Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / July 2007

No.  

What does your wife say when you tell her that her lack of interest in
sex is making you unhappy?

I think what you and your wife should do is work on this together.  If
she loves you too, then maybe she will be willing to take seriously
the idea that you are unhappy with your sex life, and be willing to
talk about it, make some changes, and so on.

This can be a really hard thing to talk about, so a couples counselor
might be in order.

On Jul 27, 2:15 pm, seekingandsearch...@hotmail.com wrote:

Well, I am not thinking going outside your marriage is a good idea.  I
guess it depends on how your wife feels about it all.

Vickie

hey you,

I just posted another post regarding a website I just put online..
Maybe it can help a little and can bring some movement into your
dilemma.
Check it out and let me know if it was of any help: http://www.myfantasyalert.com
Regards,

Victoria

On Jul 27, 11:15 pm, seekingandsearch...@hotmail.com wrote:

I agree with Doug - it's important that this be discussed openly, as
there may be a solution that would at least somewhat satisfy (no pun
intended!) you both. If your wife has always been that way with
intimacy, you can't really expect a big change. However, you venturing
out on your own can indeed cause multiple problems and like Doug said,
there might be long-term consequences that damage everything else you
have.

I also believe that as a couple, both parties have a duty to try to
please each other. In this case, your wife might think she's doing
exactly that by "tolerating" your sexual advances. Maybe she doesn't
even realize that it bothers you when she doesn't get into it? There's
nothing wrong per se with either one of you - you just have different
sex drives, and perhaps perceptions of sex itself (sex=good vs.
sex=dirty). I love having sex, and enjoy new 'twists' here and there
so I understand how big of a problem it can be for you. Marriage is a
delicate balance between giving and taking, and it's often challenging
to find the happy median. So again, I believe it's time for
counseling.

On Jul 27, 4:15 pm, seekingandsearch...@hotmail.com wrote:

Really?  My guess is that you both are trying to hide other flaws in
your relationship.

Sex!?  In general, or just with you?

Have either of you ever actually "made love" (real love, not the
overused euphamism for sex), with others?  With each other?

For you, or her, or both of you?

That is very sad!
You both have my sympathies, but they alone will do
you little good.

A problem?  Yes!  Biggest? Probably not.  Discuss this with
a marriage counselor.  After a few sessions, you *may* begin
to identify your other / bigger problems.

Good.  You know what you want and what turns you on.
BUT, do you know what your wife wants and what turns her on?
If not, you have two more important problems:
1. You don't know your wife, and thus have little empathy for her.
2. You have a major communication problem, in that you have
no genuine intimacy.

Is she aware of your desires?  If so, do these desires scare,
disgust, or repell her (turn her off)?

I get the impression that you are a secretive homosexual/bisexual
that is more interested in finding excuses to indulge your secret
fantasies than you are in building a happy marriage.  I further
believe that your wife suspects much the same, and is in denial
about living in a doomed marriage.  Her corpse-like behavior in
bed may be a way to make you out to be the bad guy - secretive
homosexual, potential adulterer, and now virtual necrophiliac!

First, seek a counselor.  Identify whether you are a homosexual
or bisexual.  Then see is you and your wife really have a satisfactory
future together.  (I suspect not, but that is only my guess.)
If you can't both enjoy a full, satisfying life together, then by all
means go your separate ways.  Then, and only then should you
look for others who are more sexually compatible with your desires.

This is a serious response.

Best of luck, whatever you do,
Larry G.
LAMPS
www.loveandmarriageseminars.com