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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / December 2005Sex toy with wife
I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with a rubber doll. I thought that was a good argument and did not pursue it further. Do you think it is a dead issue or is it worth raising it again? I originally pitched it as a thing for her. Do you think her reaction would be different if I told her that it was for me in the sense that it is a "safe" way of exploring a fantasy of her having sex with a stranger? >I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she >would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >it is a "safe" way of exploring a fantasy of her having sex with a >stranger? That would freak me out. Not the introduction of a "toy" but the "sex w/stranger" part. >>I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she >>would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > That would freak me out. Not the introduction of a "toy" but the "sex > w/stranger" part. If we were meant to fly in airplanes, we wouldn't have been given feet to walk on. If we were meant to use dildos, we wouldn't have been supplied with the real thing. Really though, why do you want her to use it? Why is it so important to you? would you prefer, deep down, that it was a stranger and not you in bed with her? If you wanted a similar appliance for your own fantasies, I would understand. Why not just hire a male prostitute for her? It might be more expensive, but it would certainly be more realistic. In short, love your wife. If the idea of the dildo upsets her, don't raise the subject again. If she is looking forward to a fantasy of some kind, encourage that because you want her to be happy. But don't force on her a fantasy of your own that she doesn't want. Doug L.  SignatureRegistered Linux User No. 277548. My true email address has hotkey for myaccess. Love, even the love of God, is only mediated through persons. - Leslie Weatherhead. >>>I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she >>>would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Doug L. To my way of thinking, it is almost the same as the most dog-eared case in the English Law Reports in the Law School library, usually called Lord Audley's case (1631), summarized in a more readable form at http://www.infopt.demon.co.uk/touchet.htm I am still trying to work out what Court it was in. Probably the House of Lords, although the Steward and not the Lord Chancellor presided. Doug L. SignatureRegistered Linux User No. 277548. My true email address has hotkey for myaccess. The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'. - Unknown. >...Do you think it is a dead issue or is it worth raising it >again? [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >it is a "safe" way of exploring a fantasy of her having sex with a >stranger? No, it isn't necessarily a dead issue. And yes, her reaction would be different, if she new the truth: she might cram that dildo down your throat. That particular fantasy doesn't make any sense to me, but you are free to explore it. How did you select that particular dildo? Women are all different, of course, but I suggest you give the dildo a name. HA! Call it "Dr. D." That way you two can make jokes about whether or not the doctor is in! LOL! Make certain the dildo is always present and get permission to use it on her. Go slow, and make certain lubrication is not a problem. Simultaneously, use your tongue to stimulate her sweet spot (clitoris). That ought to melt the dildo ice. Once you think she might be enjoying the dildo, slow down and then leave it. Let your hands find something else to play with; such as her breast. Look for a sign that she'd like for you to get back to the dildo. Tell her you're too busy, but put her strong hand on it and keep it there. Let her see that motions she can make with Dr. D. feel at least as good as motions you can make with Dr. D. Once she realizes it is just a tool/toy, and not an evil thing, she is apt to be far more accepting of it. Always lavish her with affection, and thank her for bravely trying something daunting. Later, go online and let her shop for a dildo she'd like better. Experience is something you don't get--until just after you need it. this was a great response as I'm having a similar situation ... I'll take some of your advice and work on this more. Thanx Michael. Spidey >>...Do you think it is a dead issue or is it worth raising it >>again? [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > > Experience is something you don't get--until just after you need it. >this was a great response as I'm having a similar situation ... I'll take >some of your advice and work on this more. Thank you; I try hard. When I met my wife, she was seven years young, but had had several times the number of sex partners I'd had. As usual, they had merely been a series of mechanical episodes. Consequently, she knew very little about letting go, and enjoying her own self. That isn't too odd because most of us feel comfortable doing certain things privately, alone, but balk at doing the same thing with their mate. We never used a dildo, but did use a vibrator. I think she nearly jumped out of the bed, the first time I turned it on! :-) She was obviously reluctant initially, but patience and persistence led to good times. But this brings me to an important point that I need to talk about. In previous post, referring to whatever toy, I said, "put her strong hand on it and keep it there." Please, don't think I suggesting doing anything at all by force. What I am saying is that sometimes we all have to be forced out of our comfort zone: never kicked out, but drawn out. Your partner might say "I'm not going to handle that thing!" But just holding her hand on it, will usually break the ice. Actually, its not too different from first encounters with the real thing! :-) Unlike the OP, I didn't have any fantasy to satisfy: I just didn't have enough hands. :-) "Have fun storming the castle!" --Princess Bride Experience is something you don't get--until just after you need it. > I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she > would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > it is a "safe" way of exploring a fantasy of her having sex with a > stranger? she doesn't sound like any fun at all. :p really maybe you should have talkd about the sect toy before you bought it you kould get her a hitachi wand. :D SignatureMy imaginary account of being in Oz http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ >> I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that she >> would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have sex with [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > you kould get her a hitachi wand. :D I've hear wonderful things about the jackrabbit, but they are very expensive. > > > I recently purchased a dildo for use with my wife. She said that > > > she would not have sex with it. She argued that I would not have [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > -- My imaginary account of being in Oz > > http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ I had one didn't like it SignatureMy imaginary account of being in Oz http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ |
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