Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / April 2006

Well, suuuure.... yours is still bright and perfect - the shine hasn't worn
off yet...

Tai
(running fast and scared......)

Where do the patients sleep, if not in beds? I can tell you from up front
and personal experience that those beds get *nasty*, and yes, you have to
glove up. Wedding bands are ok, rings with stones typically are not because
they can snag a glove-yes, even just "changing sheets." When I did a round
of clinicals, it was facility policy that rings with protruding stones had
to go on a short chain around our necks and under our scrubs.

I think her rings are something visible you can point to and say "I'm secure
because I don't see you wearing your rings and that makes me nervous that
maybe you're taking those rings off because you don't feel as committed to
our marriage anymore." I don't think it's her wearing the rings themselves
that's making you twitch.

Jess

And everything to do with infection control.

If you don't think the housekeeping staff
are even MORE paranoid about gloving than
most of the others...

(shakes head)

Realize that stripping the sheets from a
patient's bed is *not* a pleasant task,
even if they look clean!

(snorts)

Matt, my wife is in the hospital, likely
for another week to 10 days, and I do pay
attention to a lot of the "systems" that
are in place.  Additionally, I have
*worked* in health-care, primarily in IT
gigs, the key of these on a bedside
charting system, which was placed WHERE
the patients are, so I'm more aware of
the paranoia needed in this field.

Even subacute care is pretty demanding
of close attention to infection control.

I don't think you'd be happy if she wore
her ring and brought home MRSA.

I'm paranoid, all right?  And I spent a
lot of time being paranoid about the
WRONG things.  I suggest, if possible,
that you look for a therapist who likes
"cognitive behavioral therapy" so that
you start looking at your *own* context
and stop to figure out *why* you have
the emotional reactions you're having.

I'll tell you right here and right now
that this alone did the most for me in
getting what passes for a mind on a more
even keel...  even though, as a sailor,
I really like it when the boat leans.

Missed this thread! I agree with Sheila and Ellie.

DH never takes his ring off. Part of that is sentimentalism; part of it
is pure convenience and the fact he has big knuckles, and a very large
part is because he's notorious for misplacing his car keys and wallet -
in the house.  He doesn't believe in jewelry boxes like I do!

I take my rings off every night - it's a set and you can't wear one
without the other, but I also took my engagement ring off every night
too. For one thing, it's uncomfortable to have it on - like wearing a
bra to bed. For another, it's loose on my finger and I can't sleep with
it on because I keep thinking it'll fall off in the night. I have
contemplated getting it resized, but the reality is that I'm
premenopausal and my ring size changes daily. Once you resize downward,
it's difficult to resize back upward.

And on principle I don't like to shower or wash dishes with it because
it gets all scuzzy or I worry about it washing down the drain, which
for me would be absolutely horrible because my ring is *not*
replaceable! It's a family heirloom, unlike Shiela I do get attached to
some objects esp heirlooms,  so I am verrrry careful not to loose it.
So what happens is that I barely wear it while at home - but then again
I don't wear any jewelry at home or to bed either. In fact, I'm also
considering not even taking it on our honeymoon, for fear I'll lose it
in the ocean.

Because I'm apt to take it on and off, the other day i went out and
forgot to put it on because I was in a rush. I realized it belatedly,
and then spent the whole day feeling like my finger was naked. But it
wasn't because I was worried some guy might take that as meaning I was
single or that I felt somehow less married!  It was more like how I'd
feel if I ran out of the house wearing a dress or suit with house
slippers. I felt underdressed!

I think if you're *that* concerned about having some permanent outward
sign on your body that you're married, then you should go and get your
finger tattooed. I don't worry about the outward signs because inside I
know I'm married.

As for the OP, if his DW doesn't want to appear married, it's simple
enough to switch her ring from one had to the other.  Lots of women
wear right-hand rings these days. And at any rate, most guys at a bar
aren't going to give two figs if a woman is wearing a ring or not -
they'll still approach her. Some will think she's an easier/safer
target if she appears unhappily married, or married but cruising for a
no-commitment fling.

If she's routinely not wearing it out with her friends, but wears it
outside the house at other times, my guess is either:

1) She's trying to make a statement to her DH she's unhappy with her
marriage and already one foot out the door - but note,   that is not
*quite* the same as sending single signals to men (which she can just
as easily do by switching the ring to the other hand). Since she's
wearing it at other times, it does seem to me like a huge cry for
attention from her hubby more than anything else.

2) She doesn't like the ring.

jen