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Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / March 2006What is next?
Today, I hired an appraiser at 125 an hr to appraise our marital items and artwork. Went to the house with the appraiser and I was denied entrance by my stbx. But he allowed appraiser in. However, he only showed him what he wanted to show him. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF.... while the appraiser was there he told him that I had affairs with young boys, had affairs with the police AND went on and on and even told the guy how much he loved me. Imagine??? After meeting with the appraiser when he was finished I found out that he only saw four prints out of the twelve pieces of artwork and my stbx hid all the originals. As far as what he said about me the appraiser told me that he thought he was trying to sway his appraisal, as if I was the reason for the divorce! My stbx is like a CAMELION....he changes color and acts differently to sway people to his side! He has sole occupancy of the house. The courts suggest getting an appraisal before distribution. I still own the house and the contents and he denied me entrance???? Showed him only what he wanted to and hid the original art work from the appraiser and then slandered me to the guy I hired to appraise???? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... My lawyer I believe will be filing contempt charges against him as he hid artwork and told the appraiser it was his! The appraiser was there an hour and a half and said...basically he accomplished nothing. Oh God..... please bare with me..... it's almost over but getting to the end...I can not let what he does get to me and yet...how do you ignore this??? The bonfire isn't going to happen soon enough! > how do you > ignore this??? It's just stuff. "Well, when you've seen what I've seen, things don't seem so bad. Quit worrying 'bout what you ain't got, thank god for what you have." It's just stuff and my reputation with someone involved in antiques as I am I am tired of him slandering me, lieing and hiding assets. My assets and every single blessed thing has been controlled by this man for over two years now! I wouldn't care about this stuff, had he given me at least what I needed to live. I have heard of women and men who left and took everything except they say that when you do that....you should leave one fork, one spoon, one knife, cup, mattress...etc.... and then normally the courts wont do anything to you. I on the other hand...was given nothing! and was forced to leave..didn't leave willingly. It's going to trial. This stuff matters as this art work has value and although it may be just stuff 1/2 of the value goes to each of us and as far as assets and earning capacity goes.... I need as much in my column as possible...because when it's over..its over. I dont know which i am more upset about...him hiding assets or him slandering me to a stranger to try and sway his appraisal...but I am sick of his behavior. My son and he got into a huge fight when the appraiser left as my son heard what he said to him. No, that is what upsets me the most!!! When going to trial in a divorce, you should be required to make a formal declaration of ALL assets. My ex and I were required to do this. That is how I caught her in her lie about the $10,000 she "forgot" to declare on her forms. You swear out an affidavit which lists ALL assets. Get him to as well. Then you both submit them to the court without prior disclosure to each other. It is gonna look mighty bad when his list is short all those objects d'art! I can't imagine why on earth you would try to go into the home without a written agreement. I went into our home, but the agreement was "on the record"/ She left the house, and a mutual friend stayed in the house to observe me making my inventory of assets. Had she denied me entry on that occassion, the courts would have looked very badly on it. You are dealing with a vendictive ex. Get EVERYTHING in WRITTING - no matter how trivial. >It's just stuff and my reputation with someone involved in antiques as >I am [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > >No, that is what upsets me the most!!! > When going to trial in a divorce, you should be required to make a > formal declaration of ALL assets. My ex and I were required to do [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > each other. It is gonna look mighty bad when his list is short all > those objects d'art! We did that. He wrote that the art was gifts to him alone from his father He also stated that the contents were "deminimus" or valueless. > I can't imagine why on earth you would try to go into the home without > a written agreement. I went into our home, but the agreement was "on > the record"/ She left the house, and a mutual friend stayed in the > house to observe me making my inventory of assets. Had she denied me > entry on that occassion, the courts would have looked very badly on He agreed to allow us in at 5pm but said to me that he had to be there because he had to tell the guy what not to appraise! Haaaa... well instead he took it off the walls and put it some where ... maybe even out of the house to his dads????? I have a document from the court it is a pre trial for monday . I was trying to get in that house for over a month and he kept hem hawing around and his lawyer was extremely loud and rude to my lawyers secretary and that got my laywer going! She, although new is starting to see and has told me that I am totally right about this lawyer. She does have a vendetta against me too...now remember I filed a complaint about her harassing me outside the court room? I filed it with the Bar Association here and they wrote back telling me that although they thought what she did was unprofessional it was not unethical! So she is allowed to and has continued to harass me after every hearing. The first time she announced she was going to follow me to the bathroom! arghhhh and when i went to a deputy who escorted us to another desk...the deputy had to tell her to back away from me!!! Tell ya what...they say dogs look like their masters...haaaaaa Well, this lawyer is taking on the mentality of her client! and maybe I shouldn't blame her as much as she is only hearing what HE HE HE is telling her! He would not allow me in because he didnt want me to be there and show the guy what he should appraise and then TRIED TO SWAY HIM WITH HIS SLANDER OF ME? to make him feel sorry for him? Seriously, I wish someone would throw this a.s in jail... I should have done it when he abused me charged him with assalt and battery every time!!! and BOY am I sorry I didn't!!!! What a fool I was :( but I was trying to maintain for my sons sake..that was the biggest mistake i made! > it. > [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > > >No, that is what upsets me the most!!! > When going to trial in a divorce, you should be required to make a > formal declaration of ALL assets. My ex and I were required to do [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > each other. It is gonna look mighty bad when his list is short all > those objects d'art! We did that. He wrote that the art was gifts to him alone from his father He also stated that the contents were "deminimus" or valueless. > I can't imagine why on earth you would try to go into the home without > a written agreement. I went into our home, but the agreement was "on > the record"/ She left the house, and a mutual friend stayed in the > house to observe me making my inventory of assets. Had she denied me > entry on that occassion, the courts would have looked very badly on He agreed to allow us in at 5pm but said to me that he had to be there because he had to tell the guy what not to appraise! Haaaa... well instead he took it off the walls and put it some where ... maybe even out of the house to his dads????? I have a document from the court it is a pre trial for monday . I was trying to get in that house for over a month and he kept hem hawing around and his lawyer was extremely loud and rude to my lawyers secretary and that got my laywer going! She, although new is starting to see and has told me that I am totally right about this lawyer. She does have a vendetta against me too...now remember I filed a complaint about her harassing me outside the court room? I filed it with the Bar Association here and they wrote back telling me that although they thought what she did was unprofessional it was not unethical! So she is allowed to and has continued to harass me after every hearing. The first time she announced she was going to follow me to the bathroom! arghhhh and when i went to a deputy who escorted us to another desk...the deputy had to tell her to back away from me!!! Tell ya what...they say dogs look like their masters...haaaaaa Well, this lawyer is taking on the mentality of her client! and maybe I shouldn't blame her as much as she is only hearing what HE HE HE is telling her! He would not allow me in because he didnt want me to be there and show the guy what he should appraise and then TRIED TO SWAY HIM WITH HIS SLANDER OF ME? to make him feel sorry for him? Seriously, I wish someone would throw this a.s in jail... I should have done it when he abused me charged him with assalt and battery every time!!! and BOY am I sorry I didn't!!!! What a fool I was :( but I was trying to maintain for my sons sake..that was the biggest mistake i made! > it. > [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > > >No, that is what upsets me the most!!! >> You swear out an affidavit which lists ALL assets. Get him to as well. >> Then you both submit them to the court without prior disclosure to [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > We did that. He wrote that the art was gifts to him alone from his > father Was the art gifts from his father? > He also stated that the contents were "deminimus" or valueless. Well, if they are valueless he shouldn't mind sharing... > Well, this lawyer is taking on the mentality of her client! and maybe I > shouldn't blame her as much as she is only hearing what HE HE HE is > telling her! > He would not allow me in because he didnt want me to be there and show > the guy what he should appraise and then TRIED TO SWAY HIM WITH HIS > SLANDER OF ME? to make him feel sorry for him? While I realize it is distressing, focusing on slander and the mentality of the lawyer really isn't useful to you, and will just dissipate energy that would be better spent on something else. You can't stop him from acting like a jerk, and you can't stop his lawyer from acting like a jerk. All you can do is act with dignity and professionalism, and let the contrast between your behavior and theirs tell the tale. People will notice the difference. Smear Crusades . Been there done that . I know you may feel like people are buying into his slander but , it's nothing to worry about . The more he publicly slanders you to friends or strangers , the more he makes him self look like a nut case over time . If he gets off on acting like a professional victim , let him . Concentrate on fighting for your assets while he waist's his energy on his slander campains . You will find that things will work in your favor come divorce time . Smear tactic's are commonly used by mentaly ill people to distract and throw others off ballance . I would't pay much attention to these smears . This is only an attempt to distract you from getting your assets back . Good luck . > It's just stuff and my reputation with someone involved in antiques as > I am [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > No, that is what upsets me the most!!! I hear that you are upset, but are you *surprised*? I don't know your history, but it seems to me that when people get divorced, they expect the person they are divorcing to behave in a way they never have before. > It's just stuff and my reputation with someone involved in antiques as > I am [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > No, that is what upsets me the most!!! >Went to the house with the appraiser and I was denied entrance by my >stbx. But he allowed appraiser in. > I still own the house and the contents >and he denied me entrance???? I forgot how he would be allowed to do this? Does he have a court order or something that denies you entrance to your house? He petitioned for what i thought was sole possession of the house after I was out of there for two years. Ends up he was granted exclusive occupancy! I didnt know that term until yesterday. However.... my lawyer told me that he had to gave me access to bring in an appraiser because the court says that before trial both parties shall obtain appraisals. I got the house appraised before he got exclusive possession, but I did not have the contents appraised. His lawyer was screaming about the real estate appraisal and didnt know I had done that!! Oh boy! In the intial divorce degree it was stated that neither party shall encumber, destroy, dissipate...etc etc. To me, not only did he slander me to the appraiser, he also decided what was his, hid it and would not allow the appraiser to appraise it. (encumbering) For all I know those things are not even in the house. Fortunately I as poor as they are...took video and pictures of the house before I left. I have pictures of most of the artwork and antiques in the house. After what I've learned.... i highly suggest to anyone who either leaves because of abuse or any other reason, and the other party is totally unreasonable or you feel that you may not settle the case together that you a. have the house appraised before you leave because if the other person allows the house to dissipate at least you can get it reappraised at that time and show the dammage and b. video tape or take pictures of the contents....everything. Because once you are out of that house even if you still own it, things will dissappear or become someone elses property..or what ever. I know in the grand sceme of things people here think stuff is just stuff, however.... when it is going to trial and you are desperate for money...that very stuff adds up! To my stbx...it's not really the stuff.... it is the CONTROL! I don't really want this stuff...not now, because I've been forced to purchase all new stuff to survive, however because of that...now, I need the money from my stuff, I guess an easier way to do it would be present a bill for what I had to purchase to live after being forced out of my house along with the rent he owes me for living in our house scot free while I had to pay rent. Hmmm??? Two points. 1. You will have your day in court, and it should be soon, right? 2. You're right. It is about control. However, he only wins if you let him, and it sounds like he is winning this round. ><snip> >I know in the grand sceme of things people here think stuff is just [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >while I had to pay rent. >Hmmm??? ____________________ You do what you do and you pay for your sins and there's no such thing as what might have been... that's a waste of time...drive you out of your mind... > Two points. > > 1. You will have your day in court, and it should be soon, right? > > 2. You're right. It is about control. However, he only wins if you > let him, and it sounds like he is winning this round. You are right .... I just get soooo frustrated when he does this! However, once again, this is an appraiser for fine art and antiques. I am in the antique field (as small an operation as it is) He is slandering me to a fellow business person just as he did to the bill collector for the store who called the house! To me, go ahead tell your friends anything you want...even tell my friends...who cares! People that know me and my friends..know EXACTLY what was up! They lived through it with me on a daily basis and many even heard verbal abuse while on the phone with me.....BUT.... to say these things to people that I do business with to try and ruin what ever I can salvage out of my former business that I gave up to raise a family? He is a nurse. He came home with viles of Morphine stuck in his pocket. Once he even layed it on the dresser and went to work without it. It dissappeared! I had to call three of my sons home and tell them....it's not even funny to have that on them even just to pretend!!! I could have called the hospital and told them. I could have ruined his career as a matter of fact... even if I formally charged him with assault...he would have lost his job! What happened instead was .... he got some other male nurse to write down that he saw him "waste" it to cover his butt! I was furious that he wasn't responsible enough to at least conceal it from his sons until he got it back to the hospital.... it was never found. Any way.... how would you feel if your STBX called a business associate of yours and slandered you? I see your point. It is damn wrong to mess with someone's livelihood. It is similar to the situation of the bitter S2BX wife who slanders her husband at his work. Can you get a court order or something similar? I mean, this is like taking food from your table... :-( >> Two points. >> [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] >Any way.... how would you feel if your STBX called a business associate >of yours and slandered you? ____________________ You do what you do and you pay for your sins and there's no such thing as what might have been... that's a waste of time...drive you out of your mind... > Can you get a court order or something similar? I mean, this is like > taking food from your table... :-( Not only that he FOILED my appraisal! by not allowing the man to see all the artwork! The man drove 50 miles...met me at my shop at 4 went in at 5 and didnt come out until 6 30 pm. I figure that is about 3 1/2 hours at 125 an hr plus the time he spent with me discussing it .... another hour! So that was about 4 1/2 hours for NOTHING! Thing is.... I am a little upset that the man didnt say...look... i am here to appraise not listen to your story...but I guess he was litterally a captive audience. My stbx was so cordial to him, and I did apprise him of his violent nature before hand as I thought if anything happened so he knew either of us should contact the police. >I see your point. It is damn wrong to mess with someone's livelihood. > It is similar to the situation of the bitter S2BX wife who slanders > her husband at his work. > > Can you get a court order or something similar? I mean, this is like > taking food from your table... :-( Yeah, this is pretty bad :-( He sounds like an incredibly immature & spiteful a.shole Whatever did you see in him??? >>> Two points. >>> [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > and there's no such thing as what might have been... > that's a waste of time...drive you out of your mind... |
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