Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / July 2009

I think this is good, and I am interested in knowing what happens if
E. A. tries it.  

This is one of those sensible things that works with some people
(e.g. your husband) but not with other people (e.g. my wife).

Heh... I think this idea is actually kind of a cute way to handle things.
I keep going back and thinking of that silly book I've been reading lately.
It's called "How to get your husband to talk to you" and it's by a pair of
ladies - one is Connie and the other is Nancy, I think.
There's one part in the book that says to speak your husband's language.
Use words that he knows and understands.  Put things in a way that he will
understand them.  I'm not meaning treat him like an idiot, just choose words
carefully and paint a picture that he actually gets.
If he's the kind of guy that is business-oriented and can relate to
schedules, meetings, etc., then work with that.  That book also says to kind
of have a little bit of fun if you're bringing up something that is on your
mind, as being completely serious and straight-faced often can seem like
nagging and mothering.  For a small example, if it drives you crazy that he
takes his socks off and shoves them IN the couch, rather than going on about
how you HATE pulling HIS dirty, smelly, gross socks out from between the
couch cushions and from now on you're NOT going to do it and he's going to
soon find he has no clean socks, it's better said something like, "You know,
honey, I think we might need to get a new couch.  The one we have keeps
eating dirty laundry!  I keep finding your socks shoved in it!  If it
wouldn't be too much to ask, try to keep your socks away from the couch.
That piece of furniture will just keep eating them!" or something that is
kind of funny that won't get him all defensive right off the bat.  "Stop
putting your damn socks in the damn couch when you take them off!  There's a
laundry basket RIGHT OVER THERE!" is going to get him all on the defense
right away.
With anything, watch words and I do find lately by putting things at him in
ways he can relate and understand is much better than an attack.  I do like
this idea of bringing business out and playing with it a little!  Depending
on the guy, however ;)

Another thing that might be fun is to steal his cell phone for a few minutes
when he's in the shower or something.  Put in some kind of entry - in the
alarm clock area of the phone or in the calendar as a reminder date/time.
Put a little entry in there that says something like, "Hope you're having a
good day!  It's 1030am and I'm thinking of you ;)" or something and set it
to go off as a reminder at that time.  Start doing small and little things
to get things going.
N left his phone at the top of the basement stairs last week (along with his
wallet and sunglasses) when he went to work.  I found the phone on the floor
and found the battery was as dead as can be so I put it on the charger for a
little.  I then put in an event for something like 1145 that morning and put
in something like the above of thinking of you, I love you - or whatever.  I
had the phone set to go off when I knew he'd have the phone.  I set a second
one 5 minutes later as well ;)
I actually made it to drop off his phone, wallet and sunglasses with no more
than 10 minutes to spare before the event rang on his phone.  I was going
right near his job site anyways so it wasn't out of my way, and with the
phone and stuff, I dropped off some iced cappuccinos for him and the rest of
the guys on the job site.  I then left and a few mins later he sends me a
text message right after he got the reminder I put on his phone.

So to stop rambling at nearly midnight here, have you tried taking the first
steps?  Try and do a little extra to grab his attention?  Even if it's
wearing a pair of earrings he bought you or a pair of pants he's mentioned
that he likes on you...  Little things he can notice (or you can point out
to him if he doesn't notice without making him feel like a total jerk)  I've
found doing the little things - a small note in his lunch box, even, are
things he notices and seems to appreciate and with that, I do often get a
little more attention or time with him!

If that makes any sense... If not, I blame it on the clock here that has
just struck midnight...

I think that's good. I tried the same, and I believe the concept can
work!

LMFAO