Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / May 2006

Text on a process of change that I want to share with the group. It's
very much like the process of changing things about myself that I go
through relatively often.

You can find a the full text at the link below. It has a lot more then
I copied and pasted below, including a few specific technique
http://www.habitsmart.com/motivate.htm

PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE.
This is not so much a stage of change as a prelude to the formal
stages. Precontemplation is when people with habit problems do not
recognize, or are unconcerned, with the problem. A smoker may be so
busy with his vocation that the constant hacking cough doesn't distract
him enough to consider it a significant problem.

CONTEMPLATIVE STAGE
Miller and Rollnick (1991) state that what frequently jars people into
the next stage, that of contemplating the possibility of change, is
convincing, personal and timely information--not coercion or even
advice. People not yet contemplating change are not particularly open
to advice, much less confrontation.

DETERMINATION STAGE
This is a transition period between shifting the balance in favor of
change and getting things moving in the that direction. Many people
have fleeting moments of determination that swiftly vanish when all of
the horrors involved come back into awareness. Determination will lead
directly into action if you have thoroughly considered all aspects of
your addictive problem realistically, if you have begun to modify
expectancies and have established a goal what is conducive to your
individual needs and values.

ACTION STAGE
It is truly remarkable what people are capable of doing once
sufficiently motivated and invested in a realistic goal. I have
witnessed many people in awe over their inherent ability to change once
they have removed barriers and have allowed themselves to tap into
existing strengths.

MAINTENANCE STAGE
To maintain changes, one must have practiced living a less harmful
lifestyle until doing so becomes automatic. As I said, some people may
need to go through the stages several times before lasting change
occurs. Not only is this is okay, it's customary.

RELAPSE

One of the most significant problems with the 12-step treatment model
is the all-or-none manner in which relapses are construed. Regardless
of the intensity, slips and relapses have always been viewed as
failure, falling off the wagon, time to "start over."

I prefer to look at relapse in terms of degree. It is just so much more
humane. To change addictive behavior is to learn how to behave
differently in certain situations--in essence, no different than
learning any other complex skill. How inappropriate it would be to have
a no tolerance attitude during the toilet training of a two-year old.
Imagine a "relapse", for example a wet bed after several weeks of
dryness, being conceptualized as a failure. Slips and setbacks are a
part of learning. In fact an integral part. It is through our mistakes
that we learn where we need to put most of our efforts in the future.

If you're stillinterested in the text, here's that link again:
http://www.habitsmart.com/motivate.htm