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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / February 2007Confused... Husband Cheated Again
I am confused & really dont know what to do. My husband a foreigner, he is 58 and Im 38. We have been married for about 4 yrs (his second marriage), with one child & now living in Malaysia. In yr 2005, I found out that my husband had an affair with a lady in Jakarta. He met this lady, Mrs U, thru bus meetings & started exchanging loving emails, long phone calls, sms plus a trip with her in a hotel which I found out only after. We had quarel & I called Mrs U telling her that Im his wife. We worked things out (so I thought) & he promised not to repeat. My daughter loves to meddle with his lap top & accidently I saw his email to her, saying that I am only a companion!!! & how much he misses her & want to be with her. Not only that, at the same time I saw his loving emai to another girl in Shanghai!! on their romantic moment in the country side last year. I didnt bring this up to him, coz I do not want a fight & hoping that he will change. Early this year 2007, I received a phone call from a lady, wanted to find out if I am really his wife. She sent me an email, telling about their affair. He is a charmer with every women. But serious at home. He doesnt show his affection to me after we got married. Im abt 20 yrs younger than him & I was an athlete (marathon runner) before, quit my job for our family. I am affectionate, a very jovial person & I love to spoil my husband, which he doesn't know how to return. I am confused & hurt, esp if I look at my daughter's eye, how he has betrayed us. Questions keep bugging me, why did he lie? Or shall I just end this marriage & continue with my life. A fren told me A Cheater will always be a Cheater, that he will cheat again.. >I am confused & hurt, esp if I look at my daughter's eye, how he has >betrayed us. Questions keep bugging me, why did he lie? Because he knew you wouldn't be pleased if he told the truth. >Or shall I just end this marriage & continue with my life. Stay married to him, but don't give him any more sex. He's obviously getting it elsewhere anyway. >A fren told me A Cheater will always be a Cheater, that he will cheat again.. One good cheat deserves another. Start having your own affairs. What an assanine response LK. Stay married to that betrayer and that teaches her daughter what? Don't give him more sex and that's supposed to fill her need for affection and intimacy how? Start having your own affairs? You're one sick dude. PoPs >>I am confused & hurt, esp if I look at my daughter's eye, how he has >>betrayed us. Questions keep bugging me, why did he lie? [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > One good cheat deserves another. Start having your own affairs. > <snip your #3 post> >>> <snip noor's original text> >> <snip Larry's #2 text> --------------------------- Pops, as you can see from the above, noor was the original poster (OP), and Larry was the second, yet the text of Larry's post was below that of noor's, thus the phrase -- bottom posting. To be consistent and to comport with proper nettiquette, your text should also bottom post... that is place your text below Larry's. Top posting (placing text above the quoted post(s) is certainly allowed, but its frowned upon when you are responding to bottom-posted text. IOW, it helps us comprehension-challenged readers not to have to read the series as #3, #1, #2, and try to place it in context. ... Just my 2 cents. =R= > <snip> > I am confused & hurt, esp if I look at my daughter's eye, > how he has betrayed us. Questions keep bugging me, why > did he lie? Or shall I just end this marriage & continue with > my life. A friend told me A Cheater will always be a Cheater, > that he will cheat again. Maybe he lied because he's good at it and thought you would not catch him a 2nd time, but "why" doesn't really matter. What matters is that now you know the truth. Your friend is correct. Can a leopard change his spots? He cheated on you once, and you let it go; now he's cheating again. If you let it go again, then you will have made a choice to live with being one of his harem. I thnk that the expression, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," applies here. =R= > > <snip> > > I am confused & hurt, esp if I look at my daughter's eye, [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," > applies here. =R= The thing is would there be any chance that he will ever change? He is 58. He told me before we got maried, that his first wife had affairs (3x) & she walked out from their marriage. I love him (so I think) & hating him at the same time. I came from a good family background, marriage is a committment. >> >A friend told me A Cheater will always be a Cheater, >> > that he will cheat again. > The thing is would there be any chance that he will ever > change? Your friend said, no, and I said, "Your friend is correct." Ask the question again, ask it as many times as you like, but the answer will still be no. He has shown by his own conduct that he has no intention of changing. Well, there is a chance... There is a chance that he could suffer a stroke and be left a mental vegetable. There is a chance that he could be hit by a bus and be left paralyzed from the neck down. Take those chances, continue to disbelieve us, as it seems prefer... But you are the one who is being played for a fool and you are the one who will have to live with your decision to let that be. =R= >I am confused & really dont know what to do. My husband a foreigner, >he is 58 and Im 38. We have been married for about 4 yrs (his second [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] >just end this marriage & continue with my life. A fren told me A >Cheater will always be a Cheater, that he will cheat again.. Set an example for your daughter, that it's not necessary to accept unacceptable behavior in a spouse. Otherwise she may one day experience the same situation you are going through. > I am confused & really dont know what to do. What are you confused about? Your options are to stay or leave. If you stay, things will remain the same and he will not change. You have already stayed once and things have not changed, correct? So, what are you confused about? -- Anita -- > > I am confused & really dont know what to do. > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > -- Anita -- I have a little daughter. She is only 2 yrs +. My concern is only her. > I have a little daughter. She is only 2 yrs +. My concern is only > her. > I have a little daughter. She is only 2 yrs +. My concern is only > her. I'm sorry. You had my sympathy until you stated your only concern is for your daughter. Staying in a marriage with a man that treat you with MUCH disrespect because its best for your daughter is crap. The best thing for your daughter is YOUR good mental health and your happiness. For your daughter, having a unhappy mother that hates her life sucks! Dump the a.shole and figure out what is best for YOU. Take care of yourself and your daughter needs will fall in line also. EB > I have a little daughter. She is only 2 yrs +. > My concern is only her. There are plenty of kids who grow up in single-parent homes. Sure, its not easy and there will be issues, but its better that her mother have some self-respect, than none. How will you teach her about self-respect? Quit grasping at straws and get some counselling to find out why you are willing to remain part of his harem. And guess what that means: Unless he uses condoms /all/ the time with his women and with you, you are also sleeping with every whore that he does... What will you tell you daughter about why mommy has an STD? =R= > > > I am confused & really dont know what to do. > > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I have a little daughter. She is only 2 yrs +. My concern is only > her. Get yourself a decent lawyer....dump the guy and make sure you're both well provided for...This will hit where it hurts....$$$ >I am confused & really dont know what to do. My husband a foreigner, > he is 58 and Im 38. We have been married for about 4 yrs (his [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > just end this marriage & continue with my life. A fren told me A > Cheater will always be a Cheater, that he will cheat again.. Although it's not always true that a cheater will always be a cheater, it's a pretty good bet. And in this case, the guy hasn't just cheated once because he got caught off guard. As bad and despicable as that is, this guy cheats as a matter of course. It's not what he's done, or even what he does. It's who he is. Dump the loser.  SignatureNOTICE: I regard everything which anyone posts in Usenet as nothing more than a work of fiction with no basis in fact or reality whatsoever. Every comment in every one of my posts is nothing more than a useless opinion or a wild speculation, and must never be taken seriously or as having any positive value to anyone for any reasons. I never assume that there's any more to a story than what I have read, no matter what else the author or anyone else may have posted anywhere. Be advised that my remarks are that of an ignorant layperson, and no one should ever base their decisions upon them under any circumstances. |
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