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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2004baby shower questions
My mother is planning a shower for me. She was originally going to have it at her home, but she is a dog breeder, and, well to be honest, her entire house is filled with small dogs and the smell that goes along with lots and lots of dogs. I explained that I would feel more comfortable having it somewhere else in case people had allergies etc. She said that's fine- but I don't want her to have to spend money renting out a restaurant etc. so I suggested doing it at my and DH's home - is this a breach of etiquette? My mother is throwing the shower, just at our house..... Next question - does anyone have any fun shower ideas (not games, more like party design, recipes etc.) that I could pass on to her? We know that it will be both men and women guests, and we are older parents and know most of our friends won't enjoy the games thing... although I will suggest to my mother that if things get boring she can start a game of baby pictionary or something... Things we have already talked about - my husband is English, so my mother thought it would be fun to have an afternoon tea, with scones, tea etc and then other finger foods like sandwiches etc. We also live in California, and it will be very hot here when she's planning it-(August) so we will have mostly cold foods I think- anyone have any fun ideas that I can pass on to her? thanks in advance- > Next question - does anyone have any fun shower ideas (not games, more > like party design, recipes etc.) that I could pass on to her? We know > that it will be both men and women guests, and we are older parents > and know most of our friends won't enjoy the games thing... although I > will suggest to my mother that if things get boring she can start a > game of baby pictionary or something... Only thing I have to add is if you actually want men to show up, don't call it a baby shower. I'm 100% serious, if a guy hears "baby shower" it's an automatic "I'm not going", then the wife or girlfriend has to turn it into an argument. We're having a poker game for the guys at our "baby shower". > > Next question - does anyone have any fun shower ideas (not games, more > > like party design, recipes etc.) that I could pass on to her? We know [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > automatic "I'm not going", then the wife or girlfriend has to turn it into > an argument. We're having a poker game for the guys at our "baby shower". That's interesting. Many years ago, DH and his friends used to have baby showers for each other -- but they did it as a pub crawl. We lived in Madison, Wisconsin at the time, and they'd start at one end of State Street, and stop at each pub for a drink. At every pub, the "guest of honor" would unwrap one gift -- and he had to carry all that he had unwrapped. Apparently, this was quite good entertainment. For those of you who know Madison, you know that they couldn't possibly do ALL of State Street pubs in one night! (They always had a couple of us to pick them up at the end of the evening.) I don't think DH would have any problem attending a shower for both sexes, but he's pretty open to lots of things.  SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care > In article <W%eJc.620$oD5.312@nwrdny03.gnilink.net>, > For those of you who know Madison, you know that they couldn't possibly > do ALL of State Street pubs in one night! I'd say not; that'd be a feat even for the hard-core binge drinkers. ;) Did the baby shower guest of honor make it home with all of his gifts? I'm picturing an odd trail of baby items running right from the university to the capitol. ;) We did a similar crawl for my sister's (co-ed) bachlorette party. Fun, fun, fun! Where in Madison did you live? Were you students here? -Michelle > > In article <W%eJc.620$oD5.312@nwrdny03.gnilink.net>, > > For those of you who know Madison, you know that they couldn't possibly [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > -Michelle I moved there after college, because I wanted to live there, but then ended up in graduate school. DH moved there for graduate school. We met when he moved into the coop I was living in (Henry and Gilman) then helped form another coop a few blocks away. At some point, I didn't want to live communally any more, and we moved out to the end of town (Post Road -- I don't remember any more, but I don't think we were actually IN Madison) then, when our daughter was born, to a different apartment on the edge of town. We left there19 years ago. As far as I know, the gifts always made it home with the guest of honor. I never did a pub crawl, though when I was in graduate school, the single female professor in the business school and a few of us "older" female students would go out after the last final each semester and tie one on . . . Since leaving Madison, I've lived in Massachusetts and California. Though I don't know people still living there, I still miss Madison -- it's a great city! SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care >> Next question - does anyone have any fun shower ideas (not games, more >> like party design, recipes etc.) that I could pass on to her? We know [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >automatic "I'm not going", then the wife or girlfriend has to turn it into >an argument. We're having a poker game for the guys at our "baby shower". Heck, I'm female and *I* hate going to showers! I will only go for *very* close friends. The pastels and goofy games. Ugh. To the OP: I'd suggest just having a regular old get together with your friends. What do you normally do for that? Cookout? Pot luck? Nan -- "when the sun goes down we'll be groovin' when the sun goes down we'll be feelin' alright, when the sun sinks down over the water everything gets hotter when the sun goes down" ~Kenny Chesney I agree-do something regular. As nice as a tea sounds, it won't excite nor fill up the guys that go. If it is hot, I'd do something in the evening. Salads are great in the warm weather and if both men and women are there, have a big ol' crockpot of meatballs for the guys. I think meatballs are dopey, but my DH goes nuts for them. Kind of a guilty pleasure for him :) For dessert something simple like strawberry shortcake or freeze a big bowl of red grapes (rinse and immediately coat with sugar before freezing) and serve over lime sherbet. Keep it simple so the hostess (your mom) can enjoy all the baby things and being grandma and mom :) Good luck and have fun! Kelly #4 2/05 > >> Next question - does anyone have any fun shower ideas (not games, more > >> like party design, recipes etc.) that I could pass on to her? We know [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > everything gets hotter when the sun goes down" > ~Kenny Chesney Well honestly, with your mother giving you the shower, it's already a breech of etiquette. But, if your friends and family won't be bothered with that, then go ahead and have it at your house. Although, you might just want to wait until the baby is born and have a get together with the new baby and just call it a celebration. Anyway, I was talking with a friend and she is giving a baby shower, with her sister. Her theme is Disney characters and what the hosts are doing is decorating each table with a Disney character, with a small trinket and book corresponding that table's theme. That will be their gift to the mom. The mom will take each trinket and book home. Since most people will not be into games, then really all you can do is socialize, eat and open presents. Although, since you are older parents, do most of the guests already have kids? If so, you could have each one write a little note of advice on an index card and you could read them aloud. Then you could put them all in a box and pick one and that one would get a prize. Another idea I did for my sister's shower was to have everyone bring a small jar of baby food (assuming of course you use jarred baby food) or if not you could have them bring a small package of wipes and put a number on each one and the package you pick, the guest receives a prize. Have fun and congratulations!! SignatureSue (mom to three girls) > My mother is planning a shower for me. She was originally going to > have it at her home, but she is a dog breeder, and, well to be honest, [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > thanks in advance- These days it seems like anything goes so don't worry too much about where it is located. Just think...no transporting all of those presents home! We are older (37--did you have to put it that way?) parents too. This is our surprise baby and we are having a co-ed shower. It will be a cook-out/swimming party and the guys are fine with it. They hang out and pay attention when ordered too. All the kids enjoy these too. This is our third (DS-10, DD-7) and I've been uncomfortable with the whole shower idea for us...but, we have no baby stuff and our friends took pity on us. :) > My mother is planning a shower for me. She was originally going to > have it at her home, but she is a dog breeder, and, well to be honest, [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > thanks in advance- > These days it seems like anything goes so don't worry too much about where > it is located. Just think...no transporting all of those presents home! [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > shower idea for us...but, we have no baby stuff and our friends took pity on > us. :) My mom had a baby shower for her fifth baby for the same reason. At the time, she had four kids ranging in age from 11 to 16, and had gotten rid of all the the baby stuff. Surprise! Since a shower is to help you get the stuff you need and don't have, I don't consider it inappropriate for a child who won't be the first, when the others are older and you've gotten rid of stuff. meh SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care > Since a shower is to help you get the stuff you need and don't have, I > don't consider it inappropriate for a child who won't be the first, when > the others are older and you've gotten rid of stuff. Well, technically, a shower is a celebration of a woman's transition into motherhood. It's purpose is not to celebrate the baby (how rude would *that* be, if we only celebrated first babies?!) and it's not to outfit the parents (that's their responsibility). It's supposed to be a time for close friends to get together and celebrate a life transition by providing some of the little things a new mother might need. The reason showers have gotten out of hand is that people have lumped all these functions together into the poor shower--welcome baby, provision the parents, mark a transition, etc. The gifts have gone way beyond the token items traditionally associated with showers, the guest lists have grown to gargantuan proportions, and people get miffed if they don't have one because it means that the baby is being slighted. Personally, I'd rather go back to the original form and scale back. People can still give gifts if they like (without a shower forcing their hand), and can still celebrate the baby (with any other sort of party anyone, including the parents, might choose to throw). Just my $0.02, Ericka > > Since a shower is to help you get the stuff you need and don't have, I > > don't consider it inappropriate for a child who won't be the first, when [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > celebrate a life transition by providing some of the > little things a new mother might need. Even if that were true (I'm not convinced it is), going BACK to parenting an infant is still a transition. Certainly in a family with all teens, adding an infant is a serious transition -- but for families with all school aged children, unexpectedly going back to a family with a baby in it IS a new transition. And one worth celebrating. > The reason showers have gotten out of hand > is that people have lumped all these functions together [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > Ericka > SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care >> Well, technically, a shower is a celebration of a >>woman's transition into motherhood. It's purpose is not [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Even if that were true (I'm not convinced it is), It's relatively easy to find in just about any etiquette book. > going BACK to > parenting an infant is still a transition. But not the sort traditionally celebrated with a shower. > Certainly in a family with > all teens, adding an infant is a serious transition -- but for families > with all school aged children, unexpectedly going back to a family with > a baby in it IS a new transition. > > And one worth celebrating. Of course. All one need do is celebrate it in any of hundreds of different ways that aren't called a "shower." After all, the only difference between a shower and some other sort of party is that the shower requires guests to bring gifts. If it's about celebrating and not about the material goods, then it shouldn't really matter if everyone isn't required to bring a gift. Best wishes, Ericka > My mother is planning a shower for me. She was originally going to > have it at her home, but she is a dog breeder, and, well to be honest, [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > home - is this a breach of etiquette? My mother is throwing the > shower, just at our house..... Actually, it's an etiquette problem for your mother to be throwing the shower (mothers, sisters, and grandmothers are not supposed to throw showers because they're too close to the guest of honor and it could give the impression of gift-grubbing). It is not an etiquette problem for the shower to take place in your home. > Things we have already talked about - my husband is English, so my > mother thought it would be fun to have an afternoon tea, with scones, > tea etc and then other finger foods like sandwiches etc. Tea is lovely, in my opinion. It's a great way to offer a lot of variety in a very elegant and fun package. Best wishes, Ericka Hi all - thanks for the advice and help - Yes I know its a bit of breech of etiqutte to have my mother host it, but she really wants to, and none of my other friends have offered, so I'd rather just let my mom be happy. I don' t think most of my friends will mind, as long as they have a good time. Indyra (hope I spelled that right) I completely agree with you, but I put it that way because I am older being 37 (as opposed to someone in their early 20s who may be gung ho about doing all the games etc.) and my friends just would not want to do games. A nice tea/barbeque is much more to their liking - now having said that, I'm sure there are plenty of pregnant moms in their early 20s who don't want to do the games either.... but I agree with you completely - I don't *feel* older.. ;) but my friends are my age as well and maybe they would have liked to play shower games in their 20s but not anymore. Anyway, thanks very much for your help - keep the ideas coming! :) There are also plenty of people in their late 30s who LOVE games. My wife and I throw two parties a year, memorial day and around Christmas. We are 37, all our friends are in that same age group and the things that keep them coming back are the games because they make everyone laugh. So, perhaps games are not for you and your friends, but it has nothing to do with age. > Hi all - thanks for the advice and help - > [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > Anyway, thanks very much for your help - keep the ideas coming! :) > There are also plenty of people in their late 30s who LOVE games. My wife > and I throw two parties a year, memorial day and around Christmas. We are > 37, all our friends are in that same age group and the things that keep them > coming back are the games because they make everyone laugh. So, perhaps > games are not for you and your friends, but it has nothing to do with age. Many games that I've seen at showers are particularly awful, though <don_tspamme@yahoo.com> wrote I don't want her to have to spend money > renting out a restaurant etc. so I suggested doing it at my and DH's > home - is this a breach of etiquette? My mother is throwing the > shower, just at our house..... People might feel it is a breach of etiquette. SOme feel- well really this IS an etiquette "rule"- that family should not throw a baby shower for a mom, it should be a non-relative. It evidently is seen as trying to get gifts. But I personally would not have a problem with going to a baby shower thrown by someone's mom, at their own house. I wouldn't throw one like this, but hey, more than likely if I am close enough to someone to be invited to their baby shower, I'm thrilled to buy the baby something anyway and don't feel like they are trying to get a gift. |
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