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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / January 2008Women Sufferings And Infidelity
Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when she finds her husband/partner is sharing with others what was meant for her. The partner is her/his own property and dignity that she does not want to loose. Her man for her is everything, whatever kind he is, she manages and sacrifices to get along as long as he is honest and dependable. Infidelity by her man is attack on her marital status and is suicidal for her: ? She looses the trust and dependability; who would she trust when own man has cheated. She is devastated sensitively and mentally. She leads her tensed life with grieving emotions would be enough to develop mental and physical deceases. ? Both partners believe sexual partner as a personal valuable asset that demonstrates dignity and pride. A sexual partner is most valued partner becomes own dignity thus loosing partner is loosing dignity. Unfaithfulness of the partner is an insult to the personal values. So the matter becomes unbearable and embarrassment if partner's sexual attraction goes into others hands is shameful and loosing self- respect. ? Her financial and other security is at risk. For a woman, her male partner is her security and safety. In addition, for a woman who is dependent, her man is the economic security. Her man shares her necessities, burdens, takes responsibilities of her, and kids. When he is there she is totally worry free. ? Loss of the best and emotional friend/partner she got. She, as she wished could share with partner her sentiments, anger, sorrow and everything of her http://www.dontplayplay.com/html/Bothsexes/20061002/47314.html And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? The most one-sided myopic view I have seen in a while. >Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when >she finds her husband/partner is sharing with others what was meant [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > >http://www.dontplayplay.com/html/Bothsexes/20061002/47314.html > And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? > [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > > >http://www.dontplayplay.com/html/Bothsexes/20061002/47314.html You could replace "women" with "men" in the title and the same would hold true. It's not the sex that matters, but what it means to the person being hurt. Maybe you confused it because you are the perpetrator of pain to someone who loves you. Erin >> And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? >> [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] >same would hold true. It's not the sex that matters, but >what it means to the person being hurt. I agree! But the post does not refect the equal possibility that women are cheaters too, and that some times men get hurt. > Maybe you confused >it because you are the perpetrator of pain to someone who >loves you. > >Erin On the contrary, Erin. I was an abused husband. And I am FED UP with the rather femminist notion that all men are "bad", and they they perpetrate violence and abuse on women - and the assertion that women do not do exactly the same to men. This goes for the "cheating" thing as well. This is, of course, speaking in very general terms since not all men nor all women cheat. There seems to be this mis-informed notion that men are in the majority when it comes to "cheating". Hogwash! Cheating and abuse knows no gender. Men and women do it equally. This is an "inconveinient" truth for femminists Laws that deal with "violence against women" sit as well with me as laws which enshrine "affirmitve action". Why is it unacceptable to have violence against women, and yet NOTHING appears to deal with violence against men? It was not until I tried to seek help as an abused male that I discovered to sickening truth. There were literally HUNDREDS of services for women - counselling, shelters, lawyers....... There was, at least where I live, NOTHING for men. ZERO, NADA, ZIP. I do believe I understand how women must have felt some 40 or more years ago. What has been done for women is a good start, but it must now be applied equally to both sexes. > >> And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? > >> [quoted text clipped - 75 lines] > years ago. What has been done for women is a good start, but it must > now be applied equally to both sexes. I'm sorry you were abused by a woman. I am sure it happens. Statistically, women and children are more abused though, even today. Still, that does not make the pain of a man being abused any the less serious or not meriting medical treatment if necessary. Erin >> >> And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? >> >> [quoted text clipped - 79 lines] >Statistically, >women and children are more abused though, even today. I am not sure I agree. I do believe that women are more often physically abused then men. However, my ex-wife was a master at psychological abuse. Such abuse is much more difficult to observe, since you can't see the bruises. :( Both forms of abuse are, IMHO, unacceptable. > Still, that >does not make the pain of a man being abused any the less serious or >not meriting medical treatment if necessary. > >Erin My ex-wife was in an escelating pattern of abuse. It started with just verbal abuse, them emotional abuse and blackmail, them psychological abuse. Eventually she graduated to physical abuse. It was not long after this that we separated - permanently. I was very fortunate that I got out when I did. Not eveyone is so lucky. How can such people exist? How can a person harm in ANY way the very one they have sworn before God to love? It boggles the mind. >>> And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? >>> [quoted text clipped - 60 lines] > Cheating and abuse knows no gender. Men and women do it equally. This > is an "inconveinient" truth for femminists I am not a big seeker of statistics, as one might tell by the fact that I did not do so here. But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were the greater perps when it comes to cheating. But then that might just be the cheating that ends in divorce and thus becomes a stat. I know not. > Laws that deal with "violence against women" sit as well with me as > laws which enshrine "affirmitve action". Why is it unacceptable to > have violence against women, and yet NOTHING appears to deal with > violence against men? I would say that comes from the history of financial dependance that women had on men for a long, long time. Violence and cheating are not in the same situation in my opinion. For much of our recent history, violence against women was more prevalent than violence against men because of financial dependancy of women and physical superiority of strenght in many men. That is not to say, of course, that it did not happen to men. In more recent times, the trend to advocate, defend and support abused men is slowly gathering force. You see shelter for men. You see courts treating men with more equality. One would wish it would be miraculously solved over night. But I am heartened to see it happening at all. > It was not until I tried to seek help as an abused male that I > discovered to sickening truth. There were literally HUNDREDS of > services for women - counselling, shelters, lawyers....... You kno who started those services, for the most part? Non-profits. Groups with members who were abused and recovered. And reached out to help others. You are the PERFECT candidate for such action. Go NewMan. You can do it. You a member of a church? Find out how to go about it. Got a legislator? Find out his or her address. The grass has roots, man. > There was, at least where I live, NOTHING for men. ZERO, NADA, ZIP. > > I do believe I understand how women must have felt some 40 or more > years ago. What has been done for women is a good start, but it must > now be applied equally to both sexes. >>>> And WOMEN don't ever cheat on their husbands then? >>>> [quoted text clipped - 82 lines] >men with more equality. One would wish it would be miraculously solved over >night. But I am heartened to see it happening at all. God I hope so! I got so screwed in court back then. My ex lied, and I disproved her lies with hard evidence, and the court looked the other way. However if I recited the worng time of day.... <sigh> >> It was not until I tried to seek help as an abused male that I >> discovered to sickening truth. There were literally HUNDREDS of [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >a member of a church? Find out how to go about it. Got a legislator? Find >out his or her address. The grass has roots, man. Well my separation was in 1999, and divorce in 2000. I did some stuff back then. At this time, I volunteer for many things - including the Salvation Army. I am not a member of the Chruch, but they do good work and are one of the very few places where there are programs which include both mens and womens shelters and programs to assist in breaking the cylce of homelessness - even a "pro-bono" legal clinic! So I see things changing - slowly - but chaning nonetheless! Many non-profits are having a tough time while seeking the ver ellusive government funding! The goverment is great at taking money, not so good at giving it back! :( >> There was, at least where I live, NOTHING for men. ZERO, NADA, ZIP. >> >> I do believe I understand how women must have felt some 40 or more >> years ago. What has been done for women is a good start, but it must >> now be applied equally to both sexes. >> You kno who started those services, for the most part? Non-profits. >> Groups with members who were abused and recovered. And reached out [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > ellusive government funding! The goverment is great at taking money, > not so good at giving it back! :( All true. As a society, we often don't seem to do a great job of seeing and solving a problem in its entirety. We break it up into interested parties whom we support; women, African American, hispanic... We are not very good at solving "domestic violence" without bringing in gender, "poverty" without programs directed at specific minorities... > I am not a big seeker of statistics, as one might tell by the fact > that I did not do so here. But I thought the stats clearly showed > that women were the greater perps when it comes to cheating. But then > that might just be the cheating that ends in divorce and thus becomes > a stat. I know not. Every study I've ever seen has men cheating at slightly higher rates than women. Zorra >> I am not a big seeker of statistics, as one might tell by the fact >> that I did not do so here. But I thought the stats clearly showed [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Zorra That's what I get for spouting heresay. > But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were > the greater perps when it comes to cheating. I would guess the rates would be somewhat similar. Most people cheat with one other person, right? So it wouldn't be a small number of one gender cheating 50 times and skewing the statistics. >> But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were >> the greater perps when it comes to cheating. > > I would guess the rates would be somewhat similar. Most people cheat > with one other person, right? So it wouldn't be a small number of one > gender cheating 50 times and skewing the statistics. If women typically cheated with married men, and men more often cheated with single women (or vice versa of course) then the percentages would be skewed one way or the other. Zorra > > But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were > > the greater perps when it comes to cheating. > > I would guess the rates would be somewhat similar. Most people cheat > with one other person, right? So it wouldn't be a small number of one > gender cheating 50 times and skewing the statistics. That'd be my guess too. Though that guess could be wrong - after all, when one person is cheating, it doesn't follow that the person he is cheating with is also cheating. Wasn't it Mark Twain that said: "There are lies, DAMN LIES, and statistics!" ;) >> > But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were >> > the greater perps when it comes to cheating. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >when one person is cheating, it doesn't follow that the person he is >cheating with is also cheating. >> But I thought the stats clearly showed that women were >> the greater perps when it comes to cheating. > > I would guess the rates would be somewhat similar. Most people cheat > with one other person, right? That's debatable because one married person could have sex with any number of married or non-married other people. While it might be easier for the average woman to find a willing sex partner than the average man in the free market, the fact that there is a huge sex industry where men, married and single, are overwhelmingly in the majority as buyers makes me think men may have the edge as cheating perps. Is there a female equivalent to public parks at nighttime etc. for closeted but promiscuous bisexual men? >So it wouldn't be a small number of one > gender cheating 50 times and skewing the statistics. There is also a well-known problem with determining the accuracy of sex surveys that rely on truthfulness of self-reporting. |
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