for my father -

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Erin - 09 Jul 2008 18:21 GMT

A divorce would break his heart, and he
is getting old. The stress would be very
dangerous for him. He wants me to take
DH back, and in gratitude for his generous
life-long efforts to help everyone in the family,
I will, come hell or high water.

Erin

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AllYou! - 09 Jul 2008 18:33 GMT

In
news:a3f9b8c6-ad39-4ce3-8805-0debd70e192a@2g2000hsn.googlegroups.com,
Erin <squiggle@sympatico.ca> mused:

> A divorce would break his heart, and he
> is getting old. The stress would be very
> dangerous for him. He wants me to take
> DH back, and in gratitude for his generous
> life-long efforts to help everyone in the family,
> I will, come hell or high water.

Are there any other excuses you could possibly find?

The bottom line is this....... Either the picture you've painted
here of your DH is substantially accurate, or it's not.

If it is, then you've got serious dependency issues if you remain in
a relationship with him, and it's not about any of the BS excuses
that you've given about what the councelors have advised, or his
mental issues, or what your father wants, or anything else. Any
excuse other than your own needs is just a bullshit excuse.

If it's not, but it's your perception that it is, then you've got
serious mental issues for which you need some very serious
treatment.

If it's not, and you know that it's not, then you have a very deep
need for the attention you get for being a victim.

Or, if it's not, and you know that it's not, and it's not the above,
then you're a liar, and you're posting all of this just for the hell
of it.

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Erin - 09 Jul 2008 18:57 GMT

> In
> news:a3f9b8c6-ad39-4ce3-8805-0debd70e192a@2g2000hsn.googlegroups.com,
[quoted text clipped - 27 lines]
> then you're a liar, and you're posting all of this just for the hell
> of it.

I'm not a teenager in love; i am taking all the consequences of
my decision into consideration. So, this one (always on my
mind as my father asked me to take him back) tips the balance;
my DH does have good points after all, and if it were not for
Mrs. Soulmate, i would have been able to handle this crisis with more
grace, and he would have too.

What's the matter AllYou! are you not happy with my decision?
I think it shows strength of character, after all the pain and misery
Mr. Soulmate put me through.

Erin

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AllYou! - 09 Jul 2008 19:38 GMT

In
news:520544b7-54c4-44cd-808f-a2d6c66fc5f4@34g2000hsh.googlegroups.com,
Erin <squiggle@sympatico.ca> mused:

>> In
>> news:a3f9b8c6-ad39-4ce3-8805-0debd70e192a@2g2000hsn.googlegroups.com,
[quoted text clipped - 39 lines]
> I think it shows strength of character, after all the pain and
> misery Mr. Soulmate put me through.

As I've tried to explain to you very many times now, but which you
seem to have great difficulty understanding, I do not care what you
finally decide. I do not know you enough to care. The fact that
you think my comment has anything to do with being happy, or
unhappy, with your decision shows me how easily you misinterpret
what you receive for information.

I also never said that you were a teenager in love, or anything of
the kind. Yet another example of where it seems to me that you
filter what you receive though some lens or other that results in a
totally distorted perception of what was given.

As I've said, it is my honest, and dispassionate opinion that you
are looking for excuses to stay with your DH. I've laid out some of
the reasons why I think you're doing that, but that is my opinion.
You solicited my opinion, and so there it is. What you do with it
is of absolutely no consequence to me, except that I remain
intrigued, if not outright entertained, by your posts.

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Erin - 09 Jul 2008 20:58 GMT

> In
> news:520544b7-54c4-44cd-808f-a2d6c66fc5f4@34g2000hsh.googlegroups.com,
[quoted text clipped - 61 lines]
> is of absolutely no consequence to me, except that I remain
> intrigued, if not outright entertained, by your posts.

It's possible that what you say is true about looking for
excuses to stay with my husband. If so, I am not aware of
looking for exuses. I am aware of weighing the consequences,
and the harm that may result from either decision, not just to me,
but to him, and to my family. Marriage, especially such a long
one, tends to extend its impact on many people and relations.

Erin

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AllYou! - 09 Jul 2008 23:29 GMT

In
news:e5a13004-dd26-4d72-82f8-8b73d6688b8e@a1g2000hsb.googlegroups.com,
Erin <squiggle@sympatico.ca> mused:

>> In
>> news:520544b7-54c4-44cd-808f-a2d6c66fc5f4@34g2000hsh.googlegroups.com,
[quoted text clipped - 71 lines]
> long one, tends to extend its impact on many people and
> relations.

Then, in the face of everything you know, accept whatever decision
you make, and stop whinning about it.

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news - 09 Jul 2008 18:57 GMT

>A divorce would break his heart, and he
> is getting old.

Wait 'til he's dead.

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Erin - 09 Jul 2008 19:15 GMT

> >A divorce would break his heart, and he
> > is getting old.
>
> Wait 'til he's dead.

lol - that's a thought; but DH is like Romeo bleeding; and
now wants to come back home, and says his counsellor
has made him different so he can actually put up with my
character (geez, some other chacracters he knows are
really nasty, but i guess they are better looking -- anyway
none of my business) I think I have to give him a chance to
prove himself, and who knows, maybe that will take a very
long time.

Erin

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Stephanie - 09 Jul 2008 20:35 GMT

> A divorce would break his heart, and he
> is getting old. The stress would be very
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>
> Erin

I am going to speak on this one against my better judgement.

There is a process that a person goes through when they finally become an
adult. It happens the first time a person chooses to do what is right
despite their parents' wishes. IF you are an adult, you are responsible for
yourself and your actions.

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Erin - 09 Jul 2008 21:10 GMT

> > A divorce would break his heart, and he
> > is getting old. The stress would be very
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
> despite their parents' wishes. IF you are an adult, you are responsible for
> yourself and your actions.

Are you suggesting then, that considering my father's condition,
which is just one of many factors in the decision to stay with
my husband, an immature relation with my father? Because,
this is an altruistic act, and has nothing to do with the history
of my relation with my father. I could follow my mother's opinion,
but her health and input into the marriage has not been as
great. One could say that this is a matter of respect, and a
cultural one at that. As for my DH-- obviously i do not hate him,
but rather got hurt by a crisis. Consider also, the fact that he
wants to reconstitute the marriage and would rather work on that
than anything else?

Should I-- in my selfishness, say-- it's time to be free; he can
give me a generous divorce settlement, and i can lead a new life
with no responsibilities or having to work at the marriage? That
would be an easier life for me. I would not have to deal with many
aspect and the stress of being with a medically challenged person.

Erin

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Family Forum / Marriage / Marriage / July 2008

for my father -