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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / November 2008maybe tmi questions
If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than with your partner that's okay too, yes? Just wondering if this stuff crosses anyone else's mind. Vickie > If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? > > And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than with your > partner that's okay too, yes? > > Just wondering if this stuff crosses anyone else's mind. As a first pass, my feeling is that if your partner is satisfied with your sex life then what you do on your own time is your business. Of course if your partner _isn't_ satisfied, then there are things that need to be talked about. >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Of course if your partner _isn't_ satisfied, then there are things > that need to be talked about. I am pretty certain he is satisfied. No complaints or anything. For me lately, it has seemed easier to achieve orgasm without him than with. I guess I have some guilt about that. Vickie > >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? > >> [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > For me lately, it has seemed easier to achieve orgasm without him than with. > I guess I have some guilt about that. Set the guilt aside for a moment. There are 2 obvious questions: 1) is this a symptom of other relationship problems? and 2) what effect does this have on how each of you value making love with each other? >> >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >> >> [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > 1) is this a symptom of other relationship problems? More than likely. Just that I was getting used to leaving all the crap at the bedroom door and enjoying each other. It has gotten harder to do, expecially for me trying to get "there", so I do it on my own. > and > > 2) what effect does this have on how each of you value making love with > each other? You know, I really have no clue how he feels about the importance of our sex life and I don't think I feel all that comfortable asking him. He probably wouldn't have an answer except to say he likes it. And I am sure he doesn't know how often I help myself out. Vickie >>> >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>> >> [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] >It has gotten harder to do, expecially for me trying to get "there", so I do >it on my own. Orgarsm is fine. Well, okay, awesome. However, there are things that will affect your abilities to have them and also to have them with your partner. Best advice? Stop focusing on the orgasm! The orgasm is the cumination of the act. Why not focus on the ride, not the destination? Chances are if you have a great ride, you'll get to the destination! Unless, of course, you get a flat and it has to be blown, er..., up. ;) >> and >> [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > >Vickie Oh Vickie... Smarten up! Most guys not only love sex, but would be hot to trot to find out they their woman wants *more*! Not telling him how much you self-service is likely doing both of you a dis-service. My lady and I have a wonderful sex life. There are the odd time when I give myself an orgasm - but on the whole I find it so much less satisfying than an orgasm with her that I would rather wait most of the time! :) The underlieing thing I see her is *Communication* with a captial "C"! Why on earth would you *not* feel comfortable asking your partner about sex??? If you can't ask HIM, then who - exactly - can you ask???? If he has no answer, then *communicate* with him! Talk it out until he knows his own mind. This is a wonderful opportunity to build deeper intimacy and closeness in your marraige. Grab the bull by the horns. :) >>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > to trot to find out they their woman wants *more*! Not telling him how > much you self-service is likely doing both of you a dis-service. My observations don't necessarily concur. Many men may be like you say. But one cannot make decisions about her man based on this. As many men would be very put off, offended, hurt and ... demasculinized to think that instead of them and their red hot meaty goodness would choose to masterbate. Many men are also threatened by women who enjoy themselves overmuch in the bedroom. Women are tools of mens' sexual pleasure for some guys, and not a participant in their own right. These are two attitudes I have seen also in my checkered past and with some of my friends now. So I would not advise Vicki to make decisions on what many or most men would do in this situation, but look to what HER husband would do. My guess would be that he would feel some relief from the pressure of hanging out with her and satisfying her so that he could focus more attention on WoW, because it really does seem to me that he is one of those folks who never got dope slapped into recognizing that other people exist in themeselves and don't just exist as an an offshoot of him, his needs and his worldview. But I am speculating a lot here. > My lady and I have a wonderful sex life. There are the odd time when I > give myself an orgasm - but on the whole I find it so much less [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > :) >>>> >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>> >> [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > are if you have a great ride, you'll get to the destination! Unless, > of course, you get a flat and it has to be blown, er..., up. ;) I thought I was doing that, enjoying the ride, I mean. But who doesn't feel a bit "darn that's the end" when you don't reach the destination. Anyway, for men, you always do, right? So that might be a harder question for you to answer. >>> and >>> [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > satisfying than an orgasm with her that I would rather wait most of > the time! :) Yeah, that's what I am feeling weird about right now. Because it is easier to get there alone. > The underlieing thing I see her is *Communication* with a captial "C"! > Why on earth would you *not* feel comfortable asking your partner > about sex??? If you can't ask HIM, then who - exactly - can you > ask???? You all. :-) > If he has no answer, then *communicate* with him! Talk it out until he > knows his own mind. This is a wonderful opportunity to build deeper > intimacy and closeness in your marraige. > > Grab the bull by the horns. You're right. I am probably not giving him enough credit. I don't know what is stopping me. One thing is for sure, it is really tough to find time to talk. Vickie >>>>> >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>> >> [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] >Anyway, for men, you always do, right? So that might be a harder question >for you to answer. Define "always". For that matter, define "Orgasm"! Until I was with my lovely lady I had never experience what I will call, for lack of a better description, a "dry" orgasm. Basically what I have discovered is that most people confuse a man's ejeculation as an orgasm. It just so happens that they occur at the same time in nost cases - but it does not have to be so (as I have experieinced). But even if an Orgasm is not forthcoming, it is not the end of the world. The bottom line is communication. If either of you are not getting what you want out of sex, or not getting it fast enough, then you need to talk to each other! Sienfled made a joke about female orgasm... "It's kind of like the 'Bat Cave'. It is a really cool place to be, but once you leave you have no idea how you got there, and no way of finding your way back." While I understand the joke, I find this one of the saddest comments on the state of relationships. At the begining you have no idea what turns your partner on. Everyone is different. So, you can either teach your lover - or you can langisuh with substandard lovemaking while your lover tries to shot-gun what it is that turns you on. I have come to believe that often times people do not want to share *exactly* what turns them on becuase they think they will lose themselves, or lose control, or some such nonsense. The reality is that marraige is about surrender. If you both surrender to each other, and lose the ego crap, then you will literally become "one flesh". And lemmtellya, *that* will blow your mind. :) >>>> and >>>> [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > >Vickie This is your *marriage*. You don't "find" time, you MAKE time. :) >>>>>> >> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>> >> [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > same time in nost cases - but it does not have to be so (as I have > experieinced). Get out of town. I guess you might be one of the few who experiences that, but I never heard of such a thing! My DH ejeculates all over the place! Well, I mean, well, you know what I mean. Never has he gone without. It is so *easy* for him! > But even if an Orgasm is not forthcoming, it is not the end of the > world. The bottom line is communication. If either of you are not > getting what you want out of sex, or not getting it fast enough, then > you need to talk to each other! Yeah. > Sienfled made a joke about female orgasm... > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > your lover - or you can langisuh with substandard lovemaking while > your lover tries to shot-gun what it is that turns you on. And your turn-ons can change. I mean, I like things a bit differently then say when I was younger. Hmmm, alright, I guess I need to get a backbone and start letting it come out. > I have come to believe that often times people do not want to share > *exactly* what turns them on becuase they think they will lose > themselves, or lose control, or some such nonsense. Do you mean holding back? I am not a hold backer. Well.....now that I think about it, maybe in some things. Like the more depraved ideas. Yikes! Did I say that? > The reality is that marraige is about surrender. If you both surrender > to each other, and lose the ego crap, then you will literally become [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > This is your *marriage*. You don't "find" time, you MAKE time. You're right, of course. Vickie >..Get out of town. >I guess you might be one of the few who experiences that, but I never heard >of such a thing! You see! It happens. I didn't have a name for it, but I understand. >And your turn-ons can change. I mean, I like things a bit differently then >say when I was younger. >Hmmm, alright, I guess I need to get a backbone and start letting it come >out. >Do you mean holding back? >I am not a hold backer. >Well.....now that I think about it, maybe in some things. >Like the more depraved ideas. Yikes! Did I say that? Our pretences changes, and so do our inhibitions and responses. I see no harm in that, as long as we keep our partner on the same page. Why do you need to "get a backbone?" Have you been stifling your responses? Have you been keeping your preferences to yourself too much? Please, don't hold back! Stephanie's interesting post reveals that men do interpret/respond to things differently. However, I suspect (hope) your husband would want you to have a super sexual experience, at his hands [and other parts]! "Depraved"? LOL What "depraved" ideas do you have? :-) In my youth, I considered cunnilingus depraved; I thought the neighborhood boys were just pulling my leg. Later it became one of my favorite activities. :-) ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>..Get out of town. >>I guess you might be one of the few who experiences that, but I never [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > "Depraved"? LOL What "depraved" ideas do you have? :-) This isn't your source for personal w.nk material. >>>..Get out of town. >>>I guess you might be one of the few who experiences that, but I never [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > This isn't your source for personal w.nk material. Though I missed this post, I didn't take his "question" that way. I hope no one has been offended in anything I wrote or anyone else wrote in this thread. Vickie >Though I missed this post, I didn't take his "question" that way. >I hope no one has been offended in anything I wrote or anyone else wrote in >this thread. Vickie, this has been an interesting, exciting, and educational thread. It was courageous of you to present your concerns. Almost everyone, has tried to be supportive. And from another response your wrote, yes, very often it is easier to speak with strangers about uncomfortable subjects. That being said, I wish your partner was more sensitive and approachable. Again, I don't think this thread has offended anyone with a double digit IQ. It is probably helping other readers, too! Best wishes. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>Though I missed this post, I didn't take his "question" that way. >>I hope no one has been offended in anything I wrote or anyone else wrote [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > Again, I don't think this thread has offended anyone with a double digit > IQ. It is probably helping other readers, too! It would be nice if it has. I have my game-plan and have been rehearsing a few lines of what to say and what I want to get across to him. We'll see. If anything else, I have been shutting down any thoughts that I am a freaky nympho because of my solitary past-time. :-) Vickie >"Michael A. Ball" <Guardian@wireco.net> wrote in message... >> "Depraved"? LOL What "depraved" ideas do you have? :-) > >This isn't your source for personal w.nk material. Look, micromind, I posed the question because Vickie might be unnecessarily fretting over an idea that isn't "depraved" at all. In other words, quite normal, reasonable, acceptable, etc. Beyond trying to help Vickie find peace of mind, and body, I really don't give a damn what she does safely, in private. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > But who doesn't feel a bit "darn that's the end" when you don't reach > the destination. I can't see why one would stop if one is interested in reaching the destination and has not done so. Just because he has reached orgasm doesn't mean there aren't other things that you can do to get you there too. > Anyway, for men, you always do, right? So that might be a harder > question for you to answer. Happens sometimes here. He just isn't in the headspace or whatever. >>>> and >>>> [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > Vickie >>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > doesn't mean there aren't other things that you can do to get you there > too. Okay well, it has been kind of the routine that when he gets there we are done, so you are suggesting that I, what?, tell him I am not quite done and pleasure myself? Have you done this before? What it I do that and he walks out of the room? Oh man, I would feel weird and sad and probably wouldn't get there anyway. Vickie >> Anyway, for men, you always do, right? So that might be a harder >> question for you to answer. [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] >> I don't know what is stopping me. >> One thing is for sure, it is really tough to find time to talk. > >>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? > >>>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 51 lines] > are done, so you are suggesting that I, what?, tell him I am not quite > done and pleasure myself? Can't speak for your husband (or Stephanie's) but I'd find it a much better strategy if you were to say to your husband "can you please ..." (whatever it is you would like him to do to bring you to orgasm). >>>>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay >>>>>>>>>> right? [quoted text clipped - 58 lines] > better strategy if you were to say to your husband "can you please > ..." (whatever it is you would like him to do to bring you to orgasm). Oh I assumed that she WANTED to finish herself. That would certainly work in this house ... if I got a change to ask without him guessing what I wanted. >> >>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >> >>>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > better strategy if you were to say to your husband "can you please ..." > (whatever it is you would like him to do to bring you to orgasm). I have said some things, tentatively, but it is a bit risky. Have you asked your wife to do something, and if she felt that she didn't want to do that, how did it make you feel? Did you feel like it is now hanging out there, especially when you are in bed together? Vickie >>>>>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay >>>>>>>>>>> right? And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than [quoted text clipped - 59 lines] > Have you asked your wife to do something, and if she felt that she > didn't want to do that, how did it make you feel? Like a complete moron. Though I don't have a wife. Just initiating and being told he is not in the mood makes me feel terrible. But I figure that one is on me. If I say, honey let's make popcorn tonight, and he says geez you know I am not really in the mood for popcorn. I accept that he is not in the mood for popcorn. I think everyone is sometimes not in the mood. > Did you feel like it is now hanging out there, especially when you > are in bed together? AbsoTOOTely. But if you can't hang it out there with your spouse, who can you do it with? >>>>>>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay >>>>>>>>>>>> right? And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than [quoted text clipped - 65 lines] > you know I am not really in the mood for popcorn. I accept that he is not > in the mood for popcorn. I think everyone is sometimes not in the mood. But if you are eating popcorn and ask if he wants some partially hydrogenated soybean oil put on, and he says no, how hard would it be to ask again? Especially if you get the idea that he never would want it! >> Did you feel like it is now hanging out there, especially when you >> are in bed together? > > AbsoTOOTely. But if you can't hang it out there with your spouse, who can > you do it with? True. V >>> I have said some things, tentatively, but it is a bit risky. >>> Have you asked your wife to do something, and if she felt that she [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > to ask again? > Especially if you get the idea that he never would want it! I don't understand your analogy at all. Are you wanting something that he would find repellant? >>> Did you feel like it is now hanging out there, especially when you >>> are in bed together? [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > V >>>> I have said some things, tentatively, but it is a bit risky. >>>> Have you asked your wife to do something, and if she felt that she [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > I don't understand your analogy at all. Are you wanting something that he > would find repellant? Yeah maybe. I don't know. I guess I would have to ask to find out. V All I know is that this thread is making me incredibly jealous! Xorra > All I know is that this thread is making me incredibly jealous! Sorry, sweets. Did the magic wand not make it to the apartment? Vickie >> All I know is that this thread is making me incredibly jealous! > > Sorry, sweets. > Did the magic wand not make it to the apartment? > > Vickie <blush> um...well, it doesn't matter either way, since as I said...climaxing is virtually impossible for me these days. Xorra >>>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay >>>>>>>>> right? And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than with [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] > are done, so you are suggesting that I, what?, tell him I am not > quite done and pleasure myself? I wouldn't say anything, personally. I would just do it! > Have you done this before? Yes. > What it I do that and he walks out of the room? Oh man, I would feel > weird and sad and probably wouldn't get there anyway. Well maybe things are different in your neck of the woods. But over here, he would either watch with glee or join in, as it were. If he walks out, yeah you will feel sad. And likely you won't get there. But you will have risked sharing somethign with him. Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long as he is Ok, is he Ok? Would you rather just lack in silence? It seems to me that a lot of what you do is based on a serious fear of rocking the boat even a little. You can't effect any kind of change without the boat rocking, unfortunately. I am not sure if this is the arena you want to rock the boat. But if you don't rock the boat *somewhere* and stand up for yourself, you can't expect much to change. >>>>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay >>>>>>>>>> right? And if you sometimes would rather do for yourself than [quoted text clipped - 53 lines] > > I wouldn't say anything, personally. I would just do it! Okay. >> Have you done this before? > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Well maybe things are different in your neck of the woods. But over here, > he would either watch with glee or join in, as it were. Yeah, I don't know. > If he walks out, yeah you will feel sad. And likely you won't get there. > But you will have risked sharing somethign with him. > > Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long as he is > Ok, is he Ok? I don't know. He doesn't ask if I get there. I am sure he can feel it if, you know, he is there. I don't act disappointed if I *don't* get there, because I do like what we did do. > Would you rather just lack in silence? Well, if I am getting what I need on my own, I should be okay with what we have together right? And recently I have been okay with it, because I am kind of tired of trying to get there before him. > It seems to me that a lot of what you do is based on a serious fear of > rocking the boat even a little. You can't effect any kind of change [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > don't rock the boat *somewhere* and stand up for yourself, you can't > expect much to change. I think this is a good area because sex is enjoyable for the both of us. I just have to change the routine somewhat. Vickie >>> Okay well, it has been kind of the routine that when he gets there >>> we are done, so you are suggesting that I, what?, tell him I am not [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > I don't know. He doesn't ask if I get there. I am sure he can feel > it if, you know, he is there. I am not sure I would assume that unless you are significantly different than I am. Or he is. Or ... something. > I don't act disappointed if I *don't* get there, because I do like > what we did do. Yep. And there may be a habit contribution factor. You know? You have always done it differently... so what would make anyone think anything different now. >> Would you rather just lack in silence? > > Well, if I am getting what I need on my own, I should be okay with > what we have together right? I don't know what "should be okay" means. What does it mean that you "should be okay?" ARE you okay? That seems to be more the issue. > And recently I have been okay with it, because I am kind of tired of > trying to get there before him. Ugh. Trying is a sure fire way to NOT for me. >> It seems to me that a lot of what you do is based on a serious fear >> of rocking the boat even a little. You can't effect any kind of [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > I think this is a good area because sex is enjoyable for the both of > us. I just have to change the routine somewhat. Make an event out of kicking it up a notch... do something fun and different that he would enjoy, then later when the other new thing presents itself, it will seem all part of the new sexy moment. New habit made possible with none the wiser! > Vickie >>>> Okay well, it has been kind of the routine that when he gets there >>>> we are done, so you are suggesting that I, what?, tell him I am not [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > I am not sure I would assume that unless you are significantly different > than I am. Or he is. Or ... something. Maybe I shouldn't assume, but there are the telltale signs. >> I don't act disappointed if I *don't* get there, because I do like >> what we did do. [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > I don't know what "should be okay" means. What does it mean that you > "should be okay?" ARE you okay? That seems to be more the issue. It is, you're right. Obviously I am not okay with it. I want to have what I have alone with him, hands down. >> And recently I have been okay with it, because I am kind of tired of >> trying to get there before him. > > Ugh. Trying is a sure fire way to NOT for me. Abso-f-ing-lutely! >>> It seems to me that a lot of what you do is based on a serious fear >>> of rocking the boat even a little. You can't effect any kind of [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > presents itself, it will seem all part of the new sexy moment. New habit > made possible with none the wiser! I could do that. Vickie >>>>> Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long as >>>> he is Ok, is he Ok? [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >>> I don't act disappointed if I *don't* get there, because I do like >>> what we did do. It is unthinkable that he takes no interest in your orgasms. I can't help wondering why he hasn't evolved more. Please, don't assume he knows when you have an orgasm. I'm pretty sure he is clueless about that. "Telltale signs"? Ask him to list them. FYI, acting disappointed would be counter productive, unless you two are willing to try to change things. And for now, I don't sense that. Did you two ever have a time with true emotional intimacy? ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>>>>> Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long as >>>>> he is Ok, is he Ok? [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > It is unthinkable that he takes no interest in your orgasms. I can't > help wondering why he hasn't evolved more. I am sure I probably have something to do with it. Maybe he has just given up on it. > Please, don't assume he knows when you have an orgasm. I'm pretty sure > he is clueless about that. "Telltale signs"? Ask him to list them. I don't fake. There are verbal cues and the pulsing he can feel when inside me. Also the more specific things I do involuntarily. But it may be a good idea to ask him, but I really do think he knows. > FYI, acting disappointed would be counter productive, unless you two are > willing to try to change things. And for now, I don't sense that. I agree. Also, there really is no need. It is not like I don't like the things he does do! > Did you two ever have a time with true emotional intimacy? I don't know. How do you define emotional intimacy? Really, I am racking my brain. I suppose we are probably lacking in that department. Vickie >>>>>>> Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long as >>>>>> he is Ok, is he Ok? [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > >Vickie A lot of times making love starts in the kitchen. Don't laugh - not *that* way! lol. Seriously, emotional intimacy is, for us at least, all the little things that happen all the time, day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. On a large scale the concept is simple, and is summed up by the title of a country song: "It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your a.s out all day long". In a more subtle way, if we are arguing and crabbing at each other, then it should be no real surprize that sparks are less likley to ignite into passion later the same night in the bedroom. When we treat each other with genuine love in our hearts, then even the simplest of gestures or little rituals that are born out of that love bring us closer. My wife and I just seem to automatically do this - and it is a polar opposite to my first marraige. I feel a stronger bond and more in love with my wife than when we met 7 years ago. I heard the title of a book once, something like "Making love all the time". I never read the book, but that sums up how my lady and I are. I miss her when we are not together. And when we are together, it does not matter much what we do - even grocery shopping! In fact, last weekend I had to do the shopping by myself because of conflicting schedules and I found that I really missed her. Ah here is the Amazon link to "How to Make Love All the Time: Make Love Last a Lifetime ": http://www.amazon.com/How-Make-Love-All-Time/dp/0440208939 Like I said, I don't know if the book is any good, but I like the concept. I think about my actions carefully, and I make sure that my actions accurately convey my real feelings of love for my wife. the rest seems to take care of itself. :) Emotional intimacy is, IMHO, every bit as essential to the health of a relationship as is Intellectual and Physical intimacy. >>>>>>>> Does he care whether or not sex is satisfying for you? Or as long >>>>>>>> as [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > A lot of times making love starts in the kitchen. Don't laugh - not > *that* way! lol. Lol. I know what you mean, but he doesn't really *get* that. > Seriously, emotional intimacy is, for us at least, all the little > things that happen all the time, day to day, hour to hour, minute to [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > weekend I had to do the shopping by myself because of conflicting > schedules and I found that I really missed her. Dang, that's awesome. Being missed is really cool. I am not sure I am missed. But now I don't want to turn this into some poor me thing. > Ah here is the Amazon link to "How to Make Love All the Time: Make > Love Last a Lifetime ": [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Emotional intimacy is, IMHO, every bit as essential to the health of a > relationship as is Intellectual and Physical intimacy. We have the occasional mind-meld of emotional intimacy and it is really great. I don't think we have the little stuff often enough. I do have a part in this too. It is not just him. Maybe I will check that book out. Thanks. Vickie >Well, if I am getting what I need on my own, I should be okay with what we >have together right? No. Sex is not just about a physical response. It should be a time to increase your emotional/mental unity. Sex is a sort of cement for the bond between you. If the sex is week, so is the bond. Isn't it? >And recently I have been okay with it, because I am kind of tired of trying >to get there before him. Hmmm. So, you are trying to beat the cock: oops, I mean clock! How sad. Quickies have a special meaning, but never as a routine. >I think this is a good area because sex is enjoyable for the both of us. >I just have to change the routine somewhat. Vickie, if sex was truly enjoyable to both of you, why did you start this fascinating thread? That's a rhetorical question, but I think you need to answer your self. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >> Well, if I am getting what I need on my own, I should be okay with >> what we have together right? > > No. Sex is not just about a physical response. It should be a time to > increase your emotional/mental unity. Sex is a sort of cement for the > bond between you. If the sex is week, so is the bond. Isn't it? I disagree *enthusiastically* with this sentence. Yes *sometimes* sex is about increasing the unity. Sometimes sex is about physical response. Sometimes sex is about playfulness. Sometimes sex about passing the time in a way that is more fun than watching tv. *Should* doesn't enter into it. >> And recently I have been okay with it, because I am kind of tired of >> trying to get there before him. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > ________________________ > Whatever it takes. >"Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message ... >> I can't see why one would stop if one is interested in reaching the [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >What it I do that and he walks out of the room? Oh man, I would feel weird >and sad and probably wouldn't get there anyway. Hells bells! I knew something wacko was going on! Nice guys finish last, Vickie! If not, they help their partner to finish! YES! Tell him you aren't finished! If he won't/can't help you finish, perhaps he wouldn't mind being close while you finish. It actually takes some real intimacy to be present, without participating directly, while your partner induces an orgasm. First of all, he shouldn't be walking out of the room, if you haven't finished--unless he is gone to pee, get a drink and reload, so to speak! To just walk away leaving you in need is utterly cruel and inconsiderate, etc. If he begins to walk away, ask him if he is sure he wants to miss the show. Either way, give yourself the best possible experience. Now, because we don't know what's going on in his mind, you need to monitor him. See just how he feels about you finishing alone. Maybe it truly bothers him. If so, you need to find out why, but don't short change yourself, by not letting your needs be known. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >...I thought I was doing that, enjoying the ride, I mean. >But who doesn't feel a bit "darn that's the end" when you don't reach the >destination. >Anyway, for men, you always do, right? So that might be a harder question >for you to answer. Back when I was working myself to death, I didn't always ejaculate, but I felt relaxed enough. I loved driving my wife crazy. Her orgasms were more important than mine. I had all of them I needed; just not every time. There's no question that most folks do not want to get off the train, until it reaches their destination. The important question is beginning to look like, "Why aren't you being taken to your destination? Have you lost track of where the destination is, or is the engineer mismanaging the train--or both? Its good that you're working on this problem. I wish your partner to chime in! ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>> [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > You know, I really have no clue how he feels about the importance of > our sex life and I don't think I feel all that comfortable asking him. You don't feel comfortable asking your own *husband* about your sex life? If you don't have the unity to speak about the basics of marriage, where is the intimacy in that? I am not trying to criticize you. But I am completely flummoxed by your marriage and how it seems to me you guys are cohabitants with occaissional sexual jaunts who fight a ton. Where is the *marriage?* > He probably wouldn't have an answer except to say he likes it. > And I am sure he doesn't know how often I help myself out. > > Vickie >>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > If you don't have the unity to speak about the basics of marriage, where > is the intimacy in that? It's not that a feel like I couldn't ask him, I just know he might not be keen in answering. Or maybe I just don't want to hear his observation or answer about it. > I am not trying to criticize you. But I am completely flummoxed by your > marriage and how it seems to me you guys are cohabitants with occaissional > sexual jaunts who fight a ton. Where is the *marriage?* What do you mean by marriage? Or maybe I should ask what it means to you because everyone has their own ideas of what it is to them. It's a tough time for us right now. There is not much "us" time with the kids and all. He favors his "me" time above an "us" time maybe. Maybe I am okay with that. Sheesh, am I making any sense here? I don't know. Bleh! Vickie >>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > >Vickie I have said it before, and I will say it again... You *make* time for your primary marital relationship! Kids, and everything else, come *after* that! Once the kids grow up and leave, you will be left with each other. If you neglect your marriage now, then things will be pretty grim by the time the kids leave. Making time for each other is more than healthy, it is absolutely essential to the long term success of your marraige. To me having him value "me" time over "us" time is a red flag. I could be reading it wrong, but it shows an indication that he may be withdrawing. If so, that is *not* good. There is nothing wrong with "me" time, and we all need it. But to place it over "us" time? Hit Priceline.com and get a great hotel close by for cheap - then GO for the weekend! Drop the kids off with family, or get a sitter for the weekend. No back talk - *Just do it*. Let the kids see that you care about each other enough to make time for one another. This is model be haviour! What was that line from "True Lies"?... "It's just lie a dieing plant, all it needs is a little water!" Oh, btw, you are also quite correct in your other post... You leave the garbage *outside* the bedroom door. hth >>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] > more than healthy, it is absolutely essential to the long term success > of your marraige. I agree. > To me having him value "me" time over "us" time is a red flag. I could > be reading it wrong, but it shows an indication that he may be > withdrawing. If so, that is *not* good. There is nothing wrong with > "me" time, and we all need it. But to place it over "us" time? Yeah, I don't know. He is a pretty solitary guy and needs his alone time. > Hit Priceline.com and get a great hotel close by for cheap - then GO > for the weekend! Drop the kids off with family, or get a sitter for > the weekend. No back talk - *Just do it*. Let the kids see that you > care about each other enough to make time for one another. This is > model be haviour! Okay. I will look something up right now. > What was that line from "True Lies"?... "It's just lie a dieing plant, > all it needs is a little water!" > > Oh, btw, you are also quite correct in your other post... You leave > the garbage *outside* the bedroom door. Yep. Vickie >>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > What do you mean by marriage? Or maybe I should ask what it means to > you because everyone has their own ideas of what it is to them. My guess is that your idea and my idea are not that different. You are settling with HIS idea since it is the only one you have right now. > It's a tough time for us right now. There is not much "us" time with > the kids and all. He favors his "me" time above an "us" time maybe. > Maybe I am okay with that. Are you? You don't really sound like you are. > Sheesh, am I making any sense here? I don't know. Bleh! You make a ton of sense. And it is not a pretty thing to see. > Vickie >>>>>>>> If you have incredible orgasms sans partner, that's okay right? >>>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > My guess is that your idea and my idea are not that different. You are > settling with HIS idea since it is the only one you have right now. I guess. I don't know. It is sooo hard right now. >> It's a tough time for us right now. There is not much "us" time with >> the kids and all. He favors his "me" time above an "us" time maybe. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > You make a ton of sense. And it is not a pretty thing to see. I am thinking I am helping myself out too much. I really like doing "that", but I probably should be holding off so I can enjoy it with my husband. Like starve myself a bit, then it will be better or easier to get there with him. Can you get addicted to doing that? Vickie > "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >> You make a ton of sense. And it is not a pretty thing to see. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Like starve myself a bit, then it will be better or easier to get > there with him. So... rather than address the underlying marital problems with your husband, you are going to play mind tricks on youself so you can have orgasms with him? If it were me, I would stick to whacking off at that point! > Can you get addicted to doing that? No. Nor will whatever horror stories the nuns told you happen! I can't remember what it was the Nun told our class was going to happen if we masturbated. But I remember even in 6th grade thinking, that woman is crazy?!? Does she think we are going to beleive that?!?! > Vickie >> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > orgasms with him? If it were me, I would stick to whacking off at that > point! Yeah, okay, maybe not. >> Can you get addicted to doing that? > > No. Nor will whatever horror stories the nuns told you happen! I can't > remember what it was the Nun told our class was going to happen if we > masturbated. But I remember even in 6th grade thinking, that woman is > crazy?!? Does she think we are going to beleive that?!?! Maybe the eyesight thing? Okay TMI: I am like a friggin' teenage boy here! So I am a little concerned with the addiction thing. You still think it is okay? Vickie >>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > Maybe the eyesight thing? Oh right. I kept thinking it was that the pecker would fall off. But I knew they threatened us girls too.... So that would not make sense! > Okay TMI: > I am like a friggin' teenage boy here! So I am a little concerned > with the addiction thing. > You still think it is okay? TMI..... Yes. It is Ok. At least, I am the horniest woman on the planet (unless I have to share the title with you). Dr. ... sh.t what is her name the short lady? Well she says I am ok. Oprah says I am ok. My doc says I am ok. I just tell DH, hold on to you hat, it is gonna be a bumpy ride! >>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>> [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > lady? Well she says I am ok. Oprah says I am ok. My doc says I am ok. I > just tell DH, hold on to you hat, it is gonna be a bumpy ride! You TMI'd so I am safe down here, I think. Thank the free world! I seriously cannot keep my hands off myself. I keep thinking it will wane, but it hasn't. Okay, I refuse to worry about how much then. V >>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>>> [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > > V Do you two think that you have higher testosterone levels than the average woman? >>>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>>>> [quoted text clipped - 46 lines] > Do you two think that you have higher testosterone levels than the average > woman? I have no idea. V >You TMI'd so I am safe down here, I think. > >Thank the free world! I seriously cannot keep my hands off myself. >I keep thinking it will wane, but it hasn't. >Okay, I refuse to worry about how much then. Hmmm. You can admit that to the entire world, but not to your partner? How interesting. How arousing you are. Heck, even if I couldn't keep up with you, I'd be happy to give you a little licking afterwards: to tidy you up a bit. Its a pity your partner doesn't see you that way. I wonder if there is a way to correct his vision. :-) ________________________ Whatever it takes. >>You TMI'd so I am safe down here, I think. >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Hmmm. You can admit that to the entire world, but not to your partner? > How interesting. Well, sure. I don't have to look into anyone's eyes here on a daily basis! Don't you think it is easier talking about this kind of thing with less involved people or am I alone in this thinking? > How arousing you are. Heck, even if I couldn't keep up with you, I'd be > happy to give you a little licking afterwards: to tidy you up a bit. Its > a pity your partner doesn't see you that way. I wonder if there is a way > to correct his vision. :-) Lol. But I think that if our sexes were reversed, would we not be more in the line of thinking that we should not push our woman partner to do things they would rather not do? Vickie > >>You TMI'd so I am safe down here, I think. > >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Don't you think it is easier talking about this kind of thing with > less involved people or am I alone in this thinking? No, you're not alone. But I think Michael's point is that sooner or later you are probably going to _have_ to talk to your husband about this. > > How arousing you are. Heck, even if I couldn't keep up with you, I'd be > > happy to give you a little licking afterwards: to tidy you up a bit. Its [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > the line of thinking that we should not push our woman partner to do > things they would rather not do? If what you want is really specific (e.g. oral sex) and he really doesn't want to do it then I don't think you should be pushing on that. What I do think you should be pushing on is the idea that sex isn't over until _both_ people are done, and that it is in his interests (as well as yours) to find ways that you like to remain involved until _you_ as well as he is satisfied. And I would say the same thing if the sexes were reversed. The situation you are in now is ripe for gradual deterioration, to the point where you may just lose interest in having sex with him at all. I'm not suggesting you threaten that, but I am pointing out that this is a possible consequence of his selfishness or ignorance (whichever it is). >>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > >Vickie Masterbation is something you do *for yourself*. As long as masterbation is not a substitute for the intimate contact of your marital sex, then I don't believe there is a problem with it. I know my lady can get upset if she knows that I did masterbate; however, the reality is that she right now she has a problem with her knee that needs surgery to correct. This makes sex more difficult than it used to be - not to mention if it is not done "just right" it can result in a lot of pain which is counterproductive to say the least. It also drains a lot of her energy, so she is frequently too tired to have sex as much as we used to. We know darn well that this is a temporary situation. She feels that all I should need is "her", and I believe it hurts her pride to think that I w.nk sometimes. What I have told her is that it is *not* a replacement for her! which is the truth! If she gets upset then I ask her is hse wants sex. If she says "no", then I tell her she has nothing to complain about. If she says "yes", then we have sex. :) Really, a lot of this is quite silly. Pride should never enter into it. We *all* fantasize, and most of us w.nk at some point or other. I admit that I do not do that as much as I did when I was younger, but I still do some times. It does not detract in any way what I feel for, or how I feel about, my lovely lady. But unlike you and your hubby, my lady and I communicate *a lot*. In fact we share many of the same fantasies (and a few different ones! ;). And if I "finish" first, then I have no problem continuing and makiing darn good and sure she is *fully* pleasured in every sense of the word! My credo - I want her to be so exhausted when we are finished that she has trouble standing up because her legs are weak! And I approach it that way every single time we hop in the sack. Let's just say I have not had any complaints. :))))) (well other than "please stop, I've had enough, I just could not take another orgasm." ;) I can't imagine not fully pleasuing my wife when we have sex - whatever it takes! I do it, and I do it gladly. Besides, sometimes I get my second (or third) wind, and we continue on! Depends on how much time we have. >>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>> [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > masterbation is not a substitute for the intimate contact of your > marital sex, then I don't believe there is a problem with it. Okay, well, I never turn him away, so I guess I am good that way. > I know my lady can get upset if she knows that I did masterbate; > however, the reality is that she right now she has a problem with her [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > "no", then I tell her she has nothing to complain about. If she says > "yes", then we have sex. :) I wouldn't care if my DH masturbated, just as long as what you said goes...that he wasn't substituting one for the other. I just wonder if I would initiate more with *him* if I didn't do so much of it. > Really, a lot of this is quite silly. Pride should never enter into > it. We *all* fantasize, and most of us w.nk at some point or other. I [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > finished that she has trouble standing up because her legs are weak! > And I approach it that way every single time we hop in the sack. I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm or not. I also think plenty of men are just not physically capable of sticking with it until their girl "has trouble standing up". Anyway, I guess I won't know until I communicate with him. > Let's just say I have not had any complaints. :))))) > (well other than "please stop, I've had enough, I just could not take > another orgasm." ;) I do remember a time like that....the courting period. > I can't imagine not fully pleasuing my wife when we have sex - > whatever it takes! I do it, and I do it gladly. Besides, sometimes I > get my second (or third) wind, and we continue on! Depends on how much > time we have. Sounds like young love. :-) Vickie > I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. > Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm > or not. I also think plenty of men are just not physically capable of > sticking with it until their girl "has trouble standing up". > Anyway, I guess I won't know until I communicate with him. Well here is WAAAAY too much TMI Sticking with it ... in the regard I think you mean is hardly the point in my book. If that were to continue ad nauseum, I would be having trouble standing up because I would be in PAIN. Variety is the spice of life! Appendages are everywhere. And glass is a lovely thing. And if the glass is weilded by HIM it is still him. At least in my book. And what one person can do well, two people can do better together. Still trying to talk in code while being ridiculously graphic. RUTH her name is Doc RUTH! I don't know why I just thought that. >> Let's just say I have not had any complaints. :))))) >> (well other than "please stop, I've had enough, I just could not take [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Sounds like young love. :-) Huh. Sounds like experienced love to me! :) > Vickie >> I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. >> Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Still trying to talk in code while being ridiculously graphic. I get what you are saying, but he has never found any interest in doing anything after he is done. Vickie snip >>> I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. >>> Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > >snip Ouch! Now *that* is a bummer. :( >... >I get what you are saying, but he has never found any interest in doing >anything after he is done. Vickie, that is so sad. That is the root of the problem, and I don't know how to begin to enlighten him. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >...And if the glass is weilded by HIM it is still him... That's a very special attitude. Your man is a fortunate fellow. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >> ...And if the glass is weilded by HIM it is still him... > > That's a very special attitude. Your man is a fortunate fellow. That is a two way street, my friend. > ________________________ > Whatever it takes. > I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. > Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm or not. > I also think plenty of men are just not physically capable of sticking > with it until their girl "has trouble standing up". As long as you aren't so picky about what they are "sticking with it" with, I think most men could manage that. Contributing to the too much information: I find genital intercourse can be fairly uncomfortable after I have an orgasm. So for me to stick with it until my wife was no longer able to stand up would involve using something other than my genitals. Which is of course fine. >> I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. >> Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm or not. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > >Contributing to the too much information: :)P~ >I find genital intercourse can be fairly uncomfortable after I have an >orgasm. So for me to stick with it until my wife was no longer able >to stand up would involve using something other than my genitals. >Which is of course fine. >> I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. >> Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm or [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > to stand up would involve using something other than my genitals. > Which is of course fine. I wasn't even thinking of him using that part of himself to help me finish. So it was always fine in your marriage that you keep making love even after your own orgasm? Nevermind. It seems pretty obvious it was. Vickie (snip) > So it was always fine in your marriage that you keep making love even > after your own orgasm? > Nevermind. It seems pretty obvious it was. Yeah, to me it seems bizarre not to have both partners remain involved until both partners are done! (Though what "done" means certainly varies.) >(snip) > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >until both partners are done! (Though what "done" means certainly >varies.) Agree 100%! >>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>>> [quoted text clipped - 54 lines] >I just wonder if I would initiate more with *him* if I didn't do so much of >it. Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make love. Then decrease your masterbation slowly. Keep measuring how much you masterbate and how much you both make love. I would also try to measure your sexual satisfaction level. I realize all of this is subjective. However, what you are looking for is the overall trend (not an "absolute" level or measurement). If you find that masterbating less leads to more sex with your husband, then you have the answer to that quesiton. But if more sex leads to decreased satisfaction, then you have some work to do (both of you!). Just a thought. >> Really, a lot of this is quite silly. Pride should never enter into >> it. We *all* fantasize, and most of us w.nk at some point or other. I [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >I am not sure but I don't think a lot of men think that way. >Or maybe I give him the idea that I am always fine whether I orgasm or not. If you are "fine", then OK. But if you are not fully satisfied, then tell him with love and compassion. >I also think plenty of men are just not physically capable of sticking with >it until their girl "has trouble standing up". Sexual satisfaction of a lady is not necessarily achieved by an erection exclusively. There are lots of fun ways to satisfy! >Anyway, I guess I won't know until I communicate with him. Yup! >> Let's just say I have not had any complaints. :))))) >> (well other than "please stop, I've had enough, I just could not take >> another orgasm." ;) > >I do remember a time like that....the courting period. I will admit that the frequency of lovemaking is lower than in the courting period; however, the intensity is just as strong - even stronger! Quality not quantity! >> I can't imagine not fully pleasuing my wife when we have sex - >> whatever it takes! I do it, and I do it gladly. Besides, sometimes I [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >Vickie You are as young as you feel. :) > Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. > Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make > love. Then decrease your masterbation slowly. Keep measuring how much > you masterbate and how much you both make love. I would also try to > measure your sexual satisfaction level. Please....it's mastUrbate, not mastErbate! I wouldn't have gone into spelling-nazi mode it if you hadn't typed it about a thousand times! >> Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. >> Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >I wouldn't have gone into spelling-nazi mode it if you hadn't typed it about >a thousand times! Sorry about that! >>> Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. >>> Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Sorry about that! Oh! I assumed it was me. >>> Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. >>> Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Sorry about that! :-D >> Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. >> Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I wouldn't have gone into spelling-nazi mode it if you hadn't typed > it about a thousand times! Did I at least spell it incorrectly consistently? >> Well... you could try measuring this. Keep masterbating for a while. >> Make note of how much you masterbate, and how much you and hubby make [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I wouldn't have gone into spelling-nazi mode it if you hadn't typed > it about a thousand times! <blesses Deja> >>>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>>>> [quoted text clipped - 72 lines] > > Just a thought. A good thought. >>> Really, a lot of this is quite silly. Pride should never enter into >>> it. We *all* fantasize, and most of us w.nk at some point or other. I [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > If you are "fine", then OK. But if you are not fully satisfied, then > tell him with love and compassion. Oh boy. >>I also think plenty of men are just not physically capable of sticking >>with >>it until their girl "has trouble standing up". > > Sexual satisfaction of a lady is not necessarily achieved by an > erection exclusively. There are lots of fun ways to satisfy! I agree. Uh... TMI again . . . . . . . . . . Some men are not too happy dealing with it down there after they have wet that whistle, dig? I think I am limited to foreplay for satisfaction and that kind of sucks because I feel rushed before and sometimes during it. >>Anyway, I guess I won't know until I communicate with him. > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Quality not quantity! Quality over quantity yes. Quality with quantity even better. >>> I can't imagine not fully pleasuing my wife when we have sex - >>> whatever it takes! I do it, and I do it gladly. Besides, sometimes I [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > You are as young as you feel. :) Yeah. V > I agree. > Uh... TMI again [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Some men are not too happy dealing with it down there after they have > wet that whistle, dig? Are you worried about "some men" or do you know this about YOUR HUSBAND? It is an entirely useless worry if it does not apply to your husband. >> I agree. >> Uh... TMI again [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > Are you worried about "some men" or do you know this about YOUR HUSBAND? > It is an entirely useless worry if it does not apply to your husband. It applies to him. Although I don't think he is alone in this. Many men get grossed out if there is even a chance they could taste themselves. Vickie >...Many men get grossed out if there is even a chance they could taste >themselves. It only takes one encounter to learn that we don't taste nearly as yummy as you all. Fortunately, a nice warm, damp wash cloth can usually make things tolerable. ________________________ Whatever it takes. >> ...Many men get grossed out if there is even a chance they could >> taste themselves. > > It only takes one encounter to learn that we don't taste nearly as > yummy as you all. Fortunately, a nice warm, damp wash cloth can > usually make things tolerable. THAT is a matter of opinion! > ________________________ > Whatever it takes. >>...Many men get grossed out if there is even a chance they could taste >>themselves. > > It only takes one encounter to learn that we don't taste nearly as yummy > as you all. Fortunately, a nice warm, damp wash cloth can usually make > things tolerable. For you perhaps, for others it is just the idea of being in the area where some may linger no matter how tidy, it ain't going to happen. Anyway, if that is his "thing", I would not pressure him into doing something he would rather not do. Vickie >>>>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message >>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 119 lines] >Some men are not too happy dealing with it down there after they have wet >that whistle, dig? Understandable. Not all men however. >I think I am limited to foreplay for satisfaction and that kind of sucks >because I feel rushed before and sometimes during it. You both could focus on the foreplay. You could have desert first, and then it could be mutual - so in essense you may get a second helping. And having had yours first, you could also focus more on him, yes? This is where open and loving communication is awesome because as things change for you both, you can talk abouot it and have fun finding what works for you both - together! And that is a good thing. :) >>>Anyway, I guess I won't know until I communicate with him. >> [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > >V >>>>>>>> "Stephanie" <haaa@noway.net> wrote in message snip >>Uh... TMI again >>. [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > then it could be mutual - so in essense you may get a second helping. > And having had yours first, you could also focus more on him, yes? Right. Lately though it has taken more time for me to get to that place with him. That's why I have been enjoying myself. Besides, I am not sure he needs to focus all that much on *me* when it is a time that *he* initiated sex. As far as focusing on him, I think I do a really good job of that. :-) We have had some open conversations about sex before. Certain things are just harder to bring up. Vickie snip <Space added in front of what might turn out to be graphic comments> . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . > Quality over quantity yes. > Quality with quantity even better. Vickie, I'm going to cut to the chase here. At the stage you are in your life and your now fine knowledge of the workings of your body I think you should be having as many orgasms as you want and physically can, *each* and *every* time you have sex with your husband. The fact that you aren't and your husband doesn't know this suggests to me he's never learned to be interested enough in your satisfaction. Now that might be because you trained him not to be or he could just be a selfish lover. Or it could be a combination of both. We often hear how it's perfectly fine for a woman not to want to orgasm every time she has sex. The reverse of this is that it's also perfectly fine if she asks that both of them do their best to make sure she has as many as she would like to have, with a *minimum* of one every single time, if that is what she'd like. None of this hit and miss "You didn't quite make it before I did? Oh well, there's always next time, I suppose" nonsense! If he hasn't a great deal of control over when he orgasms (and ejaculates |
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