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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2004xpost: coping w/becoming a SAHM?
Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings a week and one weekend day when DH can be home with the kids. I've worked full-time outside of the home since the children were born. We never discussed this when I was pregnant, because financially we could not afford for one of us to be a SAH parent. Plus with my last employer I was the one to carry health insurance on the family, ect. Well here we are, and I am not relishing the thought at all. :( I know that there are plenty of people out there that say there's no better thing than being at home with the kids...but quite honestly, I never wanted to be in that situation. Any others out there that have had a similar situation? Any advice would be appreciated. TIA Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 >Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the >last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >Any others out there that have had a similar situation? Any advice would be >appreciated. Hi Maria, Being a SAH parent isn't for everyone, and it sounds like the "no better thing than being home with the kids" line of thinking just isn't for you. Can you increase your hours at your part time job? Get an additional part time job to equate to the full time hours you were working? Can you get another full time job? Nan -- "when the sun goes down we'll be groovin' when the sun goes down we'll be feelin' alright, when the sun sinks down over the water everything gets hotter when the sun goes down" ~Kenny Chesney > >Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the > >last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > everything gets hotter when the sun goes down" > ~Kenny Chesney Nan, Thank you for the reply. Quite honestly DH and I came to the conclusion long ago that once the kids were in school he wanted to try to find something to do from home so that one of us could be here for them, ect. We had never planned on it being me, I quite honestly knew that I wasn't up to the challenge. I'm looking for an increase of hours where I work...but it doesn't seem to be panning out so far. I've been looking for work since the day after I lost my job, but I'm having a hard time finding something. We had to pull the kids out of daycare to save some $. They've been going since I lost my job, that way I could pick up extra hours at my PT job and also be able to go apply for jobs, go on interviews, ect. We just can't afford it any more and we're behind on all the rest of our bills. So that was a big one that we could eliminate, so here we are. :) Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 "Maria Danielle Darst" <mdarst@satx.rr.com> wrote> > I've worked full-time outside of the home since the children were born. We > never discussed this when I was pregnant, because financially we could not [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Any others out there that have had a similar situation? Any advice would be > appreciated. I always wanted to be home with the kids, but that doesn't mean that it isn't sometimes a very trying thing to do. However, there are some common coping mechanisms that stay-at-homes (whether by choice or by force) use, which include staying busy, getting regular breaks from the kids (e.g., getting an hour to yourself after dinner), and staying in touch with other adults (whether through mommy-and-me groups or by getting out with friends separate from the kids, while your DH has the kids). Your kids are at pretty fun ages, and I'm sure you love them to death. Can you try to think of this as a little vacation with them, since it's clear that you'll be going back to work asap? Set up a schedule, even just a loose one, such as: hang around the house in the early morning; do chores and errands before or after lunch, then do something fun every afternoon, whether that means going to the pool, going to a park (we go to playgrounds all over the area for variety), playing board games (you're lucky your kids are so close in age), or doing something "big" like going to a museum. It may seem counterintuitive, but try having their friends over for playdates. At 4 and 3, you will probably find (with the right friends; this may take some experimenting) that they go off and play, leaving you with a large block of "free time". Even without friends over, a 4 and a 3 YO should be able to play independently. Insist that they learn to. Is it summer where you are? if so, do you have a baby pool? If you fill that up and bring out some snacks and drinks, you could probably kick back with a book yourself while they amuse themselves for an hour or more. Do you have a decent public library nearby? My library is teeming with free kiddie activities, and it's also just a fun place to take kids your kids' ages because they will usually go off and look at books, and you can do the same (or bring your own). I have seen moms reading in the library while their kids play games on the library computers! If you're still unemployed in the fall, perhaps you could look into a church-run preschool? They're not usually very expensive (not nearly as expensive as daycare), and you could perhaps put them in, say, a 2 morning per week program to give yourself a break. Anyway, the point is to not let the days just come and go in an unorganized fashion. I find that very depressing. Dumb question, but if you don't really WANT to do it, why are you contemplating it? I don't think everyone is cut out for it - I stayed home for 8 or 9 months with each of my three, and that was enough, thanks. There are lots of ways to be a good mother, and a happy mom is a heck of a lot better than a miserable one who's doing something because she (or someone else) thinks she "should". I have a good friend who's a musician and writer, and she and her hubby got it into their heads that her being SAH full time AND homeschooling was the ideal. She was really trying to live up to her own ideal but she was completely unhappy, and it got worse with time - and things got so awful, she just about had a breakdown. Even her marriage was unravelling (she was depressed, they were fighting etc. etc.). It was very, very hard for her to admit that maybe this wasn't the healthiest route for her family and to give herself permission to try something else and not beat herself up over it. She went back to work part time, the kids were enrolled in a local school, and wow, things got 100% better. Being SAH just isn't for everyone. You have to do what works for your family based on the individuals and circumstances involved - there is no one size fits all. In the case of my friend, her hubbie was trying to recreate his own childhood - which was a mistake given that just you can't do that. We all of us are different people than our parents, our relationships are different, the cast and crew of family, friends and neighbours that surround us are different, its a different time, a different place. What worked for that group of people at that time and that place is NOT necessarily what will work for us. I know myself well enough to know SAH would not be a good choice for me. My mother was SAH due to the times she lived in (i.e. young wife and mother in the 50's and 60's when it was expected) and she was not particularly happy or, fulfilled by the role even though she was good at all things domestic - it just wasn't right for her, and her frustration, boredom, loneliness and dissatisfaction did impact the kids, no doubt about it. Mary G. Works full time outside the home, happy mom of three happy, healthy kids (13, 10 and 6). Sorry, I haven't really had time to reply to my thread, but let me try to address it. :) For the suggestions from previous posters, thank you. It just feels like all we are doing is just kind of hanging around the house. Mary, I like your post. So let me explain. :) I don't want to do it...but don't really have a choice at this time. I lost my job 3 months ago, I was denied my unemployment claim and we just don't have the financial reserves to keep them in daycare. I've been looking for a job since practically the day after I was fired, but nothing is panning out for me. So the bills are piling up and one of our biggest expenses was day care (fairly cheap daycare at that) and it could be cut so it had to go. I do work part-time a few days a week. Personally long ago DH and I decided that if it ever came to one of us staying at home with the kids, it would probably be him. I am too much of a workaholic type and I enjoy working outside of the home. It makes me feel like myself and I'm that much happier when I'm with the kids. I like the story about your friends. While every once in a while the maternal bug bites me and I think it would be great to homeschool the kids, stay at home...ect....well the reality of it is so much more harsh than idealized daydreaming. *lol* But it does take a pretty big person to admit that they aren't cut out for it. I don't really know what kind of home my DH grew up in. He was born in 1970, and knowing his mom and dad I would be that his mom was home with them....he tries to defend by saying that his mom and dad ran their own store starting when he was in h.s....my question is, what did she do up until that time? He looks at his Aunt and her hubby...she stays at home with their 2 boys (iirc, they are 14 and 11 or 12?), they go rv'ing across country in the summer time, ect. I wouldn't have a problem with that per se, but if he made the kind of money that his uncle does so we could do something like that then maybe it would be different. We can't afford for me to stay home, I know there are those out there that list off all the additional expenses of working outside the home, but to me they are worth it for my own sanity. So I don't know if he's trying to recreate some ideal that he thinks our kids should have, or quite what the deal is. I know that financially it was straining us and that like so many other things it seemed like a good idea at the time. He keeps saying that I can go back to school this way and finish up my degree. My counter arguement to this is, if we can't afford to put food on the table, we certainly are not going to be able to afford me going back to school. Thank you for the response Mary, Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 > Dumb question, but if you don't really WANT to do it, why are you > contemplating it? I don't think everyone is cut out for it - I stayed [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > Works full time outside the home, happy mom of three happy, healthy > kids (13, 10 and 6). > Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the > last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Kelly 2/19/00 > Kyle 7/9/01 I did not ever expect to be home full time, but we moved cross country when I was pregnant the second time (DH finished his degree, and that's where the job was) and I didn't want to look for a job that pregnant, so I figured that I'd look for a job after the baby was born. The baby turned out to be two babies, and daycare for infant twins and a 3 year old was more money than I could make -- so, like you, I ended up making a financial decision to stay home full time. I won't pretend it was easy. I don't think I was really prepared for the effect on my identity -- I had had a position of some responsiblity, and gots lots of strokes for doing a good job. Being a SAH mom -- well, you don't get the same kind of positive reinforcement. I mean, the hugs and kisses are nice, but it just isn't the same as another grownup telling you what you did well! Eventually, I got used to that. I ended up maintaining a fairly busy schedule -- classes for the kids, library time, play groups, etc. -- because otherwise I went nuts. The other thing that saved my sanity (and probably my marriage) was finding a community to be involved in (in my case, a church) -- a place where I could use some of the skills that I felt were atrophying in volunteer work, attend meetings where we talked about things other than our kids, and where DH and I were able to establish friendships with some of the same adults. In the end, I ended up working part time (like 10 hours a week) FOR the church while the kids were small, and now work 30 hours a week (different church -- DH's employment situation moved us again -- but the same job; an unexpected benefit was that I fell in love with the work). I've had spells of working more (generally temp jobs) in order to bring in more income, but I'm not sure I could handle a full time job now! (My kids are now 18 and 21, and all out of high school. One doesn't have her license yet, so she still depends on me for transportation, but parenting adults is a whole different ball game!)  SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care > Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the > last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > thing than being at home with the kids...but quite honestly, I never wanted > to be in that situation. Have you decided to make this arrangement permanent? Or is this just a stop-gap measure until you can find another job? I think the main thing to surviving being a SAHM, particularly if you're not temperamentally suited to it, is to get out as much as possible. Don't just hang around the house. It's a challenge to get out and meet other folks who are home most of the day, and it will likely take a while. You may also find that you don't resonate with the folks you meet right away. Some will get better with time, and in other cases you'll move on to find others who are more like-minded. Keep an open mind--you may find at first that all SAHPs seem alike, and not what you're used to in the way of companions. If you get to know them a bit better, you'll likely find that they have more to offer than you initially thought (though of course, some just won't pan out). In addition to finding friends to do things with (ideally with kids about the same age as yours), get out and do things on your own too. Find classes for the kids, go to a gym that has childcare, go to the park, etc. It will keep the kids occupied (they're probably not used to sitting around the house either) and give you an opportunity to meet others too. Try to get out of the house every single day. Best wishes, Ericka Ericka Kammerer wrote in <1YudnXW3aZftWZ7cRVn-uQ@comcast.com>: > the house. It's a challenge to get out and meet other folks > who are home most of the day, and it will likely take a while. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > that they have more to offer than you initially thought > (though of course, some just won't pan out). On a related note, if none of them seem to talk about the things that interest you, you can always introduce that topic of conversation. Certainly some of them may look at you as if you are nuts to be interested in it, but other times you may find it is a secret passion of theirs too. SignaturePenny Gaines UK mum to three > Have you decided to make this arrangement permanent? > Or is this just a stop-gap measure until you can find another [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > Best wishes, > Ericka Quite honestly, I don't feel like getting out of the house. It seems to be a massive effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. When I lost my job, pretty much all of the extras got cut out, like the gym membership. So basically if I'm going to get them out, then it needs to be something we can do for free. The kids aren't used to sitting around the house either, they are ususally with other kids or at the very least running errands with the babysitter. I don't think that this is going to be a permanent arrangement, we're just out of money for anything but the bills...so the daycare had to go. Thanks, Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the year, we decided that I should start staying home this fall while pregnant, instead of waiting until the baby comes. That sounded great in May, when I turned in my letter of intent. But now school starts next week, and I'm already bored. I don't really have any friends who don't work, at least during the school year, and while there are playgroups and activities for mommys with babies, there aren't exactly playgroups for fetuses! So, what kind of things can I do to keep myself from going insane during these next few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing for the baby? > Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals > and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing > for the baby? When I was home alone while pregnant with DD (and newly arrived in a new city, so I knew almost no one who stayed at home), I walked a lot (and met the neighbors that way), decorated the house, read a lot, visited the library, went to movies. Luckily, we live near DC so the museums are free - that was always good for day visits. My SIL who lives in NYC where museums are not free said she went to art galleries and parks. She also took pottery classes. I also started going to LLL because I wanted to know more about breastfeeding (hadn't really a clue except what other women told me). That opened up a social group for me. I don't know if you're taking any prenatal courses, but that's a way for pregnant women whose due date are close to meet (so in essence, a pre-playgroup for fetuses). Jeanne Bruce Bridgman and Jeanne Yang wrote in <V6qdnT0eDdv36ZjcRVn-gg@comcast.com>: [snip] > When I was home alone while pregnant with DD (and newly arrived in a new > city, so I knew almost no one who stayed at home), I walked a lot (and met > the neighbors that way), decorated the house, read a lot, visited the > library, went to movies. Luckily, we live near DC so the museums are free [snip] Oh yes, I remember reading lots of the classics: things like Wuthering Heights and The Adventures of Hucleberry Finn. SignaturePenny Gaines UK mum to three >Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals >and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >for the baby? Music? <s> -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits >Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals >and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >for the baby? Well, it's obvious - start a playgroup for fetuses ;-) Banty > So, what > kind of things can I do to keep myself from going insane during these next > few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing > for the baby? Usenet! >> So, what >> kind of things can I do to keep myself from going insane during these next >> few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >> for the baby? > >Usenet! Umm... she said she wanted to avoid stress ;-) Nick SignatureNick Theodorakis nick_theodorakis@hotmail.com contact form: http://theodorakis.net/contact.html Donna Metler wrote in <HycNc.44436$Yw3.28168@bignews3.bellsouth.net>: > Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for > prenatals and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > from going insane during these next few months, when I'm supposed to be > resting, avoiding stress, and preparing for the baby? You could always try going along to some of them anyway. Or going to some La Leche League meetings or something like that. SignaturePenny Gaines UK mum to three >Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals >and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >for the baby? REad, watch, videos. Are you allowed to walk? Go to the bookstore, have whatever your allowed to drink and read. Pick up a hobby that one can do sitting down, quilting, needlepoint, whatever. pick some thing new to learn about and then begin it - buy the supplies and start. I love my job but can you tell that the list of things I want to do is endless? >Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals >and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >for the baby? That's tougher. Do you have a hobby? I ended up spending a lot of time when I was pregnant with my first in the library doing genealogy research. If you knit or sew or have other creative skills, there are obvious baby-related projects on which you could embark. Or you could do something totally non-baby-related just for a change. You could also sign up to do substitute teaching to keep you in touch with your teaching friends and give you something to do without it being a long-term commitment. As far as getting out and meeting other new moms-to-be, perhaps you could take a prenatal exercise class, or attend a LLL meeting, or take other classes intended for moms-to-be. your situation. Check with the hospital where you will be delivering to see what they offer. Try an infant/child CPR class if you are not already certified. And do relax, pamper yourself, and enjoy your pregnancy. Congrats on the pregnancy, and good luck with everything. --Robyn >>Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals >>and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >>few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing >>for the baby? I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you brought it back up. I wonder though - it's still July - what school is starting this week? If you can do it and still avoid stress, I'd volunteer at your former school, or at another one if you don't want to go there. Or if not there, at a nursing home (to play for them maybe) or at some other charity. There are all kinds of volunteer opportunities as long as you can be definite enough to make it clear what you will and will not do and what your time limits are. You might also teach individual students. Or write music or start writing a novel. I spent my time before my first baby reading, swimming (I was in Key West part of the time), and walking around the neighborhood. There were SAHMs in my neighborhood with little children who couldn't get out and were glad to have someone to talk to occasionally. You can also take classes - not just pre-natal classes, but adult education (isn't there anything that you'd like to learn and have never had time for? photography, Spanish, watercolors?), and Red Cross (CPR, First Aid, Home Nursing). The hospital may also have classes or you may be able to take classes at the local community college during the day. >That's tougher. Do you have a hobby? I ended up spending a lot of >time when I was pregnant with my first in the library doing genealogy [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >with your teaching friends and give you something to do without it being >a long-term commitment. Having been a substitute teacher, I can testify that it is incredibly stressful. >As far as getting out and meeting other new moms-to-be, perhaps you >could take a prenatal exercise class, or attend a LLL meeting, or take [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > >--Robyn grandma Rosalie > >>Kind of on the same note-rather than having to miss regularly for prenatals > >>and have my students have to adjust to a new teacher halfway through the [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > I wonder though - it's still July - what school is starting this week? Memphis, TN-teachers go back August 2nd (some went back July 26, depending on the school-all teachers teaching new curriculum or subjects, all first year teachers, etc), kids go back August 9. Ridiculous, no? Especially as hideously HOT as it is here in August, and as badly air conditioned as many of the schools are. As things turn out, I have three different groups of people coming through Memphis in the next month or so, which should nicely take care of the first part of boredom. My OB isn't thrilled with my trying to volunteer or substitute because I am very high risk for PE again (since I developed HELLP at 22 weeks last time), and therefore stress is a major concern. So I guess I'll look around in a few weeks when everyone leaves and the dust clears and figure out what I'm doing then. Thanks for the suggestions, and any more would be welcomed. > I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you brought it > back up. > > I wonder though - it's still July - what school is starting this week? Not July but my daughter goes back in one week from today. >>I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you brought it >>back up. >> >>I wonder though - it's still July - what school is starting this week? > > Not July but my daughter goes back in one week from today. I heard yesterday that teachers go back next Monday, 8/2, at the elementary school. We have sixth grade open house (!) on the 3rd, and school starts on the 10th. I am so not ready. Lesley >>> I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you brought it >>> back up. [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Lesley Here in Madison (WI), we go back on 1 September, which is too late, IMO (School doesn't end 'til the end of the 2nd week in June -- way too late! Nothing ever gets done after Memorial Day in school). The school year here made a lot more sense before the State Legislature decided it knew better than local communities when to start classes, and instituted a state-wide ban on classes starting before Labor Day (which Madison is getting around this year, when Labor Day is the 6th). I was shocked to see at the local Sentry a notice that their end-of-Summer Bratfest was in only 37 days! Waah! Summer just started and now it's almost over :( Scott DD 11 and DS 8 >The school year here made a lot more sense before the State >Legislature decided it knew better than local communities >when to start classes, and instituted a state-wide ban on >classes starting before Labor Day (which Madison is getting >around this year, when Labor Day is the 6th). We do go back after Labor Day, so Sept. 7th this year! Most of the other local schools go back the week before that. We generally get out in mid-June. That school year actually does make sense around here (New England) so I have no complaints. --Robyn > We do go back after Labor Day, so Sept. 7th this year! Most of the > other local schools go back the week before that. We generally get out > in mid-June. Same here, so we still have all of August to get through! We're still hanging in there, though I long for the routine (but not the work!) of the school year. The boys will do at least two more weeks of dance camp, though, so that will help. Best wishes, Ericka Our state (NC) just passed a law that school can't start any earlier than August 25th starting next year, I think (too late for this year). The tourism industry here (beach and mountain communities) claimed they were losing lots of money because of the shortened summer season. This year it starts August 10th, it seems to have been creeping back more and more as they add more teacher workdays (I think there are 20+ in our district). I think the 8/25 minimum starting date only affects "traditional calendar" schools, not the year-round. Leigh > >>> I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you brought it > >>> back up. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Scott DD 11 and DS 8 > Our state (NC) just passed a law that school can't start any earlier than > August 25th starting next year, I think (too late for this year). The [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Leigh I think it will go into effect next year. So next summer is going to be endless, getting out the end of May and not going back until after 8/25. Watch, that'll be the year my girls stop keeping each other amused so well. :-( But I broke out the calendar the other day and counted weeks; with the new schedule, June 10 to Aug. 25, the summer break will only be a handful of days longer - 3 to 5. So summer won't really be longer, just different. And we go to the beach in June, so the tourism folks won't be seeing any more of our money. Lesley > Our state (NC) just passed a law that school can't start any earlier than > August 25th starting next year, I think (too late for this year). The > tourism industry here (beach and mountain communities) claimed they were > losing lots of money because of the shortened summer season. Ahh they did pass that? I wondered if they would or not. Ugh what a pain. > This year it starts August 10th, it seems to have been creeping back more > and more as they add more teacher workdays (I think there are 20+ in our > district). I think the 8/25 minimum starting date only affects > "traditional calendar" schools, not the year-round. > > Leigh >>Our state (NC) just passed a law that school can't start any earlier than >>August 25th starting next year, I think (too late for this year). The >>tourism industry here (beach and mountain communities) claimed they were >>losing lots of money because of the shortened summer season. > > Ahh they did pass that? I wondered if they would or not. Ugh what a pain. Yes, this is the reason behind Wisconsin's law as well -- which was passed about 4 years ago. Thankfully, for the first couple years, there were old teacher contracts that spelled out the school year, but that's not happening now. Of course, since the bill's passage, the Dells (which was more than anywhere else the business community behind it) has expanded to a much more year-round operation, what with all the indoor waterparks, and they've imported workers from overseas. Sorta like reverse-offshoring :) So I'm not sure the 'we can't get summertime help' argument hold as much water now as it did. Scott > >>Our state (NC) just passed a law that school can't start any earlier than > >>August 25th starting next year, I think (too late for this year). The [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Scott Growing up in Wisconsin and Minnesota, many of us relied on summer jobs that were Memorial Day to Labor day -- and, way back when I was a kid, that's when school was out. From my perspective, it wasn't so much about losing trade because people weren't coming, as about needing the teens to be available to work during the summer -- and, as a teen, needing the summer job so I could save up for college. I LIKED having June, July and August off -- I wish my kids had that. Instead, both here (California) and in Massachusetts, they've gone well into June -- one year until July 1 -- and started as early as mid-August. SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care >>> I couldn't find this post to comment on it so I'm glad you >>> brought it back up. [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > I am so not ready. We start August 23rd, which seems very early to me. I think by the time that date arrives, I will be ready, though! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7) This week's suggested Bush/Cheney campaign bumper sticker: "Leave no child a dime." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman "Circe" <guavaln@yahoo.com> wrote in message > We start August 23rd, which seems very early to me. I think by the time >that date arrives, I will be ready, though! Our school starts Aug 28. They got out on June 13 this year. I really wish they could start after Labor Day. It seems so silly to start before the holiday. I'm not sure if I am ready or not. I have a middle schooler starting and I am not looking forward to that. SignatureSue (mom to three girls) > Our school starts Aug 28. They got out on June 13 this year. I really wish > they could start after Labor Day. It seems so silly to start before the > holiday. I'm not sure if I am ready or not. I have a middle schooler > starting and I am not looking forward to that. Our school system starts back on August 16. The trend toward an earlier start is driven mostly by the high school curriculum. In the old days, when school didn't start until Labor day, they came back from Christmas vacation and had to turn in term papers and take exams. By starting in mid-August, the first semester can finish around the same time as the winter holiday vacation. I wish they had year-round school here, so that we could have vacations at various seasons of the year. Colleen Kay Porter > > Our school starts Aug 28. They got out on June 13 this year. I really wish > > they could start after Labor Day. It seems so silly to start before the [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Colleen Kay Porter You can. There is usualy a 1 week break (at least in WI) In November, December, February and April Then you have all summer so the only season you would not get a full 1 week vacation out of is Fall.. Fall isnt really all that exciting;) Tori > "Colleen Kay Porter" <ckpsdp@cox.net> wrote in message >>I wish they had year-round school here, so that we could have vacations at >>various seasons of the year. [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > would not get a full 1 week vacation out of is Fall.. Fall isnt really all > that exciting;) That's far from true for everybody. We have winter break in December and spring break in March or April. Nothing else amounts to more than a long (3-4) day weekend. And fall is one of my favorite times to travel. Best wishes, Ericka "Rosalie B." <gmbeasley@mindspring.com> wrote > I wonder though - it's still July - what school is starting this week? We have several year-round schools here that only take 3 1/2 weeks for summer vacation. They started on Tuesday. Luckily, we are on a different track this year, so we don't start until August 17th, but we will still go until July 1st next year. ~ Sher > But now school starts next week, and I'm > already bored. I don't really have any friends who don't work, at least [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > few months, when I'm supposed to be resting, avoiding stress, and preparing > for the baby? Well, you could prepare for the baby :-) Head off to prenatal and breastfeeding classes, buy whatever you need to, and do any little projects you want to around the house. Read a few good child care books to get an idea of what a baby is like, because when your baby develops a strange cough it is good to be able to think, "Wait a minute, isn't that croup?" rather than reading a whole chapter on illnesses in the middle of the night. In the last trimester, start bulk cooking and freezing meals You could also declutter your house (plug for flylady.net!) and put your photos in albums, those sorts of things. What other interests do you have? IME churches and other community organisations always have jobs that need doing, even if you will have to restrict yourself to sedentary/low-stress options. Then there's music -- listening to it, playing it, going to concerts, etc. Do you compose? How about writing a lullaby for your baby? Or a symphony? The sky is the limit with creative pursuits. I don't sew, but i know plenty of people who have done embroidery or cross-stitch for their baby's room. Creative writing, painting -- indulge yourself. But do start loooking for a peer group. Your antenatal class is one place to meet people. How about women from the support group when you lost Brian? SignatureChookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Life is like a cigarette -- smoke it to the butt." -- Harvie Krumpet >When I lost my job, pretty much all of the extras got cut out, like the gym >membership. So basically if I'm going to get them out, then it needs to be >something we can do for free. The kids aren't used to sitting around the >house either, they are ususally with other kids or at the very least running >errands with the babysitter. You need to find things you can do for free or at least very inexpensively. Note here, much will depend on where you live and what you and they enjoy, but there are plenty of things you can do. Make a list of the activities you all enjoy. Do you like to bike, to hike, to swim, to collect things, to do crafts, to make music, etc. Then think outside the box and be creative. How can you do these things without spending much money. If you enjoy hiking, take a homemade picnic lunch and get out and walk. If you like biking, get everyone on their bikes perhaps taking a picnic lunch with you as well. If you enjoy music, think of ways to make music rather than listen to it: sing, play harmonicas or make your own instruments. Go to the library and get books that tell you how to make them from recycled materials. You can do the same with arts and crafts too. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits >>When I lost my job, pretty much all of the extras got cut out, like the gym >>membership. So basically if I'm going to get them out, then it needs to be >>something we can do for free. The kids aren't used to sitting around the >>house either, they are ususally with other kids or at the very least running >>errands with the babysitter. Okay This is all with the caveat that I dont remember your kids ages. NOt all these things are "getting out" Some are doing for kids and some are for you. MOst are right now "summer things" I used to do family day care and kids programs for counties that had no disposable income, so I will be back with more. Take the kids to the park, pack an picnic sit on the grass, and watch them play. Go to the mall (I know.) walk up and down all the floors. Take the kids to the pet shop if there is one, into the bookstore. Malls have regular activities like music groups, kids things and the like. Look for a Zaney Brainy (are they still around??) Kind of place. They used to host craft, reading and video stuff for free. I dont remember how old your kids are. Libraries generally have reading and activitiy groups for kids starting at age two or so. Go for a walk in a different direction or to a different place daily Make a list of things in your neighborhood that you would like to see explore (every neighborhood has some things) See if there are any at home or home for the summer moms that would like to start a playgroup or a babysitting coop or a mothers group. Dont just assume that because you have been working and that they are at home you have nothing in common. And/or Find where the other parents take their kids, and you will probably meet parents there. Make your husband stay home at least one evening and have that be your time. Go to a study group, fre lecture, homemakers group. Start a hobby or start to learn something you have always wanted to (this isnt a get out of the house thing but.). Make a small investment and start. Take a barnes and noble or other free course online. Start writing a historyu of your families for when your kids grow up. Our childrens children should be a good book and should be in the library. To do with the kids: Make homeade playdough, take it outside or put down paper and get really really really messy. puyt out the sprinkler and have a back yard party. Start teaching them to sew, knit or whatever, I taught my kids the beginning in preschool. Rearrange the kids rooms and see what you can do without spending any money to create a new look. Do the same for other areas of the house. I live in Washington DC where all the museums and so on are free or nominal. Surely where you live there must be either free days or something like that, and if so they are usually in the summer. Ill be back........ Barb Also-Michaels and Hobby Lobby have free and cheap craft classes for kids-usually you just pay for materials, and sometimes not even that-so if your kids are old enough, it might be fun. I remember one summer when we were away from home because my dad was doing an REU out of town. I think we attended 4 VBS's that year! > Quite honestly, I don't feel like getting out of the house. It seems to be a > massive effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. I understand you don't feel like it, but truly, you'll feel better once you start going out most days. You don't have to go to something that costs money. Even just going to the park or visiting friends makes a huge difference. You can go to the library or look for other free events in your community. Best wishes, Ericka > > Have you decided to make this arrangement permanent? > > Or is this just a stop-gap measure until you can find another [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > Quite honestly, I don't feel like getting out of the house. It seems to be a > massive effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. BTDT. It could well be clinical depression. In which case you may have to FORCE yourself to get out of the house, and get active. I know how hard it is -- really! -- but you will feel better if you do. And there are free things to do in every community, even it it's just hanging out at the park -- but chances are good the local library had story time for the kids, and you may well be able to find formal play groups if you look around. Good luck. I hope you are able to find a decent outside job again real soon. SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care >BTDT. It could well be clinical depression. > >In which case you may have to FORCE yourself to get out of the house, >and get active. In my opinion, don't stop there. Getting out and about is a good recommendation. But if that doesn't help, or it doesn't help enough, please see a doctor. A good place to start is with your GP, who will probably schedule you for a physical. And from there, see what happens. Depression is treatable. beeswing > > Have you decided to make this arrangement permanent? > > Or is this just a stop-gap measure until you can find another [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Quite honestly, I don't feel like getting out of the house. It seems to be a > massive effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. It sounds like maybe you're a bit depressed. That's not surprising, given that you've recently lost your job and income! You *really* need to try pushing yourself out and getting some pleasure. If you truly cannot do it, then I hope you will consider seeking professional help. > When I lost my job, pretty much all of the extras got cut out, like the gym > membership. So basically if I'm going to get them out, then it needs to be > something we can do for free. The kids aren't used to sitting around the > house either, they are ususally with other kids or at the very least running > errands with the babysitter. It can be tough to find free things to do, but it's possible. Remember the library, parks and playgrounds, friends, the backyard! What did you used to enjoy doing with the kids on the weekends? Can you afford to do just one thing that requires money per week? Some museums and centers have free days or hours or days when you can make a "donation" of your choice. Call around. I bet, also, that your 3 YO would be free in a number of places. You can also add stucture to your day without just going out (but you still need to leave the house at least once a day -- how can you help it?). How about picking a topic to learn about each week? This week could be whales. Go to the library and get out books about whales and a movie about whales. Next week it could be China. Get library books, watch Mulan, then end the week with a home-made Chinese meal if you can't afford to splurge on takeout. Or whatever! You need structure and something to think about and to find a way to have fun with the kids. It isn't their fault you lost your job. (And while you're at the library, set them up with a few books and do some job-hunting research.) > I don't think that this is going to be a permanent arrangement, we're just > out of money for anything but the bills...so the daycare had to go. Sure, and anyway, wouldn't it feel strange to send the kids into daycare while you were at home, not working? Good luck. >It can be tough to find free things to do, but it's possible. Remember the >library, parks and playgrounds, friends, the backyard! What did you used to >enjoy doing with the kids on the weekends? Can you afford to do just one >thing that requires money per week? Some museums and centers have free days >or hours or days when you can make a "donation" of your choice. Call around. >I bet, also, that your 3 YO would be free in a number of places. A lot of libraries have free passes available for local attractions as well. Check with your local children's librarians -- they should be able to point you to free or very inexpensive activities you can do with the kids. Our library's children's room is stocked with toys and activities that are rotated every month around a new theme -- when my now 8yo was 3 and we were new in town, we used to spend almost every morning playing there. We met lots of other families with kids his age that way too. Good luck! --Robyn > >It can be tough to find free things to do, but it's possible. Remember the > >library, parks and playgrounds, friends, the backyard! What did you used to [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > 3 and we were new in town, we used to spend almost every morning playing > there. We met lots of other families with kids his age that way too. There's a theater in our area with free movies for the summer at 10am on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. You could check here to see if they have them in your area http://www.regalcinemas.com/family_film/ Be aware, the theater in my area that has it is not listed in that website, so you may try just checking with your local chain to see if they do it. > There's a theater in our area with free movies for the summer at 10am on > Tuesdays and Wednesdays. You could check here to see if they have them in > your area http://www.regalcinemas.com/family_film/ Be aware, the theater in > my area that has it is not listed in that website, so you may try just > checking with your local chain to see if they do it. Cool, it lists a theater near me. I doubt Ollie would last more than three or four minutes, but maybe we'll give it a try. SignatureSara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle <<snip, snip, snip>> > There's a theater in our area with free movies for the summer at 10am on > Tuesdays and Wednesdays. You could check here to see if they have them in > your area http://www.regalcinemas.com/family_film/ Be aware, the theater in > my area that has it is not listed in that website, so you may try just > checking with your local chain to see if they do it. I took the kids to one of those this past Wednesday....they were showing Muppets Take Manhattan.....they lasted about an hour or so then we had to leave. Thanks for the good suggestions.....I live in San Antonio, TX....there's plenty to do around here...just having to try to weasel out the free/super cheap stuff right now. :) Thank you, Maria Kelly 2/19/00 Kyle 7/9/01 > Quite honestly, I don't feel like getting out of the house. It seems to be a > massive effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. You've probably been told already, but this is a warning sign for clinical depression. You may not be able to afford professional evaluation for this right now (I don't know your situation wiht health insurance), but getting out and getting some exercise can be a big help in cases of mild depression. > When I lost my job, pretty much all of the extras got cut out, like the gym > membership. So basically if I'm going to get them out, then it needs to be > something we can do for free. The kids aren't used to sitting around the > house either, they are ususally with other kids or at the very least running > errands with the babysitter. Going to parks and libraries is free. Taking long walks in the neighborhood to look at plants or architecture is free. Getting a bike or bike + trailer-bike is not free, but is pretty cheap and can save a lot if you get rid of a car in the process. A gym is not needed for moderate exercise---a pair of comfortable shoes is all you need for walking, and a bike is a lot cheaper than a membership in a gym. Don't stay in bed or sit in front of a TV feeling miserable, but stay active. Doing anything is better than doing nothing. SignatureKevin Karplus karplus@soe.ucsc.edu http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics Affiliations for identification only. I am opposite because I was miserable at work once I had my first dd. I did start a business with flexible hours that I do from home cause I do like to work. That right there is one thing you could do. For sanity's sake I agree with the rest, you've got to get out of the house at least every other day, and preferably every day. We go to several different parks. One is a small lake for swimming, another has ducks and geese to feed, and the last has play equipement. We also belong to a play group. We go to a local mall with a playground inside it, we go to mcdonalds playland and chuck e cheese, and we go to the library. It's actually pretty cool. It's like summer vacation when I was a kid going to all these fun places all the time. It's also less expensive to shop at many different stores by knowing which stores have the lowest prices for which things, so we go to at least 1 store every time we leave the house. And there is the bank and the post office to go to as well. We also sometimes just take drives around to explore. It is soo much easier if you get out alot. KC > Hi out there...my name is Maria. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 3. With in the > last few months I have lost my job and am only working part time 2 evenings [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Kelly 2/19/00 > Kyle 7/9/01 |
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