Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / June 2008

I've read some rants of the "anti-women brigade" that women
initiate most divorces but haven't double checked the claim.
Doug L's citation does not address it.

It doesn't give any stats on who precipitated divorces and I
don't think it's practical to gather that data objectively.  With
no fault divorce who precipitated it gets lost in the testimony
that might or might not be objective and cases settled out of
court don't have enough material to guess in many cases.

With no fault there doesn't even need to be an instigator.  I
have friends who were married.  One was sued.  They did an
uncontested divorce immediately to protect the assets of
the partner not being sued.  Neither in the couple instigated
that divorce.  In fact they never separated and eventually
remarried after the court case was gone.

That is exactly what those figures question.  In a fault jurisdiction,
theoretically, the opposite partner initiated it.  Unfortunately, it does
challenge Emma Anne's joking statement (which my wife supports,) that the
husbands need a lady in the house to put it on a list for them, and the
lady of the house has left.

To Doug: The histogram has two colored bars, one for husband-initiated and
one for wife-initiated divorces.  If you are asking "who initiated the
separation?", no, it doesn't give that.  The divorce application has a
place for who decided that the marriage was over, but that isn't the same
thing.

You are probably right about pent-up demand.  The fault concept involves
name-calling and hurtful behaviour in Court that ruins all hope of future
co-operation.  Women in particular hated it, and how can you talk
objectively together about the children's future afterwards?  The children
suffer as a result.  In 1961, we introduced 5 years separation as an
experiment in no-fault, and gave an option to existing cases to convert.
Everybody flocked to it.  The 1981 Act brought it down to one year.  They
were talking about bringing more fault back into property, but not into the
divorce itself.  The theme is to maintain the respect of both parties for
each other, and to see beyond any knee-jerk reaction.  I agree that some
men and women are either hopeless or plain damaging, and don't deserve
that, but they are the minority.

Doug, I am a firm believer in the concept that what you perceive isn't
necessarily true in the abstract, although it is true for you.  At the same
time, there is other anecdotal evidence that things are more one-sided in
the U.S.  Men here have a preconception that they have no hope in custody
cases.  The Chief Judge pointed out that in contested cases, the father
wins more often than the mother.  Shared custody is becoming more popular,
and the system allows for it, although it wouldn't be awarded in a contest,
because the issue in a contest is unfitness.

If you want an obedient, servile wife, you will find one anywhere, and look
for those characteristics, disregarding age.  I don't; I want an equal
partner.

Doug L.