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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / October 2008DD wants her "boyfriend" at her birthday party
I hadn't expected to deal with this for a few years yet, but my almost 4 yr old decided on a Fairy princess themed birthday party, which we're having off site at a place which does dress up tea parties. Since she only has a handful of girls in her class, we'd planned on inviting the girls and a few close friends, most of whom are a little older than DD. However, now that we're about a month out and sending actual invitations, she's told me that she wants a specific little boy in her class at her party as well because "He's my boyfriend, and he'd be sad if he wasn't invited". This little sweetheart is the youngest child in the class (just turned 3 right at the end of September, in a class where the kids had to be 3 by October 1), and for whatever reason, latched on to DD at the beginning of the year. Their teacher comments that DD's basically his big sister-she often "translates" for him, helps him with his backpack and coat, plays with him, and just plain runs interference with him since he's a little lost with the rest of the preschoolers, and often "teaches" him and walks him through the centers and basic academic stuff (which is also working well for keeping DD busy-so far, having a child who tests on a high 2nd grade level on academics in the preschool classroom hasn't been a problem at all-in part because of this peer relationship which has developed). We've had a few playdates outside of preschool, since his grandmother has him in the afternoons and she doesn't live very far away from us, and it's the same thing. So, I guess it makes sense that she wouldn't want to leave him out, but I kind of wish she'd picked a less stereotypically girly party. I just have a hard time picturing this little guy who loves trucks and farm machinery in a room painted to look like Barbie's dream castle made little girl sized, where the main entertainment planned is dressing up in the large collection of princess costumes, making magic wands and tiaras, and taking pictures of the "princesses" dressed up, followed by "tea" and cookies! Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy in a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 1/2 to 5? I've already warned grandma that the guest list is 8 little girls (including DD), plus her grandson. > I hadn't expected to deal with this for a few years yet, but my almost 4 yr > old decided on a Fairy princess themed birthday party, which we're having [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > 5? I've already warned grandma that the guest list is 8 little girls > (including DD), plus her grandson. You could give him a toy sword and have him be the "prince". When my son was almost three we went to a Princess Tea Party at Disney World (mostly for my 5 year old daughter.) He was happy to get a toy sword and didn't really notice the other girls dressed up like princesses. (Though, the adult princesses made him turn a little red when they came by our table and tried to get him in the pictures.) Renee > Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy in > a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 1/2 to > 5? I've already warned grandma that the guest list is 8 little girls > (including DD), plus her grandson. The little boys at "fairy princess" dance camp have a blast with a cape and a sword, and don't seem to mind being surrounded by girls. Maybe have a crown he can decorate, and take a picture of him in a heroic "dragon slaying" pose. Tea and cookies shouldn't be a problem. Boys like tea too ;-) Best wishes, Ericka >> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy >> in a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > slaying" pose. Tea and cookies shouldn't be a problem. > Boys like tea too ;-) Thanks! I'm sure we can come up with a cape and a sword (maybe a cardboard sword and crown to decorate?). We also have some good sized stuffed dragons around here that could come in as decorations (and victims). For that matter, DD enjoys slaying dragons, too ;). >>> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy >>> in a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > around here that could come in as decorations (and victims). For that > matter, DD enjoys slaying dragons, too ;). You may need to have a stash of capes and swords ;-) Sometimes it seems to work out that the girls understand that the boy gets special treatment because he's the only boy in the room, and they don't clamor for his sword and cape. Sometimes a bunch of girls decide they'd rather have swords than tutus. At the dance school, the "boy stuff" is reserved for the boys and they make a big fuss over it in order to make the boys feel special there, and the girls don't seem to mind at all, but I don't know that it would be the same dynamic at a party ;-) Best wishes, Ericka > >>> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy > >>> in a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > boy in the room, and they don't clamor for his sword and > cape. You know, even if it 'seems to work out' in the sense of everyone being happy at the time, is that really the message we want to be giving our kids?? That the default position for little girls is to dress up as fairy princesses unless they specifically ask for different arrangements to be made, while boys automatically get cast as dragon-slaying heroes just because they're boys? Not wanting to be all heavy-feminist here or anything, but I'd be pretty bothered if I found out my kids had been to a party run along those lines. Why not quit the assumptions about what gender will want what, make it a general Fairyland theme with a selection of costumes, and let all the kids decide for themselves whether they want to be fairy princesses or dragonslayers or maybe even something totally different like witches or wizards or whatever? And, yes, I'm guessing that if you did that most of the girls would opt for the fairy princess option - but there's a BIG difference between choosing a role in the knowledge that you could just as well have chosen a different one, and being given the message that this is what you're 'supposed' to want. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com >>>>> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy >>>>> in a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > all heavy-feminist here or anything, but I'd be pretty bothered if I > found out my kids had been to a party run along those lines. In dance? Sure, because unless they join the Trocs, the boys are going to be dancing the Cavaliers and the girls are going to be dancing the Princesses. Goodness knows the dance world is typically pretty tolerant of people not fitting the usual gender stereotypes as individuals, but they expect even the gay guys to dance a manly Cavalier. At home, sure, have a selection and let the kids choose (which is why I suggested having more than one cape and sword available, if possible). Just pointing out that it's different at dance, and it doesn't seem to faze most of the kids, so if it's an economic hardship to procure more than one boyish set of items for the one boy at the party, I don't think it's the end of the earth to have one set and let the boy have the first crack at it. Best wishes, Ericka >>>>>> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old >>>>>> boy [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > end of the earth to have one set and let the boy have > the first crack at it. And, in this case, the costumes are supplied by the party venue, which is very definitely catering towards little girls princess/ballerina/fairy and so on. If they HAVE knights, wizards,and so on already there, sure, it's great to put them out and let the kids choose, but if they don't and I'm looking at trying to improvise something, I'm not going to be able to match the costume closet already present. If DD had decided a month ago that she wanted to invite this little guy to her party, instead of having a list of all girls, I wouldn't have considered the princess dress up tea party as an option-but as of the time we booked a party venue, her guest list was all girls, and, darn it, she wanted fairies! > And, in this case, the costumes are supplied by the party venue, which is > very definitely catering towards little girls princess/ballerina/fairy and > so on. If they HAVE knights, wizards,and so on already there, sure, it's > great to put them out and let the kids choose, but if they don't and I'm > looking at trying to improvise something, I'm not going to be able to > match the costume closet already present. A party venue would surely have experience with this issue. Just ask them what options they have available. I would find it incredibly poor business practice to not have anything in place for this very foreseeable scenario. I really wouldn't worry about it, just invite him and cross your fingers, DS has been to slightly girly parties and boyish parties where the guests were fairly mixed, so I really wouldn't worry. You might try adapting the craft a bit, so he'd make a crown instead of a tiara and see if they have any prince dressing up things rather than princess! Cheers Anne >Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy in >a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 1/2 to >5? I've already warned grandma that the guest list is 8 little girls >(including DD), plus her grandson. Invite the boy. He's her friend and she wants him there. He'll be fine. Banty > Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy in > a party where the rest of the participants are girls ranging from 3 1/2 to > 5? I've already warned grandma that the guest list is 8 little girls > (including DD), plus her grandson. He sounds so cute! At three, he might enjoy dressing up in a fairy costume anyway, but if he is already convinced that it's too girly, he can always dress up as something else. It won't destroy the party to have Superman present, or a little pirate or Peter Pan or knight or magician. The party place will have something in mind; I am sure they get quite a few fairy princesses with male friends and relatives. The little boy's family will probably ring you to discuss costuming, and you could invite his Mum as well, if you are concerned he won't cope. In terms of party mechanics, so to speak, I doubt he will require much more supervision than the rest of them. None of them understand party game rules well, some of them will cry if they don't get a prize, and most of them will spill food and drink on themselves. Which is why you are going to Fairy B Cheese, right? ;-)  SignatureChookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/ >> Anyway, does anyone have suggestions for including a barely 3 yr old boy >> in [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > spill food and drink on themselves. Which is why you are going to Fairy B > Cheese, right? ;-) Not so much spills (our carpet really needs replaced anyway-it was ancient when we bought the house, and a young child hasn't helped it much), as that there's just plain no indoor area big enough for 8-9 kids, plus probably at least a few parents (not to mention that my parents will be here for Thanksgiving, so we'll have 4 adults here alone) and maybe a sibling or two. Taking it off site seemed like a good idea, and the dress up party seemed like about the most preschool-girl friendly option available, since "Dress up" (either themselves, dolls, or stuffed animals) is probably the favorite game to play anyway. And I must say, I'm just as glad someone ELSE gets to deal with the aftermath of princess crafts ;). Glitter and sparkles and glue, Oh my! |
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