up my divorce.  I
miss
>>>>> you guys!
>>>>
>>>>> After we finished, my STBX asked me if I wanted to have lunch with
her. I
>>>>> said sure.  Then she asked the attorneys if they wanted to have lunch
with
>>>>> us as well.  Long story short, both attorneys, my STBX and I all went
out
>>>>> and had lunch!  My attorney told me later that he has NEVER known that
to
>>>>> happen before.  The good thing was we made the attorneys pay the lunch
>>>>> bill!
>>
>> Silly boy!    YOU paid for it!    (no offense)     The money you paid them
>> was just turned around for the lunch, but it came out of YOUR pocket!
YooperBoyka - 26 Oct 2004 23:04 GMT
<Taps fists with RJ>
Cool.

> Hi again all,
>
[quoted text clipped - 38 lines]
>
> Big RJ
The Dave© - 26 Oct 2004 23:34 GMT
> YooperBoyka wrote:
> <Taps fists with RJ>
> Cool.

I like your responses.

Signature

Q. Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
 ~ Paul Lynde, on Hollywood Squares

YooperBoyka - 26 Oct 2004 23:52 GMT
>> YooperBoyka wrote:
>> <Taps fists with RJ>
>> Cool.
>
> I like your responses.

Thanks.
It's just brevity out of necessity, though.
Big RJ - 27 Oct 2004 18:15 GMT
Thanks Yoop!  Little bit of a roller coaster emotionally, but I can take
this ride!

> <Taps fists with RJ>
> Cool.
[quoted text clipped - 41 lines]
> >
> > Big RJ
Fido - 29 Oct 2004 17:40 GMT
>  The good thing was we made the
> attorneys pay the lunch bill!

That IS good news RJ!

You ROCK, dude!

Best - Fido
 
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