Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / July 2007

[snip]

Yes and I have kids that are a lot closer than you. Spawn's
adapted (as usual) to her extended group being gone on vacations,
away at camps, and whatnot. She no less busy (several camps,
school, etc.) which adds complexity to such an normally easy
moment of spontaneity...

You're not alone with this frustration.

The Ranger

it completely depends on the kid you have round. We have some that
require lots of input from me and others that I find fantastic - all I
have to do is throw food at them once in a while and they can play all
day. As K gets older I find more are like that. I love having kids round :)

the book camp sounds great.

Sarah

I hear you!!!

This is where being in a large family is nice. We have TONS of cousins on
both sides of the family and we are all very close. When we wanted to have
friends over to play or for sleepovers, it would always be our cousins. As a
matter of fact, one of my cousins is here for the night with Meme. Not that
we didn't have issues here or there but since we are more like siblings, it
was never hard to find something to do. Having said that, Meme seems to be a
very social little girl and is constantly being invited to friends houses
but we never have any of her friends over and I do feel badly about that.
Most of her friends' have one parent that stays at home whereas both of my
parents work and Meme goes to my aunt's house everyday so it just doesn't
work out as well for us. We do belong to a pool in the summer and she
usually gets to play with her friends when she's there.

Anyways, back on topic... I think it takes a while for kids to figure out
how to compromise when they are playing. For example, Boo may want to play a
certain game but the friend doesn't want to play that particular game so
instead of finding a compromise (i.e. we play this game and then you can
pick the next game), they might keep trying to come up with new ideas that
they BOTH agree on. I think it's really hard for kids who are used to
playing with certain toys or certain people to learn how to adapt in these
sorts of situations. I remember those awkward times when I had friends over.
I think it happens to even the most social kids. I guess my advice would be
to continue to let him have friends over for short visits and hopefully
things will start to improve with "experience".

-Kara.

It wasn't ususal for my other two daughters, but with DD3 who has SID and
other issues including social issues, yes this what happens when dd3 has
friends over. It is very frustrating. I have pretty much just stopped having
friends over for her because it takes too much out of me.

My kids are younger but I can speak from my own experience. When I was
a kid and I wanted to play with my friends, I'd rather go to their
house and play than invite them to come over and play in my house. My
parents were great and we had a very comfortable house but it wasn't a
"get-together" house. You know there are some houses where kids tend
to gravitate iykwim. If they came to my house I used to be so antsy
until they left. I don't remember ever having a sleepover at my house
but I went to my friends' houses several times. Their parents didn't
mind and my parents didn't mind either.

I do hope that I make my house more kid-friendly so that they spend
more time with their friends here. So that I can keep an eye :)