Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / November 2006

Hello Paul,

What do you think would make you feel better about all of this?

Temily

And you must figure those images are still with her, too? Folly!

It is not difficult to understand your hurt, disappointment, disgust and
so forth, but let's face it, holding a grudge this intense for 34 years
(no end in sight) is truly harmful.

Most of us do some pretty crappy things in our lives. You knew she was
passed among your "buddies" and you still married her. I wonder why. Did
you pity her? Were you fascinated by such a hot girl? You described your
attraction as "f.cking love" and that might explain much of the problem.

I don't know what your wife was seeking or trying to prove, but decades
of being married to you proves one thing: YOU'RE THE MAN! My point is,
I'm not trying to minimize what she did, but it was a long time ago, and
she is a different person now. It is time for you to be different, too.

I really like  Temily's question! "What do you think would make you feel
better about all of this?"

I almost asked if there is anything she could do to earn your
forgiveness, but then I read, "She has since turned into a beautiful
caring woman through out the years.and will do anything for me." Why
can't you do the same for her?

I can't help wondering why it is more important for you to hang on to
those "images", than to let go. Maybe you actually like those images?
Maybe "sloppy seconds" had some appeal to you during those days? The
time to raise hell and work this out was 34 years ago. Now its time to
get over it! Its time to be a man! And you've got to be a real man to
pass by something like this. Are you man enough. If you honestly believe
she still has a craving for "some strange sex", use your imagination
[which is evidently quite fertile] and be the man to provide "some
strange sex."

You said, "i cant love her till i forget the past." I first thought of
shock therapy or maybe a lobotomy, but maybe you just need a change of
heart.

Please, don't squander the next 34 years.

________________________
Whatever it takes.

-snip-

Is your issue with your wife (today, or 34 years ago), or with yourself
and what you did or didn't do?

If you haven't resolved this issue on your own in 34 years, then it is
time to seek professional assistance.  If you let it go on, and gain
new strength now that you are retired, it will only destroy you or what
ever joy you have managed to produce in your life.

FWIW, you may be feeling angry, and use this betray from decades ago to
justify it.  However, anger is often a weapon that we use to open the door
to even more unwholesome behavior.

Please find a counselor, without your wife, for now.

Good luck,
Larry G.
LAMPS
www.loveandmarriageseminars.com