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Family Forum / Marriage / Divorce / November 2007Thanksgiving and My Ex
It's amazing how something as simple as preparing a holiday meal can be easily ruined by a passing thought of my disgusting exwife. Here I was, minding my own business. I pulled the turkey out of the sink, where is had been thawing for quite some time. I placed it on the counter top and began the task of cooking up some stuffing. After the stuffing was ready, I placed it on the counter next to the waiting turkey. There I was, faced with a predicament which had bestowed me many years before. I stood there with a large spoonful of stuffing. As I carefully began spooning in the breadish treat, I was immediately reminded of my ex. A gash this size, I had only seen once before. After completely filing the birdly beast, I was overwhelmed by the similarity this unfeathered creature had taken to my long gone but not unmeddling exwife. The lumps and texture were so much like the nightmares of the past. I couldn't help myself. I dropped my trousers, pulled out my chick. I had to know for sure. Was this bird that much like my ex? As I took several smooth strokes, unable to touch the sides, I realized, YES, this is EXACTLY what my ex was like. Quickly, I yanked up my slacks and ran to the closet. Out I pulled my trusty 357 and my golf clubs. I beat the stuffing out of that turkey, shot it twice and went on to enjoy my thanksgiving knowing that in my own special way, I had just gotten a little piece of revenge from my greedy c.nt EX. Wow... Okay - sorry but the thought of you bopping an ex wife that you dislike bugs me more than you the idea of you boinking a turkey. Why do you guys do this? WHY sleep with an ex that drives you totally nuts? Come on, it cannot be that difficult to find someone half way decent to be intimate with.... Guess I'll never understand it. Peace out and dude - think 'decaf'... deb ;) In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the oven frozen. She had no idea how long to thaw a turkey, how long to cook it, or at what temperature. When I explained to her that it doesn't work that way she threw the turkey, pan and all, right through the kitchen window. It rolled down the embankment in our back yard and was not salvageable because we could never be sure we had removed all of the embedded bits of glass. > In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw > a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the > oven frozen. She had no idea how long to thaw > a turkey, how long to cook it, or at what temperature. So rather than help her you forced her into a cold shower as punishment. > When I explained to her that it doesn't work that way she > threw the turkey, pan and all, right through the kitchen window. Of course you were standing in front of the kitchen window. > It rolled down the embankment in our back yard > and was not salvageable because we could never > be sure we had removed all of the embedded bits of glass. Glass? Where did you live? In the dumps? I did not know my ex-wife had a long lost sister! While my ex never threw stuff out a window, she did just about everything else. I do recall she got mad at me one time for listening to my stereo on the headphones. I was listening on headphones because she had been complaining that the music was too loud. So what happened next? She cut the cord to my headphones with a sharp knife while I was listening to music because I was not listning to HER. Then one day, not too much later, I was listening to one of my favorite records on my $1600 turntable. She wanted to say something to me, and I asked her to wait until the music was finished - perhaps 2 min tops. She went out to the shed, came back with an AXE, and proceed to DESTROY my turntable and the record that was on it. Ya know, we were only married a couple of years at that point. I should have just cut my losses (the turntable was never replaced, and is now irreplaceable). Why do we put up with such CRAP??? More correctly why DID I? No matter, I do not put up with such things now. My ex is ANCIENT HISTORY. Any anyone - no matter who - would behave in such a manner now would be physically ejected from my place of residence - never to be allowed to return. Trumpet Call, Better Days >In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw >a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >and was not salvageable because we could never >be sure we had removed all of the embedded bits of glass. > I was listening to one of my favorite records on my $1600 turntable. Or, as my daughter refers to mine, those plastic record things on that record turning thing. > In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw > a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > When I explained to her that it doesn't work that way she > threw the turkey, pan and all, right through the kitchen window. -- owie temper temper.. it was best you argued it - because if you would of eaten it, well not pretty. deb. I have it on good authority that on Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:59:17 -0800 >In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw >a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the >oven frozen. ACK! It *might* be possible to do in a microwave on defrost setting. However, I don't know of too many residential microwaves that can hold a great big turkey. > She had no idea how long to thaw >a turkey, how long to cook it, or at what temperature. I always thaw them for four days and cook for 15 minutes a pound at 400 degrees. I've done it this way twice a year for several years with no problems. >When I explained to her that it doesn't work that way she >threw the turkey, pan and all, right through the kitchen window. YIKES! >It rolled down the embankment in our back yard >and was not salvageable because we could never >be sure we had removed all of the embedded bits of glass. A waste of money, to be sure, but far safer than trying to eat it and learning a few shards were still in the bird.  SignatureKent When the world ends, there'll be no more air. That's why it's important to pollute the air now. Before it's too late. :) > I always thaw them for four days and cook for 15 minutes > a pound at 400 degrees. I've done it this way twice a year > for several years with no problems. I use calculators on www.butterball.com 's "Tools & Videos" page. >>In 1994 my bipolar ex-wife thought she could thaw >>a great big turkey in only an hour or put it in the [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > setting. However, I don't know of too many residential microwaves > that can hold a great big turkey. Micro a turkey? A sure way to turn a "Butterball" into a "RUBBERBALL!" |
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