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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / May 2007help - need b'day ideas
help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got most things already! Cheers Anne > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents > from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two > weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got > most things already! Open a bank account for the kid and put the money there. When the kid is 3 to 5 years older, you can start doing investing in stocks and mutual funds. The family members will be giving him the gift of knowledge about investing. Unless there is the toy set he really must have. Jeff > Cheers > > Anne >> help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >> presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > >Unless there is the toy set he really must have. I'd only do that if the relatives that sent the money are OK with it. They may want the child to have some physical toy that is 'from' them. Go on-line and look at some of the toy catalogues to get ideas and then you will be better able to shop. http://www.youngexplorers.com/search.asp?SKW=4plus&TKW=YE12&scat=Y&GEN1=Toys+for +4+Years+and+Up http://www.brainbuildingtoys.com/new-educational-toys/ http://www.discoverytoysinc.com/toys2a5.htm http://terrifictoy.com/store/shop_age_4yrs_up.html http://www.museumtour.com/site_product_search.php?keyword=&priceMin=&priceMax=&a ge=4&go=go&mainCat=Creative+Play&subCat=Early+Childhood Some simple old-fashioned ideas # Stacking blocks # Puzzles # Balls # Floating Toys # Clay, chalk and boards # Books # Simple Role Play Toys # Pretend playsets like garages, airports, dollhouses etc \ Get dd a stuffed toy or rag doll of her own (probably not good to hand those down). >>>help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >>> presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >I'd only do that if the relatives that sent the money are OK with it. >They may want the child to have some physical toy that is 'from' them. Does she get to deduct gas cost and the value of her time from the amounts?? Banty Since so many of our relatives live far away, DD gets a lot of checks, so what I do is to buy her regular gifts, then decide later who to attribute each from. We have a relative who sends HUGE checks to buy toys for DD2. If we spent it all, she'd more than double what she gets for Christmas and Birthday. What I started doing was buying one thing for DD2 which I could write about in a thank you note, from each person, then buying shares of a company which relates to the toys that she's getting with the rest, including what mommy and daddy would have spent. It limits the amount of toys, yet provides something to send photos of. So far, her portfolio is outperforming ours. Even if she only gets the regular return, by the time she goes to college those checks will probably come in handy. I'm hoping that when she gets older we can involve her actively in managing her own portfolio and selecting stocks for purchase. >>> help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy >>> birthday [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] >> > I'd only do that if the relatives that sent the money are OK with it. WHen someone gives a gift, they no longer have a say in what is done w/ it. > They may want the child to have some physical toy that is 'from' them. > [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > Get dd a stuffed toy or rag doll of her own (probably not good to hand > those down). > Open a bank account for the kid and put the money there. When the kid is 3 > to 5 years older, you can start doing investing in stocks and mutual > funds. The family members will be giving him the gift of knowledge about > investing. I knew someone would suggest that if I didn't explain! Savings plans are already in existance, this money has been specifically given to me with the request to buy something for them. Anne >help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents >from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two >weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got >most things already! Good grief. You're not the errand girl for your relatives, are you?? Of course your brain is balking - it senses better than you that you're being put upon! ;-) If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set aside for him. Or all of it. Send a short note thanking them for the money. Period. Any relative asking after what was bought with the money should be met with an abrupt change in conversation. Banty (who had a relative who opened up a small custodial investment account for my son, and was shocked, SHOCKED, to find out I wasn't contributing regularly to it) >>help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >>presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >your brain is balking - it senses better than you that you're being put upon! >;-) If you have not had children of your own (not all relatives have or they haven't all had boys), then it can be a challenge to figure out what kinds of gifts they would enjoy. And if you ask the mother, and she doesn't know either (as Anne doesn't seem to have had any ideas) then what else is there to do but send money. Would that not be better than giving them something completely inappropriate? >If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you >may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >after what was bought with the money should be met with an abrupt change in >conversation. This seems ungracious to me. >Banty (who had a relative who opened up a small custodial investment account >for my son, and was shocked, SHOCKED, to find out I wasn't contributing >regularly to it) That's the other side of sending money. >>>help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >>>presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >then what else is there to do but send money. Would that not be >better than giving them something completely inappropriate? Nothing wrong with giving money. A lot is wrong with expecting that they fund presents quickly gotten by someone else for you. >>If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you >>may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >> >This seems ungracious to me. Why? A gift is a gift. One doesnt' have to say what was done with a gift. One thanks for the gift. This time, the gift is money, so you thank for the money. Now, I do understand that a very elder person who is having trouble getting around may make an arrangement with a parent. Or someone deployed overseas, etc. But that's an explicit arrangement. Then more would be said in a thank you note. (And it's getting less and less necessary given the internet - fewer and fewer people really are in that position.) But on the other hand, I've seen (and had) a lot of simple laziness or "If I can't find it at Walmart I'm just sending the money for it" or "I don't know what to get", but expecting that $xx.xx that they sent be accounted for with the description of some single tangible something fitting the value of the check, and on time by golly, from some relatives. When Anne says it's several relatives and she doesn't have any idea what to do, I'm fairly sure she's describing the latter case. Or at the least, she's allowed too many relatives to have that understanding with her. Banty >>>>help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >>>>presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents >>>>from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two >>>>weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got >>>>most things already! My mom used to give a gift certificate to a specific catalog (she used Young Explorers) so that the child could pick their own gift from the catalog. She had the catalogs sent to the parent and the parent could then pick what items out of it to show to their child so that the child could pick one. And that might be an idea for you. You could do it on line and let your DS see pictures of some things he might get for whatever the amount of money that you have is, and let him pick one (or more if there's that much money). Then you order it for him. He probably won't have it to touch on his birthday though. >>>Good grief. You're not the errand girl for your relatives, are you?? Of course >>>your brain is balking - it senses better than you that you're being put upon! [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >Nothing wrong with giving money. A lot is wrong with expecting that they fund >presents quickly gotten by someone else for you. I didn't get that this was something that was short notice on the part of the giver. I thought it was just that she hadn't gotten around to doing it yet, even though she'd had the money for some period of time beforehand. >>>If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you >>>may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >Why? A gift is a gift. One doesnt' have to say what was done with a gift. One >thanks for the gift. This time, the gift is money, so you thank for the money. My mom always made me tell a giver who gave money exactly what I'd used it for. It was sometimes acceptable to say "I WILL GET.." whatever I was going to get, or that I was saving the money for some specific item, but I was never allowed just to say, "Thank you for the money." That's where I got my ideas about the etiquette of thanking someone for money. But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit question, and the only reason for not answering it is if you know in advance that the relative will not approve of your use of the money and you want to avoid some kind of confrontation. But given good will on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be polite and answer the question. BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). >Now, I do understand that a very elder person who is having trouble getting >around may make an arrangement with a parent. Or someone deployed overseas, >etc. But that's an explicit arrangement. Then more would be said in a thank >you note. (And it's getting less and less necessary given the internet - fewer >and fewer people really are in that position.) I'm not sure that is really the case. Elderly people don't stop having trouble getting around because of the internet. >But on the other hand, I've seen (and had) a lot of simple laziness or "If I >can't find it at Walmart I'm just sending the money for it" or "I don't know [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >describing the latter case. Or at the least, she's allowed too many relatives >to have that understanding with her. Well I thought the other way - that the relatives had asked her and she hadn't given them any particular guidance, and so they sent money. She sounded kind of wishy-washy about it. I don't think it is at all unreasonable for them to want to know what she did with it - if nothing else as a guidance for next time. If Anne doesn't want to have to buy presents for them, she can indicate that (not by direct statement - it would be enough for most people if she said something like "I had a hard time getting to the store before DS's birthday, so I had to postpone his present from you." When my grandchildren get to be 10 or 12 years old, I stop giving them gifts and give them money instead. But I give it directly to them and don't ask their parents to buy something with it. I do expect a thank-you note saying something about what the child will do with the money (and putting it into the bank is acceptable), and since it is a in the form of a check, the parents WILL have to be involved, but I'm not sending cash through the mail. >>>>Good grief. You're not the errand girl for your relatives, are you?? Of course >>>>your brain is balking - it senses better than you that you're being put upon! [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] >doing it yet, even though she'd had the money for some period of time >beforehand. It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. >>>>If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you >>>>may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] >specific item, but I was never allowed just to say, "Thank you for the >money." My mom too. My mom told me all kinds of stuff - how it's "rude" to ever re-gift (even discreetly), or even give a away a gift if the giver might ever enter my household. My mom told me to wear the gift, or put it out, or whatever, the next time I see the giver. She told me all kinds of cockamamie stuff that actually isn't required by etiquette, or goes against it. It's rude to inquire as to what use was made of a gift. I really like the idea of having an investment fund for a child, and all cash gifts go there. That can be said in the thank you letter. If the giver wanted an errand run for them, they'll be dissapointed and won't give cash again. If they truly wanted to give a gift, that should satisfy them if they feel they need to find out. >That's where I got my ideas about the etiquette of thanking someone >for money. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be >polite and answer the question. And, if the money is still unspent, possibly waiting to be combined with other gifts? Or you know the giver expected a different purchase? >BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal >running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >I'm not sure that is really the case. Elderly people don't stop >having trouble getting around because of the internet. Fewer and fewer are unable to use it, though. That's all I was saying. Banty >It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. >>>>>If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you >>>>>may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] >household. My mom told me to wear the gift, or put it out, or whatever, the >next time I see the giver. My mom never said that we shouldn't regift - actually she did that herself - A LOT. My sister found gifts that she'd gotten for her wedding (which was in 1963) that were still in my mom's attic in 2006 when my mom died which apparently were there for regifting. I have gotten the idea that it would be nice (but not required and not rude not to do it) if I could show the person that gave me the gift that I was using it, but she never told me that specifically - she would just do it. If I gave her an item of clothing, she would wear it for me. The only time that's a problem is if the item just does not fit. >She told me all kinds of cockamamie stuff that actually isn't required by >etiquette, or goes against it. It's rude to inquire as to what use was made of >a gift. If the person has not been thanked appropriately (so that they know what the use is that the gift has been put to), then it is not rude IMHO. >I really like the idea of having an investment fund for a child, and all cash >gifts go there. That can be said in the thank you letter. If the giver wanted [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] >And, if the money is still unspent, possibly waiting to be combined with other >gifts? Or you know the giver expected a different purchase? Then you say that the money is being saved to get something specific. Nothing wrong with that. And I did say that you might want to avoid a confrontation, although I'm not sure that not answering will do that. >>BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal >>running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > >Fewer and fewer are unable to use it, though. That's all I was saying. My mom used the internet up to her death at 96, but I think she was unusual. I think I'm a bit unusual for my age (69) - my dh (71) does not use the internet and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that because I'm getting ready to go away for 3 weeks with a grandson and leaving him home. > My mom used the internet up to her death at 96, but I think she was > unusual. I think I'm a bit unusual for my age (69) - my dh (71) does > not use the internet and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that > because I'm getting ready to go away for 3 weeks with a grandson and > leaving him home. My grandparents are on the internet, have been for nearly 10 years, at the early times they used the internet, they did try ordering things, but found that many sites struggled with having a different delivery address to the credit card address. They live in Cyprus, have credit cards with UK and Cyprus billing addresses and do purchase some things for personal use, but I think they were put off by some early bad experiences, so haven't tried very hard to look for gifts etc. it must be very frustrating to work all the way through a website and then find it's one that doesn't allow you do deliver elsewhere. Also, they don't have broadband (they's like it, but it's not available in their village) and so many sites would be very frustrating without this. My grandma (82) receives emails, with an Amstrad emailer, but she's never learnt to send them and to be fair, the keyboard on that thing is tiny! Anne >>It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. > [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] >wedding (which was in 1963) that were still in my mom's attic in 2006 >when my mom died which apparently were there for regifting. Are you sure it was there for regifting? Or just that she didn't feel she could otherwise dispose of them. >I have gotten the idea that it would be nice (but not required and not >rude not to do it) if I could show the person that gave me the gift >that I was using it, but she never told me that specifically - she >would just do it. If I gave her an item of clothing, she would wear >it for me. The only time that's a problem is if the item just does >not fit. Well, it's a short step from "it would be nice" to "if you were nice you would do it". So the expectations can really be there. And there are a LOT of things other than fit that may make a clothing item unsuitable. If something is really not my taste, I do not want to wear it. Banty >>My mom never said that we shouldn't regift - actually she did that >>herself - A LOT. My sister found gifts that she'd gotten for her [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >Are you sure it was there for regifting? Or just that she didn't feel she could >otherwise dispose of them. Well she regifted (or helped me regift) MY wedding presents. Why should it be any different two years later for my sister? Some of it might be that my sister left for Germany with her dh fairly shortly after the wedding, and my mom might have intended to wait to give her the things until she got back, or the things might have arrived after my sister left and were forgotten. But I know she taught me the principles of regifting with mine. If it was a duplicate or something I didn't need and from a local store I returned it for credit. One store I was able to get a nice adjustable ironing board with the credit (!!). And if it was from someone out of town, we kept track of where it came from, estimated the cost and sent it on to someone else who it was appropriate for. >>I have gotten the idea that it would be nice (but not required and not >>rude not to do it) if I could show the person that gave me the gift [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >Well, it's a short step from "it would be nice" to "if you were nice you would >do it". So the expectations can really be there. I never had anything verbal from her about it. She did not ask me to wear things that she had given me. Or SAY anything about it at all. I never heard her ever say anything negative about any gift, nor did I ever see her specifically wearing or displaying something in expectation of a visit from the giver. Except once when just before she died, I was trying to clear out the clutter, and I wanted to get rid of a ghastly foil picture which was standing on top of the computer desk over the monitor along with about 20 other things. She said that someone specific had given it to her and she was expecting them to visit in the next month, so I should wait until after that. That was the only time I ever heard her say anything about that. >And there are a LOT of things other than fit that may make a clothing item >unsuitable. If something is really not my taste, I do not want to wear it. My mom and I fought that battle long before my marriage. She found out that no matter how attractive the price of something was, or how nice she thought I looked in it, I wouldn't wear it if I didn't like it or it was uncomfortable. The problem I have with this now is my DIL, and I doubt this is a problem for you yet. >> It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. > [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > wedding (which was in 1963) that were still in my mom's attic in 2006 > when my mom died which apparently were there for regifting. Hey, it's not to late to regift them. You can send them to her friends who you think would appreciate a final gift from her to remember her by. You can also save them and regift them yourself. Jeff >>> It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. >> [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > >You can also save them and regift them yourself. Heck - most of them wouldn't make the current UL code anyway.. BUT - I betcha 1963 small appliances and stuff are actually worth something now. It might actually be worthwhile looking for a collector. Seriously.. Banty >>You can also save them and regift them yourself. > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >Seriously.. All that stuff (and there is a lot of it) goes to auction if no one in the family (2 children, 7 grandchildren and various great grand children) wants it. The clean-out man is salivating over the pots and pans and even the old spices (people do collect those things). My sister and I are keeping some categories of things. My sister has kept OUR grandmother's collections. My niece has got the old quilts. Two great granddaughters have the stamps, and two of my grandsons have the coins. I've got all the old letters (letters from my great grandmother to my grandfather down to letters that I wrote her before email), all the photographs (my mom started to take pictures when she was a child and continued through life) and slides, and the postcards some of which date back to 1900. Another granddaughter will get the old dolls, and the doll china that mom had as a child. But the wedding gifts in the attic were mostly silver trays and butter dishes and things like that - not small appliances. >>> It's not the notice, although that would make it worse. >> [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >>>>>>> >>>>>> This seems ungracious to me. >>>>> Why? A gift is a gift. One doesnt' have to say what was done with a gift. One >>>>> thanks for the gift. This time, the gift is money, so you thank for the money. [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > >Hey, it's not to late to regift them. These were presents to my sister when she was married in 1963. So she's taken them as they were hers. >You can send them to her friends who you think would appreciate a final >gift from her to remember her by. My mom's house - 4 bedrooms, a formal diing room, huge living room and numerous closets, attics and a full basement was absolutely stuffed to the gills with things. There was a pathway to walk through. We have been donating, selling, and giving stuff away for a year, and aren't at the end yet. She did leave notes, inventories and instructions. Almost every kind of container (baskets, cups, plates, vases) has a note in it with the provenance. Things were assigned to children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. Photos had been segregated to give to appropriate people. She did all the work except to actually give the stuff to people - except for my dd#3 who got much of her stuff when she moved from MD to TX. >You can also save them and regift them yourself. > But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative > who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be > polite and answer the question. I think it's rude to ask about a gift after one has been thanked for it. It puts the recipient on the spot. What if s/he gave it away or Ebayed it whatever you might not want to hear about (which the recipient is allowed to do)? > BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal > running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the recipient to so anything other than appreciate the thought. I personally never ask about a gift after giving it, as long as I know the recipient got it and hopefully been thanked. It does make me happy to hear that they did enjoy it, but I would never bring it up to put the recipient on the spot. >> But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative >> who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >whatever you might not want to hear about (which the recipient is allowed >to do)? This was in response to Banty who advocated (for a money gift) just saying "Thank you for the money", which I don't think is a proper thank you. I think you should be prepared to say that you will do SOMETHING with money even if it is only to put it by to save it for something. One of my grandchildren used his money to sponsor an animal at the zoo. [Incidentally it really annoys me to get stuff donated to some cause in my name unless it is something like a funeral where the bereaved have asked for donations to a specific charity instead of flowers] When my children get gifts from me which are inappropriate for one reason or another (once I sent the same gift twice in two different years to the same grandchild, and once I sent some cups which were not dishwasher proof and it was NOT in the catalog that they could not be washed in the dishwasher), they will tell me about it and ask if they can exchange the item or sometimes they will trade among themselves. I think for our relationship, that is appropriate. If someone gives me something that is a duplicate of something I already have, I won't say so, but will say that I enjoy that thing. If someone gives me an item which is too small or too large, I will tell them that. If I just don't like it, I won't say that though and I won't tell them that I have regifted it, unless it was a toy for the children that they already had. In that case I may tell the giver that the child really likes that game (or whatever), and depending on my relationship with the giver, I might add that since we already had one, we had given it to a charity for a less fortunate child. >> BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal >> running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). The reason for this was that my grandfather worked on commission, and sometimes he had money and sometimes he didn't . My grandmother's father would give her money, but would specify that it be used for HER and not for the household. In the beginning, when he would give her five dollars (which was a lot of money when a pound of butter was 10 cents - I've got her account books - they were married in 1905), she would buy a china cup and saucer. She taught my mom that money was not to be "frittered away" on household expenses, and my mother insisted on that for us. I think this is the equivalent of the present day setting up of savings accounts or buying stocks for the children. But it is a family thing in our family and I don't expect any others to have this POV. >I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has >been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the >recipient to so anything other than appreciate the thought. I personally >never ask about a gift after giving it, as long as I know the recipient got >it and hopefully been thanked. It does make me happy to hear that they did >enjoy it, but I would never bring it up to put the recipient on the spot. If the recipient has not thanked me, then I don't think it is rude to ask about the gift. They might not have gotten it. I sometimes forget to alert my kids that I've ordered something, so they are phoning around <g>- DD#2 will ask "mom did you send me something from the Virginia Company? I asked dd#1 and she says she didn't send it." >>I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has >>been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > phoning around <g>- DD#2 will ask "mom did you send me something from > the Virginia Company? I asked dd#1 and she says she didn't send it." Which is why I said, "as long as I know the recipient got it and hopefully been thanksd." I don't think I've ever had problems not knowing they've gotten it and I have yet to be upset by people not thanking me. It's just rude to inquire any more than that. >>>I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has >>>been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] >gotten it and I have yet to be upset by people not thanking me. It's just >rude to inquire any more than that. My mom was paranoid about us being sure to thank everyone promptly. On my honeymoon I had a set amount of thank-yous to write every day. Because she did not want to lose face with her friends who had sent me something. If she sent a gift and did not get thanked she was apt to get really upset about it. I could see her asking pointed questions about the receipt of a gift if she hadn't been thanked, and she would not have thought it as rude for her to ask as it was for the recipient not to have thanked her. She would often send checks and she would be concerned if they weren't cashed that they had been thrown out or lost. Her checkbook would be out of whack. I'm not as uptight about it, but I do want my grandchildren to write some kind of age appropriate little note, and most of them do. If you send stuff from the store or from a website, it is perfectly possible for it to be mis-delivered or not delivered at all. I ordered a print for my dhs bday and a different one for my daughter where we were staying at the time - to be delivered to her house. They got the zip code wrong on the package and it was returned to the sender and was never delivered to anyone. My daughter told me that she had not gotten it and I had to phone the place to find out why it had not been delivered and that was the reason. Another time I ordered an anniversary gift for dd#3 with a date and names on it, and they sent something with totally different date and names. And my mom sent my christening dress to my son for his son's christening and it was stolen from where the postman left it in front of his apartment door. >>> But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative >>> who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > in my name unless it is something like a funeral where the bereaved > have asked for donations to a specific charity instead of flowers] There was an article I read on this which made me laugh. Basically the writer had decided to give donations for a specific charity (which then produces cards for you to give saying "thank you for the goat" etc.) to everyone one Christmas. they said they felt terribly good and virtuous until they were sitting round with their family with all the carefully chosen gifts for themselves and envelopes to give to everyone else. They then realised that the virtue was entirely on the recipients who thanked them kindly! I'd never give a donation unless someone specifically asked for it. However I might ask for it for myself. Debbie <snip> >> But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative >> who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > whatever you might not want to hear about (which the recipient is allowed > to do)? We have a family member that gives our daughters Veggietails DVD's. We are not christian and we don't let our daughters watch Veggietails ... so we Ebay them and use the profit for something they like. This wouldn't be a problem but the family member asks my daughters about them. Drives me nuts. I have told her that we don't do Veggietails in our house but she is so christian she doesn't understand how someone else could not be or want to be. >> BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal >> running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose). [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > did > enjoy it, but I would never bring it up to put the recipient on the spot. > Now, I do understand that a very elder person who is having trouble > getting [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > fewer > and fewer people really are in that position.) and all relatives concerned fall into that category, but it adds up to a moderate amount of money, plus my parents have promised gifts when they visit, so I could do with some ideas for then too. The relatives who have sent money are my grandma who is over 80, and lives in the UK, my grandparents, in their 70s and based in Cyprus, plus my aunt and uncle who sent a lightweight gift in the mail and don't seem to think that was sufficient. Anne >> Now, I do understand that a very elder person who is having trouble >> getting [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] >and uncle who sent a lightweight gift in the mail and don't seem to think >that was sufficient. OK, well I guess I got really, really tired of the cash gifts with strings attached from folks who thought I could just fit in picking up some specified something since I spend all day running around anyway :-/ Gift certificates are at least a little better than that. Banty Hi -- When my kids got to be about 5 or 6, I'd take the money they'd been sent and we'd walk over to the local bookstore. The kids LOVE picking out their own gifts! For the 2yo I'd probably just pick out a nice summer outfit if I didn't see a book I wanted to read over and over again. After all, a girl's got to have a wardrobe :-) (Seriously, it was at about age 2 1/2 that half the girls in my son's nursery school class started caring about what they wore.) I hope these thoughts help, --Beth Kevles bethkevles@aol.com http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. > For the 2yo I'd probably just pick out a nice summer outfit if I didn't > see a book I wanted to read over and over again. After all, a girl's > got to have a wardrobe :-) (Seriously, it was at about age 2 1/2 that > half the girls in my son's nursery school class started caring about > what they wore.) She already cares! She's has very strong feelings when it comes to what clothes to wear and has done for about 3 months - when it comes to the crunch she's a show off! Anne > Good grief. You're not the errand girl for your relatives, are you?? Of > course > your brain is balking - it senses better than you that you're being put > upon! > ;-) be reasonable, we all live in different countries, I would prefer it if they bought things online and some do, but sending parcels is wasteful, the postage is often almost as much as the value of the present, it is a bit frustrating, but the other option would be no presents at all. Anne >>help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >>presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > after what was bought with the money should be met with an abrupt change in > conversation. For heaven's sake, this child is *4*. Surely he can think of something he'd like to buy. If not, take him on a trip through Target or Barnes and Noble. He'll catch on. When my son was 4, a gift of $20 lasted a LOOOONNNNNGGGGG time, because he was enchanted with all the little $1.99 trashy toys in the local supermarket. Sure, they didn't last long, but he had a great time with them. Clisby > Banty (who had a relative who opened up a small custodial investment account > for my son, and was shocked, SHOCKED, to find out I wasn't contributing > regularly to it) > For heaven's sake, this child is *4*. Surely he can think of something > he'd like to buy. If not, take him on a trip through Target or Barnes > and Noble. He'll catch on. When my son was 4, a gift of $20 lasted a > LOOOONNNNNGGGGG time, because he was enchanted with all the little $1.99 > trashy toys in the local supermarket. Sure, they didn't last long, but he > had a great time with them. and that's precisely the problem, I'm not prepared to let him spend up more than 10 or 20 dollars that way and we have an awful lot more than that. Just right now I'm not even keen on letting a small amount be spent that way, we've had quite a lot of nik naks make it into the house one way or another in the last few weeks and we need a clear out before anything else arrives! Anne >> For heaven's sake, this child is *4*. Surely he can think of something >> he'd like to buy. If not, take him on a trip through Target or Barnes [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >we've had quite a lot of nik naks make it into the house one way or another >in the last few weeks and we need a clear out before anything else arrives! Some knick-knacks from Cyprus would be nice... I mean, if she had relatives from such a wonderful far off place, wouldn't items from there be more meaningful instead of the usual - um, stuff? Banty (still unwilling to totally give up on my quaint idea of folks actually buying gifts..) > Some knick-knacks from Cyprus would be nice... I mean, if she had > relatives > from such a wonderful far off place, wouldn't items from there be more > meaningful instead of the usual - um, stuff? huh, have you been shopping in cyprus? seriously, the knick-knacks there are about the worst tat in the world, they do give him stuff from far off places from time to time, he's had a kangaroo sent from austrailia and he's got a t-shirt from egypt. They give a lot more money than the value of such things, and don't supplement it with a knick-knack, other relatives have though, sent a small parcel and a small money gift. I do kind of agree with you about the gift being preferable to money thing, but my grandparents went to money yonks ago, they haven't lived close since I was three so it's always been money to the parents to buy something, then direct to the child. Anne > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy > birthday presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy > presents from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 > in two weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, > we've got most things already! They are both at an age to love tents and tunnels. I saw some kind of megafort thing at Toys-R-Us where you build the fort and could change it around. That would take up a lot of room but I'm sure both kids would enjoy it although the 2yo wouldn't get into the building part yet. That would be a good combined gift if they have enough smaller toys. My 4yo loved a mini indoor trampoline with handlebars. It makes sounds and counts the jumps etc. Again, the downside is that it takes up a fair amount of space and can't be stored away like a tent. Outdoor things like pools, sandboxes, bubble stuff, etc. Hmm - can you tell my kids aren't much for sitting around, lol. I do a lot of bigger ticket combined gifts if I can manage to rustle up enough money (and money from relatives helps with this). At 2yo and 4yo I imagine one of those nifty toy kitchens would be great. The 2yo won't know better so if you have the money but want separate gifts - get the 4yo the kitchen and the 2yo the dishes to go with it. For less expensive ideas a good quality shopping cart would be fun for the 2yo. Play food would be a good add on. The 4yo could get a play cash register and they could get separate gifts but play together.  SignatureNikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 Oh Nikki, you've tried so hard, I appreciate that, I really should have explained better first time, in fact I did, but it sounded horrendous, so I deleted it. We don't have a yard, just a medium sized deck, we already have one tent and one tunnel and that's all we've room for, so yard toys are off the list, you have reminded me that I intended to get DS a bubble maker. We did the kitchen thing at Christmas, though the cash register is a good idea, also the shopping trolley, I must look out for both of those. We don't seem to have great toy shopping locally there are a few fairly posh and pricey shops and then Fred Mayer, but our local one doesn't seem to have a great stock of toys! Actually, I must check where the nearest toys-r-us is, I know we don't have a babies-r-us close, but I have a sneaky suspicion we to have toys-r-us and I just don't know where it is. Thanks Anne We don't > seem to have great toy shopping locally there are a few fairly posh and > pricey shops and then Fred Mayer, but our local one doesn't seem to have a > great stock of toys! Actually, I must check where the nearest toys-r-us is, > I know we don't have a babies-r-us close, but I have a sneaky suspicion we > to have toys-r-us and I just don't know where it is. I find it much easier to buy gift toys in a small neighborhood drugstore or hardware store the has a toy section. Even though a big box store is less expensive, we really don't need to get the most for our money in these situations. A pleasant shopping experience where I can bring this kids with me to a place too small for them to get lost works. They can help pick out their presents without being overwhelmed. If you are trying to add toys without adding bulk, you can get additional parts for sets you already have. My 2 year old doesn't tend to put things in her mouth and loves small dolls, so we started having relatives who asked for gift suggestions get her Polly Pocket dolls when she turned 2. We got a small plastic box with a handle to keep them in. As she gets new ones, they just get added to the box. My 2 year old also loves puzzles, watercolor paints, coloring books and dressing up as a princess, swimmer, dancer, ladybug, cat etc. If your dressup box isn't too full, you could add to it. My 5 yo son likes to get new small cars or trains to add to his sets. When old ones break, we can eliminate them. When the car boxes get too full, we sort through and send a bag of them to Goodwill. --Betsy > I find it much easier to buy gift toys in a small neighborhood > drugstore or hardware store the has a toy section. Even though a big [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > works. They can help pick out their presents without being > overwhelmed. we were actually wanting to buy bigger stuff they have loads of small stuff, we ended up going to toys r us and managed to get about the right amount, some inspired by what we had seen in the drug store, for example, we got DS some hot wheels stuff having seen it in the drugstore, but we got much better stuff for the same price. We found a nice wooden easel, which I hope they will manage to use together, the box says it will take a roll of paper, but there was none in the store, does anyone know where I might get such a thing? Just need to think of a medium sized thing each for when my parents come! There were loads of things DS was interested in, but they all seem much the same thing, just different brands, basically cars on tracks! I could do with thinking of something different to that type of toy. Cheers Anne > We found a nice wooden easel, which I hope they will manage to use together, > the box says it will take a roll of paper, but there was none in the store, > does anyone know where I might get such a thing? Do you have an IKEA near you? I know they have easles and rolls of paper for them in germany, so chances are they do in the US. > Just need to think of a medium sized thing each for when my parents come! > There were loads of things DS was interested in, but they all seem much the > same thing, just different brands, basically cars on tracks! I could do with > thinking of something different to that type of toy. In germany you can get wooden train sets by BRIO. They're kind of expensive but the last and last and last. We still have the one my brother and I got when we were little and except for one connection that broke off (and another that came off but is glued back in) it's just fine. Sam got it when he was maybe 3 or 4 and he still likes playing with it and he's 6 now. In germany you can get a cheaper version at IKEA, so you might want to check that out. Possibly via their website, I don't know if you can mail order those things though. cu nicole > Do you have an IKEA near you? I know they have easles and rolls of paper > for them in germany, so chances are they do in the US. we have one about 15miles away, but it's an evil drive! > In germany you can get wooden train sets by BRIO. They're kind of > expensive but the last and last and last. We still have the one my brother [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > check that out. Possibly via their website, I don't know if you can mail > order those things though. I know the ones, and I suspect if we got one, DS would still get use out of it, but a while back we made a decision we weren't going that route. My parents have a set, I think the IKEA one, so it was a special treat playing with it at there house, then we moved away! We're unlikely to go to their house for another couple of years! If I get to have grandkids, I think I'll just give them a set rather than keep it at my house, unless I happen to be seeing them very regularly (even when we lived in the same country it was still only a handful of times a year). Anne >>Do you have an IKEA near you? I know they have easles and rolls of paper >>for them in germany, so chances are they do in the US. > > we have one about 15miles away, but it's an evil drive! Check out their online store, maybe they'll send it to you? >>In germany you can get wooden train sets by BRIO. <snip> > I know the ones, and I suspect if we got one, DS would still get use out of > it, but a while back we made a decision we weren't going that route. My > parents have a set, I think the IKEA one, so it was a special treat playing > with it at there house, then we moved away! We're unlikely to go to their > house for another couple of years! Yeah, I know what you mean. Ours was at my parents house for the longest time, too. When we moved here and they moved to Austria it went to my brothers house for a while (he lives right behind us on the same property) and then eventually Sam brought it home *lol*. He played with it for about a month and then my brother was over to play and he isn't all that fond of the trainset (that's why we ended up having it) and they decided to exchange it with something from the attic, so now it's up there. But I'm planning to go through Sams stuff with him this long weekend (how does all this STUFF manage to creep into childrens rooms anyway? It used to all fit into boxes into his IVAR but now IVAR is full and there's boxes in front of it, too!) and sort out what he's not playing with right now, what we can toss and what needs to go into a box "for the baby" and then check out what's in the basement and the attic and possibly move it all around again. Another thing I've just remembered is Playmobil. Sam loves to play with his playmobil things. Right now he's really into Cowboys and Knights (yes, at the same time, apparently there are battles to be fought amongst them). We have the Farm with animals and we have a lot of the construction site stuff. He got the huuuuge crane one christmas, a dump truck (eh, that truck that can unload what is on it by tipping it out. Babelfish says it's a dump truck, but that sounds more like a trash truck which it's not...) at the same christmas, he's got a lot of smaller things, too, like the forklift, some machinery for road construction, etc. He has the jungle hospital I had as a kid and the pirate ship my brother had. He plays with it all more or less simultaneously, the knights are on the ship, he has a fort built from Lego which is the cowboys camp, the farm regularly gets deconstructed with the crane.... I think playmobil and lego are great value for money. We have duplo bricks from a friends mother and you can't tell which ones they are! I have never sen anyone break a lego brick and even the playmobil things are pretty durable. Sam somehow managed to break off a part from the pirate ship, but afaik that was stored in the attic and it gets incredibly hot up there so it might just have been the plastic being brittle. It's not a big deal though, next time I go shopping I'll get some superglue and stick it back together. cu nicole > I think playmobil and lego are great value for money. We > have duplo bricks from a friends mother and you can't tell [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > time I go shopping I'll get some superglue and stick it > back together. you could contact Playmobil & describe the part. they replace broken parts (which is why all the assembly instructions have part lists, even on the single person 'specials'). one of the rigging bits for my pirate ship is broken & the Roman Centurian has lost his dagger, so i need to do a parts order myself. i second the Playmobil. i never had any as a child, but i've been adding bits to my sets since i was 21 & moved out on my own. i have knights & pirates. my 6 year old has the farm & gas station, a couple pirates, the Roman Centurion, the airplane, a helecopter & the dragon. the Centurion lost his dagger from the cargo hold of the plane. i think it was the baggage checkers... ;) lee > you could contact Playmobil & describe the part. they replace > broken parts (which is why all the assembly instructions have > part lists, even on the single person 'specials'). one of the > rigging bits for my pirate ship is broken & the Roman > Centurian has lost his dagger, so i need to do a parts order > myself. Oh, I didn't know that. That would definitely be neat, but the ship is from my brother and therefore at least 20-25 years old. I guess it can't hurt to ask though :-) <snip> > the Centurion lost his > dagger from the cargo hold of the plane. i think it was the > baggage checkers... ;) the thieving buggers! ;-) cu nicole > Oh Nikki, you've tried so hard, I appreciate that, I really should have > explained better first time, in fact I did, but it sounded horrendous, so [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > toys-r-us is, I know we don't have a babies-r-us close, but I have a > sneaky suspicion we to have toys-r-us and I just don't know where it is. Well shoot :) Art supplies are always fun too. Our Toys-R-us is 95 miles one way so unless I am going to that town for another reason I always buy from them on-line, especially with the price of gas now-a-days. It is nice to be able to browse the aisles for ideas though! SignatureNikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 > Our Toys-R-us is 95 miles one way so unless I am going to that town for > another reason I always buy from them on-line, especially with the price > of gas now-a-days. It is nice to be able to browse the aisles for ideas > though! in an ideal world I would have done that! Last couple of weeks have been busy, and suddenly it ended up with no time to delivery before birthday on Monday and whilst we were at the store it made sense to shop for DD too. Anne I never had any trouble buying gifts when they were younger, but now that they are older, it gets somewhat harder. I mean there is always, money, books, clothes.. I guess it depends what your son is into and interested in. Is there a certain character or something that interests him? If so, go with that. SignatureSue > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy > birthday presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Anne > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Anne Does she like dolls and other girlie toys that perhaps DS didn't have? My DS is 5 and DD is 3 and birthdays are not a problem because she is very girlie and he was very boyish. Personally, I put all money sent to my children into their college fund. We don't need more toys and people sending money never ask us to use it to buy anything. I don't feel that's right, but if they do that, then I would pool their money and buy something big, like a playhouse for the backyard or something. > Does she like dolls and other girlie toys that perhaps DS didn't have? My > DS is 5 and DD is 3 and birthdays are not a problem because she is very > girlie and he was very boyish. they are no so different, we got DS dolls and dolls pushchair for his 2nd birthday and DD is not really interested in them, her favourite toy is duplo, which DS has loads of and wasn't that interested in! He likes all the different bits now for role play, but never really builds with it. My sister has mailordered a doll for DD. > Personally, I put all money sent to my children into their college fund. > We don't need more toys and people sending money never ask us to use it to > buy anything. I don't feel that's right, but if they do that, then I > would > pool their money and buy something big, like a playhouse for the backyard > or something. no back yard! savings plans have already been sorted! Once they are a bit older, I would tell them how much money they had and suggested they save a portion in case there was something they wanted another time, but they are too young for that. Anne > no back yard! savings plans have already been sorted! Once they are a bit > older, I would tell them how much money they had and suggested they save a > portion in case there was something they wanted another time, but they are > too young for that. We have college plans that we contribute to every month and gift money just gets added to it. > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Anne If they don't need toys and you need to buy lots of individual gifts, I'd go with kid furniture or character hooded towels or animal cup and bowl sets or character electric toothbrushes. My kids really got a kick out of those gifts. They love using them and they really last. > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Anne Why not take them to the toy store with a digital camera and ask them to pick out things of interest; this is how we make our Christmas lists. lol. Probably easier for the older one than the 2-y/o, but still might be able to put some say into it. Our 18-month-old latched right onto a lime green stuffed bear the last time we were shopping and since he almost panicked every time I disappeared around the isle with it and out of his sight (he was with DH), I figured he liked it well enough to purchase it. lol. He calls it Boo-Boo. Also, the 4 y/o is getting to an age where they actually love to get the credit card gift cards to do the shopping on their own. >> help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >> presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > is getting to an age where they actually love to get the credit card > gift cards to do the shopping on their own. The problem with these is that gift cards (they're not credit cards) aren't real money. Their virtual money. I think kids are better off with actual cash so that they see it being spent. Kind of like adults spend less money with cash, because it is spending real money, not dollars in an account someplace. I know logically, they're the same, but emotionally, they're not. Of course, if the gift is a $20 gift card, there is nothing that prevents you from giving the kid $20 in bills and using the gift card yourself. (Or putting $20 in an envelope, saying you have this much money, and taking the money out as the money is spent.) That makes the money more real to them. Jeff > >> help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > >> presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > > - Show quoted text - I don't see any problems with it, neither do all the parents of the other children that use gift cards. Seeing how responsibility of debit cards, as well as credit cards, is also a great learning opportunity, my children have had no issues with being informed of the limits on the cards while shopping and asking if the combination of these # items exceed the limit or stay within the limit. Personally speaking, I never carry cash. I use credit cards to buy absolutely everything. I earn points on my purchases AND I pay the cards off in full every month. I am virtually debt-free save my mortgage, a car payment, and utilities each month. I know what is left and I know what I can spend. I think that if anyone literally believes that credit cards are virtual money, the issue isn't with learning at all, it is denial of reality. > I don't see any problems with it, neither do all the parents of the > other children that use gift cards. Seeing how responsibility of debit [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > virtual money, the issue isn't with learning at all, it is denial of > reality. I don't think that Jeff was suggesting that you or anyone else couldn't manage it, more that generally it does mean more money gets spent, whether that is true for one given person is an unknown, but imagine the difference if you didn't have that car payment each month, because you had saved enough by the time you get the next car and it is possible that by switching how you made some or all of your purchases might start enabling a little to be put aside. Anne >> I don't see any problems with it, neither do all the >> parents of the other children that use gift cards. Seeing [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > possible that by switching how you made some or all of your > purchases might start enabling a little to be put aside. the simple answer would be to only carry a set credit limit on your cards. i have 2 cards i use (i am allergic to US bills so i avoid carrying money if at all possible. just having bills in my pocket makes it hard for me to breathe). one has a $500 limit & one has a $1000 limit. i pay them both every other week or so (obviously, i don't get to the limits). neither has any fees either. while most card companies will want to raise your limit if you pay in a timely manner, you *don't* have to accept the offer. if you're afraid you'd be tempted, then get yourself a secured card. they won't raise the limit over what is in the account securing the card (this also gives you a savings account, which you can pay into without affecting the credit limit. you just can't withdraw below your credit limit without closing the credit card) i just bought my new Pilot with cash (no discount for cash though. that sucks). i did buy my tractor on time payments, but that'll be paid off in July, & i could add that payment into the savings too, but more likely it'll get diverted to the Old House restoration funding ;) i have a 10 year ARM mortgage, because i don't expect to still be living here in 10 years (well, 8.5 years now). <shrug> otherwise, i think adjustable mortgages are just begging for trouble. lee > the simple answer would be to only carry a set credit limit > on your cards. I don't think that's very practical, one of the useful things about credit cards is the ability to pay for something in an emergency that you don't necessarily have the money for just at that moment. We once had to pay a hospital bill whilst abroad that would be met by insurance, but couldn't be paid directly, if you're going to do that, you either need a 2nd credit card that you keep in a safe place, or allow the limits to build up and just not spend them. Cheers Anne >> the simple answer would be to only carry a set credit >> limit on your cards. [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > place, or allow the limits to build up and just not spend > them. i do have 2 cards with 5k limits. they are hidden :) lee >help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > >Cheers My kids very much enjoyed things like Lego and Thomas the Tank Engine which you can just keep adding to if you need another gift idea. And I don't think it is possible to have too many books.... Another option is to take the kids somewhere as a gift. I'm not sure what is available locally for you, but this could be something like a children's museum (where they can pick out something in the gift shop afterwards), an indoor or an outdoor play park, or a restaurant geared to kids. Carol > help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday > presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Anne Anne, I understand your situation about distant relatives and gift money. I'm from the east coast and my husband is from the west coast; we used to live on the west coast and now live on the east coast, so there has always been similar issues of gifts for the kids. My mother in law is starting to chafe at the shipping costs, and has recently been sending a few small items of her choice and sending a check for me to buy the kids something bigger, for which I usually give her a short list of ideas and she'll send the money for something from that list. My mother used to do the same thing when we were on the west coast. My oldest just had his b-day, for which we got him a new bike, and my mom wanted to get him some bike accessories and helmet. She's near us but she hasn't been well recently, so she told me how much to spend and I picked up the items when I went in to pick up the bike and she reimbursed me when they came over for the gift giving and cake. I don't really understand everyone else's griping about you being given money to get something and people being too lazy to pick out gifts themselves. There can be a lot of circumstances that make it the best solution, and frankly, I prefer it in many ways. A couple ideas for future cash gifts: My husband's aunt sends a check for the same amount each xmas, and it's just the right amount to by them each a year's subscription to a magazine from this publisher: http://www.cricketmag.com/home.asp Carus Publishing. Their magazines are very good quality, and they are graduated by age groups. There are some which are more science and nature oriented, and some which are more literary. My kids love them and read them again and again. I've recently had some money left over from that sent for xmas and birthdays, and after adding it all up I realized it was enough to cover memberships to the local zoo, science museum, and children's museum, which sets us up very nicely for a full schedule of summer activities. I know the relatives will be very pleased to see the extra money used in this manner. With most of these places, and the magazine idea, you can subscribe online, saving you running around to the shops. Relatives could even call or get online and set up a gift membership and renew it yearly. Karen >> help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday >> presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] >themselves. There can be a lot of circumstances that make it the best >solution, and frankly, I prefer it in many ways. Well, it wasn't "everyone", it was mostly me ;-) Really, I don't have anything against mutual arrangements of this kind. There really *are* good reasons why a family may do this kind of arrangement with certain individuals in the family. It's just that it has to be understood that it really is transferring a task that rightly belongs to the gift giver, over to someone else. In my mind it's a significant time-consumer and hassle-generator, especially when it's not initiated by oneself. Because it *does* take time, thought, and consideration to give a gift - that's a part of the reason why gratitude is in order. And it has to be truly a mutual arrangement. The problem comes when it gets to be expected, and people lose sight of what the situation is. And I think that's happened in some circles. (Probably not in Ann's though.) Cheers, Banty . I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two > weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got > most things already! Anne, How about putting the money toward some kind of 'experience' vs. a 'thing'. In other words, use the money to take the kids on some sort of an adventure...go see a play, visit a museum, go to the zoo or aquarium, see the circus, visit an amusement park, spend the day in a nearby city you've never been to, etc. It would probably be more memorable and no 'stuff' to be forgotten and stashed away in a corner somewhere. Those are the sorts of things we usually do in a case like this. Then, to make your Mom or other relatives really happy, make a video or a little photo album of the day and send them the pictures. Tracey in CT |
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