Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / July 2007

Seriously, Vickie's right that some sort of medical evaluation for
depression would be a good idea.  It's not a bad place to start... not
a bad thing to at least try to rule out.  What you describe... nothing
really wrong but gloom, etc., sound like textbook depression, at least
in some ways.

Well, you've packed quite a lot of childbearing and rearing into you life up
until now. How old's your youngest child? I can remember a point when I was
finally able to stop and catch my breath and realise there were other things
I wanted to do now that I had (a little more) time.

I'll add my voice to those posters who've suggested you take yourself off to
your doctor to be assessed. Get a full physical exam and have your iron,
thyroid etc. checked, and have yourself assessed for depression, as well.

The female equivalent to the male "mid life event"?

Buy a red sports car. :)

Life is a passage. We often feel sad leaving a part of the
of a journey behind us. Often the opposite is true. We look
forward to the next part.

Gray hair, changes in your own body and the changes of
your life are the reality. It is hard to believe that anyone would
"look forward" to those realities. Yet I can assure you that what
is to come can be the best part of the entire journey.

Seeing a doc to be screened for possible causes does not
mean popping pills, its merely a smart thing to do to rule out
a need for medical treatment and consider your options.  It
may be that you can wait-it-out and it will pass, but IMHO,
your reluctance to seek treatment may be symtomatic and
prolong your malaise.

I will tell you that I did anti-depressants 2x in my life, once
in my early 40's when the proverbial mid-life crisis hit me
hard, and the next seven years later, during a divorce. Both
were situational, that is acute episodes, and I was extremely
thankful that this medication helped me to function normally.

 =R=

You spent the first part of your life doing what you were told to do,
going to school, etc. Then you spent the next part of your life doing
what you had to do - diapering babies, wiping noses, building a career
and a home. That chapter is starting to close, as your kids become
more independent. What's next? The next phase is the most exciting
phase! It's when you get to do what you WANT to do!!!!

The trouble is, you're not sure what you want to do! That's why the
thought of retiring seems to be one long endless yawn. You hunger for
drama and risk... that is your heart searching to find what it wants.

Try making a list of things you want to do before you die. For
example, high on my list is traveling and seeing the world. I put that
off for so long, while I did my "had-to-do's." I'm in my 40s now and
I'm not putting it off any longer. The kids are also the perfect age
to travel with us - which makes it even more fun, to see the world
through their eyes. I also wanted to live in a city - so I bought a
house that is on the city line - close enough that I can get my fix of
city life, but still in an area that has good schools and is family-
friendly.  I'd also like to maybe run a marathon someday, it's not too
late. I really enjoy running - it's on my "want" list. There's a lot
of things on that list, that's just a few of them.

Everyone's list is different. Do you want to own and run your own
company? Become an artist or a musician? See the seven wonders of the
world? Go sky-diving? Learn a new sport? What is on your wanna-do
list?

A lot of people don't get to this point until their 40s or beyond...
for some of us, it just comes sooner. I was about your age when it hit
me, so I can totally relate to what you are going through!!  I'm
turning 42 soon and my kids are now 13 and 14. I look back on the last
5-7 years or so and I'm amazed at how I've shaped my life to do more
and more of what I want to do. You can successfully add in a bit of
things that you want to do, while still balancing it with what you
have to do. Retirement will be a lot of fun - it'll be similar to how
we're living now, only I won't have to work. I may do volunteer work
just for fun though. Probably similar to the work I do now, because I
am doing what I love and not just working because I have to. But even
if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I can say that I really enjoyed this
time in my life and wasn't just waiting around for the future.

So go ahead - create and live the life that you want! The first step
is to dream. Dream big, then put a plan in place to make it happen.

jen

Unlike the rest of us, who are *thrilled* at the idea of psychotropic
meds.

Medically, you might suffer from hypothyroidism, underactive thyroid,
which manifests itself in different ways and can occur at any age.
Over 60 % of the cases are said to go undiagnosed but we women suffer
from it twice as often as men do. Check out a website to see a list of
symptoms, and whether they apply to you.

If you don't think it's a medical problem, I suggest you make an
appointment with a psychologist. You might be so busy that you don't
get enough time for yourself to pinpoint what it is - spending some
time at a counselor's office may cause something to surface from
unconscious (or unexplored) levels...

I personally believe that I'm only as happy as I let myself be. Yes,
bad things happen but I use them as stepping stones. As far as good
things go, I don't expect exterior events/people to stimulate me
("Make me happy!"); I find happiness within myself. And every now and
then, if I feel down/unhappy, I allow myself feel that way. Do you?

I hope it's just a temporary rut. In the meantime, have a Kleenex
moment when you feel like it. Good luck and keep us posted! :)