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Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / September 2005Wedding Rings / Old Wounds
Background: My ex and I wore my parents rings as our own for 18 years. For the last five, they've been in a jewelry box that I inherited from my mother, and I had not given them a 2d thought. Tonight, my brother e-mails me and says that his wife wants to know if I have my mother's wedding ring, so it can be passed on to one of their daughters to use (I have no children). I looked in the box to see if they're still there. On one hand, it makes sense to pass these down to my nieces. OTOH, they have meaning for me. as well. I reply that I will give the rings to one of their daughters, if and when there's a marriage. But I wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? :-/ =R= >I looked in the box to see if they're still there. On one hand, it >makes sense to pass these down to my nieces. OTOH, they >have meaning for me. as well. I reply that I will give the rings >to one of their daughters, if and when there's a marriage. But I >wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? So the rings were there? Give them to your brother if and when a daughter gets married. It could be that she won't even want it and wants something of her own. You're not giving them to your brother. You're giving the rings to your niece. I know...semantics, but one of my law professors said that law is about language and if you use the wrong words, people will laugh at you. :-) >Background: My ex and I wore my parents rings as our own >for 18 years. For the last five, they've been in a jewelry box [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? >:-/ =R= -------- You can't change the past, but you can change the future. >Background: My ex and I wore my parents rings as our own >for 18 years. For the last five, they've been in a jewelry box [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? >:-/ =R= Try not to attach too much emotional importance to a piece of metal, rock, etc. Things are just things. NO@blah.blahhhhh says... >>I looked in the box to see if they're still there. On one hand, it >>makes sense to pass these down to my nieces. OTOH, they >>have meaning for me. as well. I reply that I will give the rings >>to one of their daughters, if and when there's a marriage. But I >>wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? How does your brother feel about the rings? If his only concern was for his daughter to use, then keep the rings. If he'd like to be the caretaker for a while, then it would be nice to pass them on. They could have some meaning for him too. I don't have much of an example to go by. When I left NY, I took my Dad's shotgun and a .22 rifle he had (it was his training rifle when he was in the army). Dad died 7 years after I left. I was talking to my brother one time and he told me that he had been looking for Dad's shotgun but didn't know where it was. I gave it to him. It had meaning for him as well as it did for me. Hi Rog, Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction on this one... >For the last five, they've been in a jewelry box > that I inherited from my mother, and I had not given them a 2d > thought. My son will leave a toy forgotten for months, and then all the sudden claim ownership on the day his little sister starts playing with it. If you haven't thought about them in 5 years, you're being just a bit childish about not giving them away to family now. Even if they end up selling them (which I guess is what you're worried about), who cares? Forget them for 5 more years ;-> In any case, they'll get better use than mine, which ended up in the trash. HTH, Ed > Hi Rog, > Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > In any case, they'll get better use than mine, which ended up in the > trash. -------------------------- I think that you make a good point. I had felt responsible as a "caretaker" for these family mementos, but I'd have to admit that my brother is /almost/ as reliable as I and /somewhat/ trustworthy, so maybe its now time to turns the reigns over to him. =R= >> Hi Rog, >> Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > my brother is /almost/ as reliable as I and /somewhat/ trustworthy, > so maybe its now time to turns the reigns over to him. =R= Rog, Like someone mentioned before you aren't giving them to your brother they are going to your niece...... How does she view the rings? She probably wouldn't even want them when she gets the option. She'll want a nice shiney new one that cost about $10,000. Big RJ >>> Hi Rog, >>> Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > > Big RJ You know kids will surprise you sometimes. I recently gave my daughter (23) the wedding rings from her father and my marriage, she was very touched and wears the engagement ring daily (says it reminds her of me and her father). It is a small ring and not at all fancy, as at that time in my life money was very scarce, so I was really surprised at her reaction when I gave it to her. LoriMc >>>> Hi Rog, >>>> Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] >was very scarce, so I was really surprised at her reaction when I gave it to >her. Some still cherish things for value other than monetary. :-) (if i had a $10,000 ring i'd never wear it) >>>>> Hi Rog, >>>>> Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] >> >> You know kids will surprise you sometimes. I recently gave my daughter (23) >> the wedding rings from her father and my marriage, she was very touched and >> wears the engagement ring daily (says it reminds her of me and her father). >> It is a small ring and not at all fancy, as at that time in my life money >> was very scarce, so I was really surprised at her reaction when I gave it to >> her. > > Some still cherish things for value other than monetary. :-) Nonsense, you OLD TIMER. (You need to get with the times, girl). >Nonsense, you OLD TIMER. (You need to get with the times, girl). Who ya callin' OLD!! :-) >>Nonsense, you OLD TIMER. (You need to get with the times, girl). > > Who ya callin' OLD!! > :-) Yeah,...pop 'im inna jaw! We ain't old !!!! ...and neither is he. He's jus' usin' it as an excuse ta not *do* anything. surly_curmudgeon08@earthlink.net says... >> Some still cherish things for value other than monetary. :-) >Nonsense, you OLD TIMER. (You need to get with the times, girl). I don't know about that. I have an old club sword that my grandfather gave to me. My 29 year old has often told me that he wants it when the time comes. I've got an old trunk that I've had since I was 6. My 24 year old daughter has dibs on it. (in a previous post I think I said she was 23). That .22 rifle I mentioned a little while ago is in my youngest son's room. (he is 16). It took me a while to get my hands on that sword myself. My brother told me it was his. I tried for years to get that sword from him. It wasn't until I had grown up that Mom told me that sword was mine to begin with. > I have an old club sword that my grandfather gave to me. > My 29 year old has often told me that he wants it when the > time comes. <snip> It took me a while to get my hands on > that sword myself. My brother told me it was his. I tried for > years to get that sword from him. It wasn't until I had grown > up that Mom told me that sword was mine to begin with. I haven't rec'd a response to the e-mail that I sent my brother on Tuesday. I'm guessing that he (or his snooty wife) are somewhat peeved that I didn't just say I'd had the rings over. Well, his daughters are only 5 & 8 now, so there's no rush, and he got a fair share of stuff from our parents, already. =R= >> I have an old club sword that my grandfather gave to me. >> My 29 year old has often told me that he wants it when the [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Well, his daughters are only 5 & 8 now, so there's no rush, > and he got a fair share of stuff from our parents, already. =R= Damnit Rog' you got us all worked up for a 5 and an 8 year old? Grrrrr..... Very funny though. Big rcblinnNoSpam@bellsouth.net says... >somewhat peeved that I didn't just say I'd had the rings over. >Well, his daughters are only 5 & 8 now, so there's no rush, >and he got a fair share of stuff from our parents, already. =R= Do what!? 5 & 8?? Somehow I came up with the impression that they were a lot closer to getting married than that. With that tidbit of information, I would say those rings are just fine where they are. Neither my brother or I have much of anything that belonged to Dad. Dad was living in CO when he died. I had more than my brother did so I didn't mind passing a little bit to him. I was in OK and my brother was in NY at the time. >>>> Hi Rog, >>>> Don't mean to attack you, but I'll give you my gut reaction [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > > LoriMc Lori, That is a wonderful story. You gave YOUR rings to your child and she appreciates them. Rog' has the option of giving his PARENTS rings to their grandchild. That one extra step may make a difference. JMHO. Big > That is a wonderful story. You gave YOUR rings to your child and she > appreciates them. Rog' has the option of giving his PARENTS rings to their > grandchild. That one extra step may make a difference. JMHO. Lori's story is great ... and how it is supposed to be, methinks. Rog has, IMNSHO, a fantastic opportunity here. He is (if I read things right) the Big Brother. He has the opportunity to hold onto those rings, as the big brother, and then present them in 12 or 20 years as part of "da family." We are all tied together. Can you imagine what those kids will think when Uncle Rog says, "This was your grandma's...." Rambler > Hi Rog, > [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > HTH, > Ed One of the things I've learned as I've gotten older is that the things I used to own that I still have now own me instead. I look at things and have trouble parting with them, as if I'm a custodian of something precious. The opportunity to give some of my stuff to somebody who actually asks for it (instead of violating the unwritten and essentially imaginary terms of my stewardship) would be a real blessing to me. Give up the ring and happily scratch one thing from your long list of unneeded responsibilities. > Background: My ex and I wore my parents rings as our own > for 18 years. For the last five, they've been in a jewelry box [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > wonder if I should keep them, or just give them to my brother? > :-/ =R= Listen to that old Gary Lewis and the Playboys song, and then ask again. |
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