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Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / February 2006Newb separation Qs
Hi, All good things must come to an end, however. My wife and I have an amicable agreement to separate and our first priority is on our 5 year old son's interests. My wife has MS which makes ongoing health insurance a bit of a sticky wicket (she is fairly uninsurable w/o a group plan). And she current does not work, but will be starting a part-time job shortly. So, basically - I want to say that we are friends (really!) that just didn't work out as spouses and again, are keeping the main focus on as healthy a separation as possible for our son. Here's some newb questions, for North Carolina, if possible: - Can a separation agreement, while not a divorce, order for the seperation of retirement assets? We will need some of the monies from this during the 1 year separation period, but I don't want to pay the 10% penalty on the IRA - I would like to have it "court ordered". - I understand that group health insurance (through my employer) may be continued for separation but not divorce. Can separation occur indefinitely until such time as we need to divorce (ie: have met and want to remarry another) Hmm, I guess I don't have more newb questions than that -- but I suppose that will change too. We think it will take a few months to agree on a separation agreement and execute on the plan. Thanks, Chris PS: So far I can recommend "Getting divorced without ruining your life". Any other good reads for an amicable healthy separation? Chu said > - I understand that group health insurance (through my employer) may > be continued for separation but not divorce. Can separation occur > indefinitely until such time as we need to divorce (ie: have met and > want to remarry another) In general, this is just a really bad idea. Finalize the divorce and move on. More than anything, finalize the divorce agreement while things are still amicable. Extending the separation may sound like a good idea, but you need to realize that one of you may have a complete change of attitude while separated but not divorced. It could get ugly. Divorce, be single, and move on with your lives. Casey > Hi, > > - Can a separation agreement, while not a divorce, order for the > seperation of retirement assets? We will need some of the monies from > this during the 1 year separation period, but I don't want to pay the > 10% penalty on the IRA - I would like to have it "court ordered". A QDRO (qualified domestic relations order) is the court order that separates your retirement assets. If you roll the assets over after you split, there is no penalty, but if you take the money, you will have to pay the penalty. The penalty is more like 20%, not 10%. Best of luck to you, this is a tough time. Elisa > Hi, > > - I understand that group health insurance (through my employer) may > be continued for separation but not divorce. Can separation occur > indefinitely until such time as we need to divorce (ie: have met and > want to remarry another) COBRA federal laws will enable her to keep your group health ins. for up to 29 months if she is disabled by SS standards, 18 months if not disabled. This 18 month period begins on the date of the divorce. She will be responsible to pay for herself, at the group rate with only (up to) a 2% admin. charge. LL >> Hi, >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > will be responsible to pay for herself, at the group rate with only (up > to) a 2% admin. charge. Actually, in the case of divorce I think it is 36 months. It can be really expensive, though - usually the employer pays the bulk of the cost, and with COBRA you are footing the whole bill. Here are a couple of links: http://www.cobrainsurance.com/COBRA_FAQ.htm#How%20long%20must%20COBRA%20continua tion%20coverage%20be%20available%20to%20a%20qualified%20beneficiary? While this one is aimed at women, it really is true for men too - and it makes a good point about developing medical conditions during the COBRA period: http://www.wife.org/columnists/lowenstein/lowenstein.htm >> Hi, >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > will be responsible to pay for herself, at the group rate with only (up > to) a 2% admin. charge. You mean IF she can afford it, LL. What a JOKE. Have you met *anyone* who can afford COBRA?????? (I mean, besides the lawyers, of course, who are, in large part responsible for the outrageous rates, due to litigation issues) You know why it's called COBRA? Because it's payments are the kiss of death. Welcome back to the current, oh-so-progressive, New Age ... of so-called (and alleged) societal "progress". And thanks for the laugh this morning. Can't he agree to pay her Cobra Insurance as a part of their agreement? If she has MS... how is this woman going to pay for insurance on her own? She should ask for additional money for alimony to cover her insurance . ... shouldn't she? > > Hi, > > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > LL If you can remain friendly I don't see why you can't stay together until the kid is up and out. You say your first priority is the child right? How is divorce in his best interest? I can see how it might be good for you or your wife, but how so for the child? Did he ask for you to separate? Is he going to be thrilled that he doesn't have immediate access to both his parents? Just curious. > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > PS: So far I can recommend "Getting divorced without ruining your > life". Any other good reads for an amicable healthy separation? > If you can remain friendly I don't see why you can't stay together > until the kid is up and out. You say your first priority is the child > right? People say a lot of things, but when push comes to shove, you know most bail these days. It's a throwaway society today. So don't act so surprised, Toni. > How is divorce in his best interest? I can see how it might be > good for you or your wife, but how so for the child? Did he ask for [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] >> PS: So far I can recommend "Getting divorced without ruining your >> life". Any other good reads for an amicable healthy separation? I don't fully disagree. My issue is that I do not want the divorce, however I think it's going to happen irrespective of my wants and a mutual divorce is going to be much better than one where I am simply resisting and being unco-operative. Really, I cannot force her to accept counselling. |
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