Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / July 2007

One simple question, do you have children?

Daisy

On 19 juil, 01:42, yoyoyr...@gmail.com wrote:

Hello ,six years ago my husband mistress called me to tell me she had
been sleeping with him for the past 9 months.

I don't have to tell you the floor open under my feet,I had no idea.
After that one evening I was sitting on the side of my bed with a
bunch of pills

in front of me and I was ready to end it all. My computer was open and
to this day I still don't know why I enter the name "divorce" the
newsgroup section and end up here. I posted my story and said I what I
was thinking of doing. A bunch of very good peoples came to my
help,and told me to

keep hoping,not to do it,that better days are coming. That for now
just being alive was enough,that it will hurt a lot but there is good
times coming,and probably even better then what I though I had before.

Well there told the truth,we are six years after ,I can't be happier
made a ton of changes in my life ,bur mostly in myself. I decided that
I would love myself first and then would love someone else,that I
would never trust someone a 100%.Trust and love are two different
things.

Love is a gift,trust is earn.

TO resume it ,I am happy ,I have a great life I even started my own
small company and made it a success. You will grow from this,believe
me.

Turn this situation to your advantage,not against yourself. You will
let go ,you just need time. At first it's hard to go through the
day,then it get easier and easier .I know ,I know,it's very hard right
now ,don't loose hope ,don't let the other win .The best revenge is to
get on with your life and be happy . Big hug to you.:)

Elise

PS: sorry for the poor grammar ,I am not English.

Listen, sweetie, I was where you are and recognized that, whether or not
anyone else understood,  ending it all was a logical and rational choice
under the current, painful circumstances...problem with that thinking is that
circumstances change, maybe not quickly enough but they do. When you are
crumbling, you do not have the ability to reach down inside yourself and find
those coping skills that are in there...Lexapro, prescribed by my regular
doctor, on its own didnt help me either...when a psychiatrist prescribed
Wellbutrin along with it, I still hurt, I still cried, I still was weighted
down, but I started finding I could cope a little better...my divorce has
been a high conflict battle with two kids caught in the middle... and they
need me to be a positive role model in their lives.  Your kids need you too...
and you need to be there for them, maybe one day at a time, but you need to
get the medicine and the help to get through this...of course you cant sleep
or focus, your body is chemically reacting to the stress and you cant
function like you could before... just like you need antibiotics when an
infection messes with your equilibrium, you need the right medicine to help
you restore the chemical equilibrium that the stress is altering. Go to the
doctor, a psychiatrist if you can as they seem to know better how to combine
the medications in the best way for you. And you will start to heal...the
divorce may still suck, your financial situation may be real tough, the
courts may render unfair and absurd decisions...things all around you will be
a mess, but there you will be in the middle of the chaos, intact, dealing
with it all one day at at time...welcome people into your life you never let
in before, accept help from others where you may never have before. Love and
support will begin to come from unexpected places. When you get down and feel
isolated and alone,  read inspirational quotes or listen to songs you
listened to as a teen that spoke to you, inspired you...   or just connect
online with someone who has been there...what they would say to me is that
they went through what I am going through, and now they are happy, better
than before..and though I could not feel that would ever happen for me, I
trusted that it was possible, even if I could not envision it.  If I could
look you in the eyes to show you the genuineness of my words, you would see.
So every day, give yourself one more day, and get medical care and support...
the bad things will still be there, but you will deal withthem...and then one
day you will find the good things starting to outnumber the bad things.  Be
strong!

The truest statement ever made was "and it came to pass". Nothing in
our lives comes to stay. The way you are feeling now will not last
forever. You will survive it, the sun will come up, things will
evolve, and there will be joy again. Change IS the constant, so the
black never stays forever, no matter how bleak something is in the
short term.

My grandmother was a suicide back in 1953. She was 46 years old and
was depressed over my grandfather's behaviour towards my father (a
long story, but suffice it to say, my grandfather was a sod). Her
death still reverberates - the shock waves echoed for half a century.
It almost destroyed my father and his brother. Her intent was focussed
on relieving her own pain, which she couldn't see past, and her action
brought agony down on so many people. Your life is never entirely your
own. It belongs in part to the people who love us and need us and want
us. Her husband may not have been among those, but she was needed and
wanted and loved by so many.

It was a complete and entire waste. The situation would not have
stayed the same forever, so the misery she was in was destined to be
transitory by its very nature, and there were many other options. She
threw away all the might have beens her future held. She missed the
weddings of her sons, the births of seven grandchildren, all the
holidays, the gatherings, the graduations, half a lifetime of joys. I
should have grown up knowing her, loving her, learning from her. She
should have danced at my wedding. And it pains me that a healthy
intelligent, creative woman couldn't foresee that so much that was
wonderful was waiting for her beyond her crummy cruel selfish husband,
who ended up as his own worse enemy (what goes around usually comes
around, and in his case, it did in spades).

You CAN be alone. A good relationship is the cherry on the cake, its
not the cake itself. There are good things about life, things to
savour and celebrate, and find happiness in, even if you are not with
the person you were with, or hoped to be with.

Get yourself to a doctor right now, and get some help. You need help
to get through this, and come out the other side (which I know you
will!).

Mary