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Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / November 2007how do you cope?
I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what about those that are agnostic or atheist? > I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope > when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course > venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide > in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what > about those that are agnostic or atheist? I think it's essential to cultivate strong friendships, family ties, community ties, etc. It takes a lot of work, but these are the things that tide you over through the rough times. Best wishes, Ericka > I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope > when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course > venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide > in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what > about those that are agnostic or atheist? Although I had my moment (!) I've learned this year that my friends really do want to help. They aren't just saying it, its not because they feel sorry for me or feel that they want to be nice, its because they are genuinely good friends. I have also learned that even in the bad times, if I look at the worst it can be, I will still be me, there will still be life and there still, even amongst the worst of it be joy. I can't say I always feel this way. sometimes life looks really quite crap. But thats the time to remember, it won't always be that way. So how are you coping? Sarah > janes...@gmail.com wrote: > > I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Sarah (I replied yesterday but can't find it in google). I'm a self proclaimed escapist :) I bury myself in something so far out there. I get a new difficult hobby or take a certification exam, run a long distance race or do something that keeps my mind off of it. I do share with friends up to a certain extent. I don't share my troubles with my parents because they are old and worry all the time. My sibling have trouble keeping things to themselves :) > I'm a self proclaimed escapist :) I bury myself in something so far > out there. I get a new difficult hobby or take a certification exam, > run a long distance race or do something that keeps my mind off of it. > I do share with friends up to a certain extent. I don't share my > troubles with my parents because they are old and worry all the time. > My sibling have trouble keeping things to themselves :) I think there are different kinds of issues. There are some things that can be fixed with escapism (my favorite is needlework or reading), but other things that seem to require some human contact. For the latter, you need that social network. Unfortunately, once you're in the soup, it's hard to create that support network quickly on demand. My grandparents moved in with my nuclear family when I was 10 years old and they were still very able bodied. It was great in many ways, but between my family moving a lot (military family) and my grandparents having uprooted themselves from the place they'd lived most of their lives, my grandparents never really developed much of a social network apart from my parents. This became particularly noticeable to me when my grandparents were quite elderly and mostly housebound. The burden on my parents was extraordinary, because they really didn't have much of anyone else. When I saw that, I swore to myself that I would never get into that position and that I would always try to find and nurture good friendships so that no one would feel that they were responsible for meeting all my social needs. It does take a reasonable amount of work, and it's not necessarily work that comes easily to me (I'm not particularly gregarious), but somewhat to my surprise, I've found that it's well worth it. Best wishes, Ericka >> So how are you coping? >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > troubles with my parents because they are old and worry all the time. > My sibling have trouble keeping things to themselves :) I'm trying to get away from using escapism to a certain extent as I find that I tend to get very worn out and then that throws me into depression. The combination of working exceptionally hard with background stresses is too much personally. I think people here are right that you need a portfolio of coping skills as no method is right for all circumstances. I hope that what ever is cuasing you stress eases off soon. On Nov 14, 1:23 pm, janes...@gmail.com wrote: > I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope > when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course > venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide > in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what > about those that are agnostic or atheist? <popping back in for a bit... *waves at everyone*> Try *years*... lol There's a lot of history to that comment that some here may remember. I will tell you this much - I didn't have anyone to confide in (other than online) when I was younger. I'm finally developing in-person friendships where I can find some real support. Took 40+ years to do it, but it's finally happening - just as it's gotten to where I have no more strength or energy to deal with the problems. Hang in there. There will be good days and bad days, but you'll get through it. Kitten > On Nov 14, 1:23 pm, janes...@gmail.com wrote: >> I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Kitten Wow Kitten. There is a name I haven't seen in a while. Hope you are well. Cindi On Nov 14, 10:20 pm, "Cindi - HappyMamatoThree" <lonnicusuoTAKEME...@yahoo.com> wrote: > > On Nov 14, 1:23 pm, janes...@gmail.com wrote: > >> I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > > Wow Kitten. There is a name I haven't seen in a while. Hope you are well. Good days and bad days. Chewy and I were seperated for 3 months, I've been back at the farm for about a month now, and I'm thinking that maybe I went back too soon. C'est la vie. Kitten > Good days and bad days. Chewy and I were seperated for 3 months, I've > been back at the farm for about a month now, and I'm thinking that > maybe I went back too soon. C'est la vie. I am really sorry to hear of the challenges. Sometimes we want things to work so bad that we jump in before we are ready to ride again. You are in my thoughts Cindi > Kitten Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe <st_brigids_gate_farm@yahoo.com> wrote in news:5afb1fda-6d4d-486d-8f0d-156beafff63b@y5g2000hsf.googlegro ups.com: > <popping back in for a bit... *waves at everyone*> you owe me email Lady! ;) i want updates... lee <or catch me on one of the Trillian ids> > Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe <st_brigids_gate_f...@yahoo.com> > wrote innews:5afb1fda-6d4d-486d-8f0d-156beafff63b@y5g2000hsf.googlegro [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > i want updates... > lee <or catch me on one of the Trillian ids> Check your email. > <popping back in for a bit... *waves at everyone*> Hey Kitten :) lovely to see you popping back in here! > > <popping back in for a bit... *waves at everyone*> > > Hey Kitten :) lovely to see you popping back in here! :-) Thanks. Hope things are stabilizing for you. Kitten >I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope > when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course > venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide > in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what > about those that are agnostic or atheist? I cope a thousand ways. Friends, family, faith, tears, a nap, pitching a fit, a good scream, a walk, a thousand ways. I don't have a lot of close friends but I do have a lot of siblings who are my friends as well and we spend lots of time together. When it takes months to get through things I can only say I keep plugging along. I may use many different coping methods for each problem at any time. I guess that really isn't much of an answer. Sorry. Cindi >I cope a thousand ways. Friends, family, faith, tears, a nap, pitching a >fit, a good scream, a walk, a thousand ways. I don't have a lot of close >friends but I do have a lot of siblings who are my friends as well and we >spend lots of time together. When it takes months to get through things I >can only say I keep plugging along. I may use many different coping methods >for each problem at any time. I guess that really isn't much of an answer. That's a good answer- there being many different coping methods, depending on the problem. Coping with useless anger by washing dishes or cleaning is something I've done for years. Coping with stress from moving, or finals in college, warrants a call to my mom complete with tears and the phrase "I want my mama!!" Many people turn to drugs, or alcohol, or excessive spending. My family and friends though are most important in my life. Some of the most peaceful times in my life have been hours spent sitting at my in-law's house, in the kitchen or the patio, just hanging out and talking. Unwinding like that helps the mind to calm down some. I think it's really important to have at least *a* friend, if not more. We have mom's nights out which are soooo important to all of us who participate. It's like having our batteries charged to last another few weeks. Marie >I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope >when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course >venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide >in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what >about those that are agnostic or atheist? I actually have more friends as I'm getting older, more meaningful friends. I call my mama and cry if I need to. It's either her or my friends, whichever one(s) I think would understand the issue more. My mom also talks to me if she can't talk to her husband. I am agnostic and before I got to this point religion never helped me anyway. Do you not have friends to talk to at all? Marie > I see Kiticat's melodramatic moment but seriously, how do you cope > when things don't seem to get better for months? Other than of course > venting here. As we grow older we have fewer friends we can confide > in. It's a nice thought to hang on to God/Religion/Faith but what > about those that are agnostic or atheist? Sometimes I break out my favourite computer game and play for, oh it depends, two - four - six hours until I am so sick of the problem running through my head that I am prepared to forget about it. I've also been known to send long letters / emails to DH about exactly what my grievances are. It is too hard talking to him because he has this habit of hijacking conversations back onto what he wants to talk about. He still sometimes reads the last one I sent him about 2 years ago. Just don't do accusations - keep it from your POV. On shorter sharper momentary issues I scream and stamp my feet and get over it ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marc |
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