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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / December 2008Marriage is a guarantee of unhappiness
That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage still meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in evolution, rather than creation. The worst god could have come up with a better solution. On a completely different topic, our newspaper reports that bin Laden is too busy watching his own back to have time to cause trouble to others. Doug L.  SignatureBooks are good enough in their own way; but they are a mighty bloodless substitute for life. -R.L. Stevenson. > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage still meets > our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in evolution, rather than [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > a mighty bloodless substitute for life. > -R.L. Stevenson. Some marriages are really good. External factors can ruin them sometimes, like people who themselves have crappy marriages and intrude out of envy, or problems with stress, or family problems, or overwork, or difficulty with the children. Not all marriages are bad. Erin > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage still > meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in evolution, [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Doug L. If it *guarantees* unhappiness, would not *all* married people be unhappy in their marriages? Anyone can have difficulties in marriage. But I can't help but imagine that the people who whine the most about "marriage" or "women" are deflecting responsibility from themselves and their own actions. > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage still > > meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in evolution, [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > but imagine that the people who whine the most about "marriage" or "women" > are deflecting responsibility from themselves and their own actions. Me too, but that's SOME women. And i do not agree that marriage guarantees unhappiness. Erin > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > still meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in > evolution, rather than creation. The worst god could have come > up with a better solution. God came up with a great solution. It's only when man decided to regulate it that it got all screwed up. > On a completely different topic, our newspaper reports that bin > Laden is too busy watching his own back to have time to cause > trouble to others. That's an opinion, not a report. > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > still meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > That's an opinion, not a report. Give man the best of all possible worlds and history shows that he will turn it into a wasteland. Erin Not so... > That is why people are leaving it in droves. People leave because they lose sight of their center and values, and find being selfish all the time feels better. Its easier to play with no rules or compromise amongst singles and dip ones feet in intermittently into a short-term relationship vs. face the work marriage requires. I know, I was single till my late 40's. Marriage has to be chose for reasons beyond me, me, me. > Not so... > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > requires. I know, I was single till my late 40's. Marriage has to be > chose for reasons beyond me, me, me. There may be many reasons, some legitimate and some fickle. Among them I think that boredom may be one of them. Erin >> Not so... >> [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Erin Or as I mentioned, not enough common goals and agendas over the long run. On Nov 22, 12:49 am, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@earthlink.net> wrote: > >> Not so... > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Or as I mentioned, not enough common goals and agendas over the long run. It just SUCKS. A waste of my time and my heart, and my heart hurts. Oh, Well, It's Friday. Actually, Sat now, but Oh Well > On Nov 22, 12:49 am, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@earthlink.net> > wrote: [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > It just SUCKS. A waste of my time and my heart, and my heart hurts. > Oh, Well, It's Friday. Actually, Sat now, but Oh Well I'm sorry Fill. If you ever want to come to visit me on Friday. My home is yours. I'll write more about my daughter later. It has been very very hard My heart hurts too. :( "This is for all the lonely people" >> On Nov 22, 12:49 am, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@earthlink.net> >> wrote: [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > "This is for all the lonely people" Sigh. I'm not sure if the world is big enough to house all of them. > >> On Nov 22, 12:49 am, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@earthlink.net> > >> wrote: [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Sigh. I'm not sure if the world is big enough to house all of them. 'Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever it is that remains, however improbable, must be the truth.' -- Sherlock Holmes > Not so... > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > requires. I know, I was single till my late 40's. Marriage has to be > chose for reasons beyond me, me, me. or perhaps ppl leave b/c their center and values are no longer (or never were)shared by their spouse. Perhaps some ppl leave b/c their spouse is a selfish a.shole who manipulates rules and compromises to his own behalf, letting his spouse face the work of the marriage on her and end his to. I don't know why I ever chose marriage. I feel dumb >> Not so... >> [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > I don't know why I ever chose marriage. I feel dumb To have a good companion to share things with. And when it works, it's great. Perhaps ppl leave because they don't share enough common goals and agendas, especially over the long run. I don't know. I think the jury is still out. > >> Not so... > >> [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > especially over the long run. I don't know. I think the jury is still > out. Yup, when it works it's great. When it's broken, it's hard to fix. Nothing is guaranteed to be permanent in life. I think we maybe expect things to last in a fairytale sort of way. Erin > > >> Not so... > > >> [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > Erin In my case, i think i was wrong in putting so much emphasis on the meds. Erin >or perhaps ppl leave b/c their center and values are no longer (or >never were)shared by their spouse. Not perhaps... it's real. I don't believe many people change dramatically with time. Having been a bachelor for many years before marriage I can say without hesitation the problem is to many assumptions are made and not enough hard and fast early on pointed questions for clarification. Cant count how many woman didn't have answers for the questions I posed while dating. The problem with that is at some juncture each person, presuming healthy matures then realizing what they value and morally believe. If a person is not mature (having values and moral beliefs) before marriage, its shouldn't be a surprise when suddenly later their views crystallize only to be different then their SO. Why are they different? Because their SO either didn't ask questions for clarification or their SO didn't know clearly what they valued and wanted in a partner. > Perhaps some ppl leave b/c their > spouse is a selfish a.shole who manipulates rules and compromises to > his own behalf, letting his spouse face the work of the marriage on > her and end his to. that's a good reason. > I don't know why I ever chose marriage. I feel dumb If you don't know why now... that's a partial tell about what you went into marriage thinking. > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage still > meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to believe in evolution, > rather than creation. The worst god could have come up with a better > solution. I'm pretty sure god never came up with the idea of marriage. You might or may not of course find some value in listening to Alan Watts sometime. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1LzVN8nqg0 or www.alanwatts.com - Michaela > On a completely different topic, our newspaper reports that bin Laden > is too busy watching his own back to have time to cause trouble to > others. > > Doug L. -- > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > still [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > - Michaela You superannuated hippie, you. Erin > > On a completely different topic, our newspaper reports that bin > Laden [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > -- > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > still [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Erin I can see why you might find it scary. Just think how many lies we might have to tell ourselves in order to believe it untrue. xxx Michaela > > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. �And yet, marriage > > > still [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > xxx > Michaela Not sure what you mean by that-- maybe in response to another post; Erin > > > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > > > still [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > > Erin Nope. - Michaela > > > > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > > > > still [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > > - Michaela OK, find what "scary"? Erin > > > > > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > > > > > still [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > > Erin Well unless I am misstaken in that link Alan Watts indicates that you are god. You seem to be saying that that is an old and useless idea. - Michaela > > > > > > > > That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, marriage > > > > > > > still [quoted text clipped - 44 lines] > > - Michaela Frankly, i stopped reading before getting to his theological ideas. Sorry. Erin >>>>>>>>> That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, >>>>>>>>> marriage still meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Frankly, i stopped reading before getting to > his theological ideas. I guess it's easier to resort to name-calling than it is to listen to others. That way we don't have to pay any real attention. For the record, it's possibly less true to say what he talks about are his ideas and truer to say that Alan Watts found simple and compelling (to me and others anyway) ways to distill the philosophy/ies of Hinduism/ Daoism/Buddhism/Xtianism/etc.isms so that those like me could understand them a little better. Sorry. No need to apologise. Each to his own. > Erin - Michaela > >>>>>>>>> That is why people are leaving it in droves. And yet, > >>>>>>>>> marriage still meets our deepest needs. It makes me want to [quoted text clipped - 64 lines] > > - Michaela But but but, i LIKE Buddhism -- some of it! Sorry, maybe i have ADD after all. Erin |
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