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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / January 20066 month old wanting to be held all the time
Hi there, My 6 month old boy wants to be held all the time. I've tried putting him down with toys, in the exersaucer, sitting with him, etc. etc. but it only works for a few minutes before he decides that he wants to be "on Mommy." The problem is I have another boy (twins) I have to take care of (who doesn't mind playing by himself most of the time), and when I'm constantly holding one, it's hard to take care of the other one. But if I don't pick him up, he would just cry and cry and cry... My husband says it's a temper tantrum, but aren't babies too young at this age to have temper tantrums? Also, I've read that kids go through a period of time where they want to be held constantly, could that be what's happening? And if so, how long does it last? Has anyone else gone through this? Any advises on what I should do? Thanks in advance. Jenny >Hi there, > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >My husband says it's a temper tantrum, but aren't babies too young at >this age to have temper tantrums? Yes, much too young. >Also, I've read that kids go through a period of time where they want >to be held constantly, could that be what's happening? And if so, how >long does it last? > >Has anyone else gone through this? Any advises on what I should do? I can't say how long it will last, but some kids just need to be held more than others. Do you have a sling, or Bjorn-type carrier? If not, I suggest getting one. You can wear the one, while still taking care of the other, and getting things done. Nan > Hi there, > [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > Has anyone else gone through this? Any advises on what I should do? I'd get a sling to carry them in. I carried #2 until a year old and discovered I could do almost anything wearing her. She had phases where she wanted to be with me and it was easier to pop her into the sling and get on then try and accomodate her another way. She grew out of it gradually. She was better once she crawled but if I was working in the kitchen or going up and downstairs which wasn't practical for her to follow then I'd carry her. If you find the front slings too heavy then at 6 months (once they're sitting up) you can use the back carriers, but he may not find that as comforting. Debbie My son(who is now a big boy of six years) needed to be held almost continuously through his first year. He refused to use any sort of sling or carrier. I ended up just carrying him around, having tiny breaks every now and then. I don't regret it. Crying babies need their Mommy's touch. It's not a tantrum, and it won't last very long if you indulge it. At first, my arms got very sore. Soon they adjusted. I enjoyed it. Babies grow up too fast. All too soon, he won't want to be held and snuggled. At this stage, though, it's exactly what he needs. Babies' needs are like buckets that don't go away unless they're filled up to the top. Once he's outgrown the need for constant contact, he'll be moving out to explore the world from a solid, loving foundation. Hold him tight. >> Hi there, >> [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > may not find that as comforting. > Debbie > My son(who is now a big boy of six years) needed to be held almost > continuously through his first year. He refused to use any sort of sling or [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > Once he's outgrown the need for constant contact, he'll be moving out to > explore the world from a solid, loving foundation. That's fine when you have one. However, this little boy has a twin brother, making her situation different. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice. As another mother of twins, one of whom was often unhappy, all I can offer is that you can only do what you can do. I DID go through a stage where both of them wanted to be held constantly, and it seemed to last roughly forever -- at least, that's how it felt at the time. I spent lots of time sitting in a rocker with one baby in each arm, and the then 3 yo sitting on my lap, too, while I read to her. Fortunately, DH was willing to do all the rest of the stuff that had to be done, which included cooking and putting the 3 yo to bed when it was time. While he was at work, virtually nothing got done except holding babies. I would NOT say he's having temper tantrums at this age. He is crying because it is his only way of communicating his needs. > Hold him tight. > > [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Debbie >  SignatureChildren won't care how much you know until they know how much you care > Hi there, > My 6 month old boy wants to be held all the time. I've tried putting [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Thanks in advance. > Jenny Hi, At about 4-5 months (usually post colic) they learn they will get attention if they cry. It's a hard to do, but best if you don't respond straight away to the crying by rewarding your child each time with a cuddle or nurse etc. You might find that when he cries for attention it sounds different to when he cries for a feed, nappy or wind. If you put him down make sure he has sensory stimulation (sound and or visual) to keep him occupied. Sometimes a TV or talkback radio might work to give the impression there is someone there. It's difficult to do but basically reward the good behaviour and not so much the crying, otherwise it can get worse. Hope this helps, I tried it with one of mine and it worked. Have also heard the experts saying it's the right thing to do. Gary (father of four) > At about 4-5 months (usually post colic) they learn they will get attention > if they cry. > It's a hard to do, but best if you don't respond straight away to the crying > by rewarding your child each time with a cuddle or nurse etc. The only I family I know who tried that now has older children who cry REALLY loudly, because that's how to get attention. SignatureChookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is nothing worth being eager or vigorous about." Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893. >> At about 4-5 months (usually post colic) they learn they will get >> attention [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > REALLY > loudly, because that's how to get attention. I was thinking that I've come across research that showed just that happened. But I couldn't find where I'd seen it so I wasn't going to say anything. Debbie >>>At about 4-5 months (usually post colic) they learn they will get >>>attention [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > happened. But I couldn't find where I'd seen it so I wasn't going to say > anything. There's a middle ground, but it requires exercising more judgement. You generally should ignore a little grousing, a noise that might just be resettling, the testing to see if mommy will drop everything if you fuss a bit. Lots of babies will do a bit of grizzling before settling back to sleep or settling down to play on their own or whatever. If you jump at every one of those sounds, you'll be jumping all day and all night and the kid never gets a chance to do things on his or her own. On the other hand, you're just shooting yourself in the foot if you know you're going to go eventually and you just wait until the kid escalates sufficiently. That just teaches them to go from nothing to a full-out wail instantly, because that's what it takes to get your attention. Best wishes, Ericka >>> At about 4-5 months (usually post colic) they learn they will get >>> attention [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > happened. But I couldn't find where I'd seen it so I wasn't going to say > anything I remember reading about research that showed that babies who were left to cry when they were under 6mo, cried more when they were over 6mo, compared to the babies whose cries were heeded. OTOH, apparently crying is an important mechanism by which a baby learns it is seperate from the rest of the world, so at some point you have to let it start crying. SignaturePenny Gaines UK mum to three Thanks for all your advise. I do have a sling and use it occasionally. It's just that they're both so heavy (about 20 lb each) it hurts my shoulders and back if I wear one too long. In addition, he gets tired of being in the sling after a while. But the good news is that my mother in law came to help out, so now I have an extra pair of hands. =) Jenny > Hi there, > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Jenny Sorry I don't have better advice, but you're not alone. My son wanted to be held a lot and still does - he's almost 2. I hold him as much as I have time for, and sometimes when I need to do other things he cries for a bit but then gets busy with something else. Some kids are just more needy than others, I think. I would get a sling or wrap if he will stay in it (my son hated it) and see if that will appease him. -L. > Hi there, > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Jenny Wear a sling, or let some unimportant things go, such as a perfectly clean house. This phase won't be forever, and it will get easier. I had a needy velcro baby who wanted to be with me 24/7. I picked her up or carried her or held her all the time. For some months, DH had to take over the major grocery shopping as she couldn't bear to be separated from me. At that age, they need all the love and attention for thriving. It's not a temper tantrum. They are communicating their needs to you, and if you consistently answer them, they learn to trust you. Some babies are much needier than the others, and they are designed to be in close contact with their moms for security, hence the popular wraps and slings to meet their need. Today, DD is very independent and can play by herself for a long while since around her 1st birthday. She still needs me and has some long periods of cuddling with me, but is nowhere like what she used to be. I imagine it's harder to do with 3 children, though. You have my sympathies. Marie DD - almost 23 months |
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