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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / September 2007



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He's off in la-la land...

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xkatx - 19 Sep 2007 05:55 GMT
...ever since we got a new aquarium!
We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to have
found something he can waste time on, but along with that, I can say the
same for me.  Right now as I type this, he's got his arm in the water almost
up to his armpits and he's getting it all ready.  Spent the last couple days
cleaning it together, washing the gravel and making it look all nice and
spiffy.  We both just love the fish and fish tanks, and we're moving all my
cichlids out of the 65gal tank into the 110gal, then putting all the other
small Texas cichlids (all very small babies) and convicts (fairly young
still) into that tank, then putting the boring tropicals into the 65gal.
I've decided that I'll turn one of the small tanks into a tank for the Venus
Fly Trap and see how that goes and then I think we can finally get rid of
all the small 20gal and less tanks.
We're both having fun with this new tank and spending time doing it together
in the evening once the kids are in bed and sleeping for the night.  It's
been a great few days lately that we've had time sitting at home together
doing something we both like to do.  Kind of a pointless post, but it sure
beats all the spam and garbage around here lately, and a positive post (or
anything other than "my relationship sucks" or "I'm a big fat
cheater/(s)he's a big fat cheater")
We have some nice, slow music playing lightly in the background and it's
just kind of nice and fun.  ;)
Doug Anderson - 19 Sep 2007 06:16 GMT
> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
> We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to have
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
> We have some nice, slow music playing lightly in the background and it's
> just kind of nice and fun.  ;)

Sounds like you guys need some snorkel gear!
Tai - 19 Sep 2007 06:50 GMT
> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
> We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to
[quoted text clipped - 20 lines]
> and
> it's just kind of nice and fun.  ;)

Thanks for posting about your happy stuff, xkatx, and I definitely don't
think it's at all pointless!  I love "simple pleasures" kinds of story. :)
deja.blues - 20 Sep 2007 01:47 GMT
> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!

Fish are addictive!
We had indoor aquariums many years ago, but this past spring we built a pond
in our garden, and are now the proud "parents" of six Shubunkin goldfish,
ten freshwater snails,  and various chubs that the kids caught in the creek
out back. The chubs had babies!
Between the growth of the water plants and the fish, it looks like we'll
have to put in another pond next spring.  It's a great hobby, and also very
relaxing. If I'm having a stressful day, going out there to feed the fish
and mess with the plants sets me right in no time.
Hope you and your DH have fun!
Tai - 20 Sep 2007 02:22 GMT
>> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
>
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
> there to feed the fish and mess with the plants sets me right in no
> time.

We were looking at ponds last weekend and are seriously tempted. We were at
a plant nursery and they have tanks of well-grown fish as well as various
molds and rockery arrangements that could be very pleasant. Unfortunately
*first* we have to wreck our backyard and redesign it and we've been having
a lot of trouble getting around to that. (Like about 15 years worth of
procrastination....)  Do you think we'd have to put a grill over a fish pond
because of our and the neighbours' cats? I don't find those very attractive.

I'm also a little worried about creating a mosquito farm because we live
near a creek and get a lot of the nasty little bloodsuckers, particularly at
dusk and into the evening. In the meantime we found a small wall fountain to
go on the wall on our decking to give us some pleasant splashing sounds, at
least! We could probably put a couple of goldfish in it as well.  But then
I'd have to keep it clean... hmmmm...   :)
deja.blues - 20 Sep 2007 03:11 GMT
>>> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
>>
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
> splashing sounds, at least! We could probably put a couple of goldfish in
> it as well.  But then I'd have to keep it clean... hmmmm...   :)

We've had no problems with mosquitos, even with a creek nearby, because the
pond has a filter, pump, and small fountain that we set to run on a timer.
In a small garden-size pond, you need to circulate the water to provide
oxygen to the fish, and mosquitoes will only breed in still water. The fish
would eat the larvae anyway.
A well planned pond doesn't need much cleaning, because your goal is to
create a small ecosystem . As long as everything is in balance, the fish
waste feeds the plants, the plants grow , the fish eat the plant debris, and
snails eat the algae, etc. The sound of the water is very nice indeed.

We put the pond in an ugly dead area in the yard. Nothing would grow there
due to nutrient-sucking roots from swamp maple trees, it was at a weird
angle and was difficult to mow, so basically it was dirt and the odd weed,
in the front of our house to boot!  I took of pics during the process, if
you like, I'll email you the link.

We don't have stray outdoor cats here, but a snapping turtle made its way
from the creek to the neighbors driveway and I was panicked that it wanted
to eat my fish. There are occasional herons in the creek, but they haven't
come up this close. My mother has had a heron and large bullfrogs raid her
pond, and eat a few fish. A grill (I assume this is a metal contraption?)
might not be necessary, she's had luck with tulle netting, the stuff that
bridal veils and ballet costumes are made from, you can buy it in colors
that aren't obtrusive.

Mom was right when she said that I'd lay awake at night worrying about my
fish! :-\
Tai - 20 Sep 2007 04:48 GMT
>>>> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
>>>
[quoted text clipped - 36 lines]
> plant debris, and snails eat the algae, etc. The sound of the water
> is very nice indeed.
Well, okay, I will bear that in mind!

> We put the pond in an ugly dead area in the yard. Nothing would grow
> there due to nutrient-sucking roots from swamp maple trees, it was at
> a weird angle and was difficult to mow, so basically it was dirt and
> the odd weed, in the front of our house to boot!  I took of pics
> during the process, if you like, I'll email you the link.

I'd love to see them, thank you. :)

> We don't have stray outdoor cats here, but a snapping turtle made its
> way from the creek to the neighbors driveway and I was panicked that
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> with tulle netting, the stuff that bridal veils and ballet costumes
> are made from, you can buy it in colors that aren't obtrusive.

Grills do tend to be metal, but I think some people have successfully used
plastic piping and shade cloth frames positioned just under the surface of
the water to make it unobtrusive as possible.

> Mom was right when she said that I'd lay awake at night worrying
> about my fish! :-\

Better them than your children. :))
xkatx - 20 Sep 2007 05:09 GMT
>> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
>
> Fish are addictive!

They are.  We seem to just keep adding and adding, but this new tank is, by
far, the biggest one we've ever had.  It sure beats our current largest (at
home) which is only about 65gal.  We also have 2x20gal and 1x10 at home and
a lousy 5gal one that is kind of not in use.  I also have 2 82gal tanks at
my dad's work in his front office (one full of breeding Texas cichlids, the
other is a dump tank, with everything from a bunch of tinfoil barbs to some
giant feeder goldfish, an ID shark that couldn't stand up to the other one
in the other tank and some other random this'n'thats), and also an unknown
large tank - little smaller than the 82gals - that is split in half - half
water with a bunch of guppies, snails and ghost shrimp, half with soil for
salamanders.  I have also stashed a small 10gal on my dad's desk that has a
lone jewel cichlid.  Another 40ish gal tank has all the very tiny, yet
quickly growing, Texas cichlids in it.  And a giant indoor pond of red eared
slider turtles.  I kind of got way over my head and just didn't have the
room (and also wasn't sure how the home insurance would swallow all those
tanks set up in such a tiny place to have the potential of causing some
massive damage - had a 90gal tank spring a nice leak a number of years back
and ended up with some Oscars nearly the size of dinner plates go belly up
and boy was that a HUGE mess to deal with.  FYI, nearly 90 gallons of water
on the floor = massive disaster lol
Fish are like a bad drug.  Very, very addictive, yet in a good way.

> We had indoor aquariums many years ago, but this past spring we built a
> pond in our garden, and are now the proud "parents" of six Shubunkin
> goldfish, ten freshwater snails,  and various chubs that the kids caught
> in the creek out back. The chubs had babies!

We thought about a pond.  Just a small one.  I have a small pond sitting in
the corner behind my shed in the yard.  It's small, maybe 40 or 50 gallons
at the most, but we've never done anything with it.  We rent, so I'm a bit
hesitant to dig up the yard.  When we move out of here, though, I'll
probably see about starting off with this small pond, and knowing the trend
of any fish fan, it will grow and grow from there hahaha

> Between the growth of the water plants and the fish, it looks like we'll
> have to put in another pond next spring.  It's a great hobby, and also
> very relaxing. If I'm having a stressful day, going out there to feed the
> fish and mess with the plants sets me right in no time.

That's the fun of ponds... They're like tattoos, it seems, or piercings for
some.  You can't seem to stop at just one small one, you just seem to keep
going and going!
I agree about the relaxing thing.  We've had fish tanks in the kids' rooms
and it's a nice, soothing and calming sound.  Like crickets and frogs while
out in the middle of nowhere to be camping.  Only without the grossness of
crickets in your house or frogs jumping around you in your room!  There's
been times I know I've sat staring at the fish for a long time doing nothing
but staring.  Hypnotizing and calming!  I've caught N squatting down at the
tanks doing the same, and the tanks even seem to get the kids calmed down a
fair bit... Turn off the TV, computers, music, whatever, darken the room and
just watch the fish.

> Hope you and your DH have fun!

We are.  We have it all filled, he had some fun putting the slate in
(although he stole a number of large pieces out of the other tank!!) and we
let it run.  We tossed in a dozen or so small feeder goldfish to get it
going and moving faster.  Tap water seems to need little conditioning around
here - I've never bothered with many chemicals or the like with any of my
tanks and have never had a problem.  No feeders have gone to the
toilet-fish-heaven yet, so that's a good thing... Another plus is whatever
goldfish are left when the tank is ready for my cichlids to move in can turn
into big Jack Dempsy fish food :D
S.D. - 20 Sep 2007 16:49 GMT
> sure beats all the spam and garbage around here lately, and a positive post (or
> anything other than "my relationship sucks" or "I'm a big fat
> cheater/(s)he's a big fat cheater")

Couldn't agree more ...

Can't tell folks enough..  find some activity that both can take part in
the learning process... and TV related matter DOES NOT QUALIFY.  

It's important for partners to find some actual activity where they can
rekindle enthusiasm, share ideas, learn and grow, even excite curiosity
in one another.  In our home it's golf, bicycle riding, working out and
gourmet cooking.

Sadly, I suspect that your adventures with the aquarium will subside
once all the basics are achieved; then you all are left to watch; not
unlike a TV.  Then, the mission will once again becomes find something
the two of you can take interest in an grow over time from it.

Signature

SD:)
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.(A.E.)"
  My disclaimer: I can say, but can't make you see...(S.D.)

zorra - 20 Sep 2007 18:47 GMT
> Sadly, I suspect that your adventures with the aquarium will subside
> once all the basics are achieved; then you all are left to watch;
> not
> unlike a TV.

That's not sad!  That's when they get to reap the benefit of all their
hard work!!!

> Then, the mission will once again becomes find something
> the two of you can take interest in an grow over time from it.

Did I miss something?  I wasn't reading too much in this thread since
fish don't interest me, so I guess I missed where xkatx said they had
problems in that area.

Zorra
S.D. - 20 Sep 2007 20:44 GMT
> That's not sad!  That's when they get to reap the benefit of all their
> hard work!!!

Reaping benefits watching while setting, isn't my idea of relationship
benefits, it's my idea of another tv ... just with different moving
things, not unlike a great screen saver.  That's not to say aquariums
aren't beautiful; they are ---- as are koi ponds.  But, still home
projects with conclusions; like redoing the kitchen, bedrooms,
bathrooms, even landscape changes.  

I took notice of this many years back when a few husbands complained to
me about their wife's constant remodeling projects.  Yep, their both
involved, but, neither husband was happy about the involvement for a few
reasons.

As far as I am concerned, home projects of sorts are not nearly as
beneficial to a couple as sharing in a common on going interest that can
develop different levels of interest over time.

> Did I miss something?  I wasn't reading too much in this thread since
> fish don't interest me, so I guess I missed where xkatx said they had
> problems in that area.

Nope ... you missed nothing.
zorra - 20 Sep 2007 22:20 GMT
>> That's not sad!  That's when they get to reap the benefit of all
>> their
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> benefits, it's my idea of another tv ... just with different moving
> things, not unlike a great screen saver.

I think of a fish tank as more like a picture or a figurine -- part of
the decor.  People don't tend to sit there and stare at them.  Or if
they do, it's specifically for the relaxing effect, not something done
for hours at a time out of boredom.

> That's not to say aquariums
> aren't beautiful; they are ---- as are koi ponds.  But, still home
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
> can
> develop different levels of interest over time.

Okay, I see.  Still, it's  good that they were having fun.  Maybe it's
only one of many interests they share.

Zorra

>> Did I miss something?  I wasn't reading too much in this thread
>> since
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
> Nope ... you missed nothing.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe - 20 Sep 2007 18:33 GMT
> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
> We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to have
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
> We have some nice, slow music playing lightly in the background and it's
> just kind of nice and fun.  ;)

This is NOT a pointless post.  This is a nice post.  A VERY nice post.

Kitten
¥P.F.K.¤A - 25 Sep 2007 00:17 GMT
> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
> We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to have
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
> I've decided that I'll turn one of the small tanks into a tank for the
> Venus Fly Trap

That's pretty cool.  We have a 150 gallon saltwater tank with a 100 gallon
refugium attached to it.   It's been running long enough now to be much less
labor-intensive, but in the beginning, boy was the chemistry fun (that was
my job, taking water samples and running a little chem lab, just as I had
wanted to do since childhood).

Really a fun hobby.  Do you live near any large public aquaria?

A.

and see how that goes and then I think we can finally get rid of
> all the small 20gal and less tanks.
> We're both having fun with this new tank and spending time doing it
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
> We have some nice, slow music playing lightly in the background and it's
> just kind of nice and fun.  ;)
xkatx - 26 Sep 2007 22:15 GMT
>> ...ever since we got a new aquarium!
>> We picked up a nice custom 110gal aquarium the other day.  N seems to
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
> (that was my job, taking water samples and running a little chem lab, just
> as I had wanted to do since childhood).

That would be neat.  I, personally, stay far, far away from marine.  One of
those BTDT things - as beautiful as marine is, it was more of just a short
phase for me and I no longer care to put the time, effort, energy and money
into a salt tank.  However, when the money is there, a nice big marine tank
is one thing I would love to have, complete with someone else to do the
'dirty' work for me.  My patience is just too low for that LOL  I can sit
and watch saltwater, though, for hours!
I went to a small true brackish tank with a figure 8 puffer in it.  I only
went with the figure 8 because he could have gone either way - salt or
fresh - as an adult.  I just kept it in a tiny brackish tank, and that was
effort enough for me hehe

> Really a fun hobby.  Do you live near any large public aquaria?

It definitely is.  A nice tank is always an eye catcher no matter what.
Neat fish grab attention and questions and it can turn into a nice bragging
item!  People seem to always ask about tanks and more often than not, it's a
genuine interest from others regardless.  We've had a couple friends who
have turned into fish fanatics after they've seen ours in the past and now
have some nice tanks going of their own.  There's really nothing around
here, though, as far as anything fish goes.  We do have one fish store that
has a huge shark tank and this place has a public 'shark feeding' on Tuesday
evenings.  There's also a few aquarium clubs here and there and there's the
odd club auction on occasion.

> A.
>
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
>> We have some nice, slow music playing lightly in the background and it's
>> just kind of nice and fun.  ;)
 
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