Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / February 2007

brought up by the events of the last week, but prompted by Teri's post, and
maybe not unfounded

interested in the replies. I've not spoken much about DS almost 9 because
I've often put it down to a phase. But he is 9 this weekend and we've
'allowed' him to become almost uncontrollable.

He has a strong sense of justice. If you cross it you may as well be dead.
Getting across the concept of 'making nice' is and has never got anywhere
with him. Playing sport such as soccer, where another player just doesn't
get it right is a nightmare - he does persist though, doesn't cut soccer
out.

He hates change. Every new school year is very painful for him. 5 weeks into
the year he has 'accepted' his teachers - he had to get a share-teacher
class didn't he?

Violin lessons are only once a week, it took for ever for him to get used to
the new teacher, and I'm forever indebted to her for not just chucking it
because she didn't need to put up with the behavior - stubborn unrelenting
silence and resistance to doing anything asked of him after a certain point.

This year is his third year of violin, so he has to do two mornings - the
wagon wheels which he did last year, and the string group which is for the
next stage of violin playing. When the players are formally promoted to
string group they drop wagon wheels. DS is highly indignant that he has to
do both. Enough to give the whole violin thing away. Our position is that
you can't just keep giving things away because they don't suit you perfectly
at a point in time. Unfortunately the string group conductor is new to the
school and young children with a heavy accent and high credentials, so some
of her expectations are too high for most of the wagon wheels moving up, but
the string group also has people who have been playing for five years.
Anyways the conductor knows who DS is now.

He does his practice regularly with some enthusiasm with minimal prompting.
He has been told he needs to increase his practice to 20 minutes a day, and
that went down with only a week's worth of complaint.

His circle of friends is small, but loyally supported. Honestly though he
would often prefer to rather just walk his path imagining. Unless he can jag
himself a soccer or sugby (soccer rugby) game. Unfortunately those guys
aren't always keen because of his propensity to get highly upset.

We have had and continue to have lots of conversations about 'anger'
management (not really anger most like having your nose out of joint) and he
has a procedure. Unfortunately it is no longer appropriate for 9 yo and
getting him to progress a bit is extremely slow.

He was supposed to hand in a note to write some tests last Friday. I had
discussed them with both children and pointed out I really wanted them to
write them and it wasn't a negotiable thing. Anyways his hasn't gone in and
is late now - which probably means he won't do them :( - it is the only
formal testing he'll do this year. But a note comes home to do a camp next
term, and he's upset I have signed it. Am I such an ogre for making him
wait?

And I am supposed to be organizing a party for Saturday?
I guess I'll be a grown up and do it with the normal panache, but I am just
so out of synch and out of sympathy with him at the moment ...

My long vent
Marc