Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / March 2008

   Thanks, CJ. I knew you would appreciate my situation.

   She had some health issues that precluded our being able to get married.
She didn't want to saddle me with that burden, but she always said she
considered us married regardless. It's sad that others may not share her
feelings on it.

   I'm still sorting papers, notes, clothes, knick knacks, and other
things. It will hurt to let them go, but I feel it is appropriate that
certain things go with her children, and I will certainly hold on to some
things for myself. She was my life for the last 2+ years, and she had my
heart. I can't express how painful it is, but I'm sure you understand.

On Mar 24, 8:57 am, "Tumbleweed" <the.tumblew...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Sorry for your loss.

It always happens that one person has to put their grief on hold to
get things done.  Hopefully you have some responsible people you can
get help from for the minor things that need to be accomplished.
Although some would rather deal with those things to keep their
emotions under control.

When you need to let go and cry it out for a bit, take the time for
it.  It is going to happen no matter what, part of the healing.

If you are religious it can help to remember you will see her again
someday.  That helps me when I am in the thick of it.

Best,
Vickie

   Not very religious, but the priest and I administered last rites before
we disconnected her. I think her son took a small offense at that, but it
wasn't his call to make. As a catholic I'd have been derelict not to have
done so, and I think he didn't know his mom as well as he thought he did.
She was very precious to me.

On Mar 24, 12:57 pm, "Tumbleweed" <the.tumblew...@yahoo.com> wrote:

What a tragedy. My heart goes out to you.

jen

   Thank you, Jen

   Thank you. I am just trying to get the kids through it. I am pretty much
a father to them as well. Their own father is close by, but he has nothing
to do with them, for the most part, but he is their father. It's me they
come to with their problems, and that's okay.

   Thank you. I will do that.

Actually, ML, I lost your number when a former roommate threw a temper
tantrum and started destroying things....my phone was one of them, along
with my laptop, dishes ..... I had him summarily removed via police assist.

On Mar 24, 11:57 am, "Tumbleweed" <the.tumblew...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Sorry man. This sucks in so many ways, I'm at an absolute blank for
words... I'll borrow Yoop's and add prayers for you and yours, too.

- Saul

       Thank you

   Thank you. I can truly understand your anger.

Thank you

Just two years.
You packed a lot into just two years, kids, grandkids.
All Summer in a Day.

   The kids say they aren't going to run away, but time will tell.
Typically families will only maintain contact for a couple of months or so.
If they do continue to keep the relationship, I will be pleasantly surprised
and blessed.

   Thanks, Rog. Her daughters and in-laws all said I gave her two years she
didn't have.
She was my sickly child when I met her, and within a month I had her active
and getting healthy.
For a highly respected hospital to screw up so badly, it's unconscionable.
She was in excellent health,
save her one health issue, and I had that under control and her numbers were
excellent.
   It was the doctor deviating from standard procedure that caused this,
and they further complicated it by failing, for seven hours, to
let any of us know her condition had changed. There are reasons she insisted
I make decisions regarding her health care.
She knew I'd be looking over their shoulder, keeping them under close
observation until she was ready to come home.
   My only regret is that I wasn't already there waiting for her to be
released. I had talked to her at 10 AM that morning, and she was to be
released
at noon, after she had eaten. Knowing I'd done this twice before and they
changed her release time, I held off until she called to let me know for
certain. Well, noon came and went, and I figured they changed the time
again, so I waited until 2:30 PM to call and see what the plan was. This
time the nurse answered the phone and said "Debra can't come to the phone
right now". That was all that was said ...maybe she was in the restroom, I
don't know. Next call I got was close to midnite. Her son called to tell me
she was comatose and in ICU. No one had contacted her kids until 8 PM, and
since I was to be the first and primary contact for these things, they
assumed I had already been called. Her son got concerned when I didn't show
up, so he called to see where I was ..... I was getting ready for bed (I
thought). Her funeral will be Saturday
   THAT was the beginning of the longest 5 days of my life. I can't let
this go unchallenged. I haven't got it to take care of her funeral expenses,
and neither do her children (her youngest had set up a memorial fund for her
at the bank).
   In the words of her primary care physician at the hospital, "This should
not have happened". If the children don't take up the challenge I will. I
will make some calls tomorrow and start setting the pace.