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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / March 2006liars
my husband is a compulsive liar... I have tried to stay and work things out but they lies keep coming.. and all he can do is whine because I don't trust him and he says he has earned my trust... hmm what do you think.. here is the latest situation.. I was watching Oprah the other day and it was about finances... so it got me to thinking.. I really have no control or knowledge of our finances... so I went to my husbands office and looked through our invoices and saw a credit card that I knew nothing about. On there was a charge for $37 for a meal at the Cheesecake Factory. I was stumped.. so I asked my husband first about the card.. he said.. I told you about that.. I got it a long time ago... I checked it out.. NOPE..it was not even three months prior that he got this card... and NO he did NOT tell me about it. He also said it only had a $100 limit.. turns out it has $300 limit. Anyway.. so I asked him about the meal at Cheesecake and why he didn't put it on the regular card that I have access to and can see the invoice online since it is associated with my account. His reason.. he didn't have enough money in that account and decided to be sure he would put it on this credit card. I thought it was fishy..and I confronted him on it..but he insisted that he was being truthful! Well I decided to do some investigating as my instincts were telling me that this just didn't sound right... well I came to find out.. that on that day in question and the days surrounding it..he had over $2000 in the bank..so LIE #1 I also found out there was a charge that same day for a "City Soup" restaurant.. hmm so did he have lunch twice? LIE #2 secret credit card LIE# 3 so a few days later we get an invoice in the mail for this same credit card.. and wouldn't you know it.. he opened it and put it somewhere before I had a chance to look at it... so I emailed him at work and asked where it was.. he said up with the other ones in his office.. WRONG.. the other ones are there but not that one.. it is nowhere to be found... so am I paranoid... or suspicious as he claims I am or what is your take on this situation? AM > my husband is a compulsive liar... > [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > AM What do you think might be going on? It sounds like you're suspicious of something. well he has given me plenty of reason to be suspicious. I don't know what he is doing but obviously it is something he didn't want me to know about. tonight he is going to a "work party" where spouses are not allowed... I am uncomfortable with it.. but I have no choice in the matter.. he has worked at his current job for 3 years and I have not met any of his workmates. He says it is not necessary for me to know the people he works with. he has lied about so many things that I can no longer be objective when he tells me something.. that is why I related this issue here to see what others think.. AM >> my husband is a compulsive liar... >> [quoted text clipped - 53 lines] > What do you think might be going on? It sounds like you're suspicious > of something. > well he has given me plenty of reason to be suspicious. > I don't know what he is doing but obviously it is something he didn't want [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > AM I"m still curious about what *you* think is going on. Well the only thing I can think of is he is a) out drinking (drinking is a deal breaker for us) b) entertaining someone he shouldn't be (he has gone to lunch in the past, with a female and didn't tell me about it. I found out because she sent a thank you note to our home) I don't think people lie for no reason.. they lie to hide something.. I don't claim to know what it is that he is hiding but he is going through a lot of trouble to do so. AM >> well he has given me plenty of reason to be suspicious. >> I don't know what he is doing but obviously it is something he didn't [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] >> > I"m still curious about what *you* think is going on. > Well the only thing I can think of is he is a) out drinking (drinking is a > deal breaker for us) b) entertaining someone he shouldn't be (he has gone to [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > AM People learn to lie for various reasons, and unfortunately, it often goes back to childhood and has little to do with the relationship. On a personal level, my husband learned from his mother, that it was far easier to lie than to tell the truth. This followed him into our marriage and for many year, my husband lied (assuming I was his mother) and has gotten him into a lot of trouble. If drinking is a deal breaker and he's hiding spending money; especially at places where alcohol is served, then perhaps your gut feeling is right; he's drinking. Regarding another woman, do you think he is cheating? If it's either of the two you can approach him and ask directly. You can bring him into counseling with you. You can hire a detective to follow him around. Unfortunately, if a person hasn't learned how to be honest, it does create manyproblems in a relationship. well I have asked him directly.. but seeing as he is a liar of course he denies everything.. but his alibis/excuses/reasons for the credit card and the lunch etc.. don't pan out and are not logical and he just keeps sticking to his story...even though I have it in black and white.. with print outs from our bank statement... isn't it a liars credo to .. deny deny deny? AM > If it's either of the two you can approach him and ask directly. You > can bring him into counseling with you. You can hire a detective to > follow him around. Unfortunately, if a person hasn't learned how to be > honest, it does create manyproblems in a relationship. > well he has given me plenty of reason to be suspicious. > I don't know what he is doing but obviously it is something he didn't [quoted text clipped - 59 lines] > > What do you think might be going on? It sounds like you're > > suspicious of something. why dont you go to his work? or go to the party?  SignatureMy imaginary account of being in Oz http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ I don't go to his work because you need a key card to enter his building for one... and what am I going to do.. just show up? LOL besides he works about 30 mins from here and I have no transportation... as for showing up at the party.. I have the flu right now..and children to look after.... and again.. its near his job and I have no transportation... AM > why dont you go to his work? > > or go to the party? so dont let him go to the party, let him look after you and the kids > I don't go to his work because you need a key card to enter his building for > one... and what am I going to do.. just show up? LOL [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > > > or go to the party? that is not an option.. he went there right after work...didnt come home! > so dont let him go to the party, let him look after you and the kids >I don't go to his work because you need a key card to enter his building for >one... and what am I going to do.. just show up? LOL >besides he works about 30 mins from here and I have no transportation... > >as for showing up at the party.. I have the flu right now..and children to >look after.... and again.. its near his job and I have no transportation... Sounds like you guys have bigger problems then just lying. How is the rest of the relationship? To me having a husband tell me that there's no reason for me to know anyone he works with then him going out partying with those people would be a much bigger problem then the credit card deal. The credit card thing may or may not be serious, who knows. Maybe he's really hiding something, or maybe he's feeling resentful or defensive because the rest of the relationship isn't going well, and he's just being a butthead protesting you asking him about things. Sometimes people lie for a reason, other times they get into stupid power struggles with their spouses and cut their nose off to site their face. > > I don't go to his work because you need a key card to enter his > > building for one... and what am I going to do.. just show up? LOL [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > power struggles with their spouses and cut their nose off to site > their face. True, my X never wanted me around his work. They always had dinners and parties and spouses were supposedly never invited. He wasn't doing anything but just being an a.s to me. SignatureMy imaginary account of being in Oz http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ > I don't go to his work because you need a key card to enter his > building for one... and what am I going to do.. just show up? LOL [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > > > or go to the party? why do you not have any transportation? How many kids do you have and what ages? Do you work outside the home? SignatureMy imaginary account of being in Oz http://mspoopiepants.blogspot.com/ |
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