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Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / December 2007Very sad story
http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned Every child is a gift, as the saying goes. But in a case that has stoked outrage on two continents, a Dutch diplomat posted in Hong Kong has been accused of returning his eight-year-old adopted daughter like an unwanted Christmas necktie. The story, which first appeared in the South China Morning Post on Dec. 9, began seven years ago, when Dutch vice consul Raymond Poeteray and his wife, Meta, adopted then-four-months-old Jade in South Korea. The couple, who also have two biological children, brought Jade with them to Indonesia and then to Hong Kong in 2004, although Poeteray never applied for Dutch nationality for the child - a curious oversight, given that he worked in a consulate. Then, last year, the Poeterays put Jade in the care of Hong Kong's Social Welfare Department, saying they could no longer care for her because of the girl's emotional remoteness. *********************************** While uncommon, it is not unprecedented for an adoption to fail and a child to be returned to foster care. According to The Times of London, an estimated 10% of British adoptions of children under 10 ultimately fail. International adoptions, which may involve children suffering from neglect or deprivation, can be particularly difficult, according to a U.K. government advisory quoted in the article. According to a 2005 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry, young adult international adoptees in the Netherlands were much more likely than native-born adolescents to develop mood disorders and substance abuse problems. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits > http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned > [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > -- > Dorothy Very sad story - and the 10% figure, which must be higher for international adoptions - speaks to the fact that a fairly large number of people can't handle adoption. People who tout adoption as the primary solution for unwanted pregnancies need to wise up - one in ten kids will be unplaceable. It's actually more than that, worldwide. What really grinds my gears in this story is that the Poeterays kept the child for so long, and abandoned her just at the age where she is probably totally unadoptable. Why didn't they treat her the way they would have treated a remote (perhaps autistic) bio-child? Hmmm? Would they have put their own bio-progeny in hong kong's social welfare department? Atalanta > There is no sound, no cry in all the world > that can be heard unless someone listens .. > > The Outer Limits >> http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned >> >> Every child is a gift, as the saying goes. But in a case that has >> stoked outrage on two continents, a Dutch diplomat posted in Hong Kong >> has been accused of returning his eight-year-old adopted daughter like >> an unwanted Christmas necktie. This is just broke my heart. When we had foster children growing up, some of them were just throwaways. No one wanted them. Grandma would say yes, take them for six months, and so can't do it anymore, so they would pass them around until finally came to a dead end of no one else there to say yes. How very sad. Cindi The story, which first appeared in the >> South China Morning Post on Dec. 9, began seven years ago, when Dutch >> vice consul Raymond Poeteray and his wife, Meta, adopted [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] >> >> The Outer Limits > This is just broke my heart. When we had foster children growing up, > some of them were just throwaways. No one wanted them. Grandma would > say yes, take them for six months, and so can't do it anymore, so > they would pass them around until finally came to a dead end of no > one else there to say yes. > How very sad. Indeed it is, but it is not at all what is going on with Jade. The parents are seeking treatment for her, why are they being dragged through the mud for that? They should have just shrugged and ignored the girls problems. Now /that/ would be abandonment!  SignatureMo >> This is just broke my heart. When we had foster children growing up, >> some of them were just throwaways. No one wanted them. Grandma would [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > for that? They should have just shrugged and ignored the girls problems. > Now /that/ would be abandonment! Only having read one side of the story, I am glad to see yours, and I need to do some research and understand dutch international adoption. I am guilty of assuming that international adoption works the same way everywhere else as it does here. The image most media has projected of this adoption puts an incredibly bad spin on the parents actions. Thank you for reminding me to look at both sides of this one. I think the big reason it has become such a news story is because there is a Dutch government official involved. It makes a much bigger "story". Cindi > Very sad story - and the 10% figure, which must be higher for > international adoptions - speaks to the fact that a fairly large [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > worldwide. > What really grinds my gears in this story It is indeed a /story/. > is that the Poeterays kept > the child for so long, and abandoned her No they didn't. > just at the age where she is > probably totally unadoptable. Why would she want to be adopted twice though? > Why didn't they treat her the way they would have treated a remote > (perhaps autistic) bio-child? Sigh, they /did/. And they /do/. > Hmmm? Would they have put their own > bio-progeny in hong kong's social welfare department? Poor parents, poor child, faced with such ill-informed judgements from all over the world. SignatureMo > http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > Hong Kong's Social Welfare Department, saying they could no longer > care for her because of the girl's emotional remoteness. Totally incorrect. The girl has serious problems (emotionally, psychologically, etc.) and has been undergoing treatment for those for years. Unfortunately the treatment didn't work, so it was mutually decided to place the child in a treatment programme where she could be treated more intensively, .i.e. in-patient treatment. The couple has /not/ given up their daughter, have /not/ relinquished their rights nor have they any intention to do so. I think it is rather sad, this whole discrimination of both adoptive parents and adoptive child, for if it was one of their biological children that was in the treatment programme they would never have been dragged through the mud like this. It goes to show just how second-rate the world deems adoption versus reproduction. > *********************************** > > While uncommon, it is not unprecedented for an adoption to fail and a > child to be returned to foster care. As things stand, neither has happened here. > According to The Times of London, > an estimated 10% of British adoptions of children under 10 ultimately > fail. International adoptions, which may involve children suffering > from neglect or deprivation, can be particularly difficult, according > to a U.K. government advisory quoted in the article. Most home adoptions in the UK /also/ involve children suffering from neglect or deprivation, that's *why* they are available for adoption... > According to a > 2005 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry, young adult > international adoptees in the Netherlands were much more likely than > native-born adolescents to develop mood disorders and substance abuse > problems. Why was the Netherlands singled out? It's not like there are no international adoptions in other countries /or/ that those children don't have any problems. The only difference - it would seem to me - is that in countries like the US adoption (including international adoption) is so very easy and quick. FYI, the waiting period for one child to be adopted internationally is 4-5 years here, and expected to move up to 7-9 years shortly. Gives the parents a whole lot more time to prepare and educate themselves than those in countries where they do quicky international adoptions. And, by the by, certain groups of adolescents born to immigrants are much more likely to have issues as well, even though they grew up with their biological parents... SignatureMo >Then, last year, the Poeterays put Jade in the care of >> Hong Kong's Social Welfare Department, saying they could no longer [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >dragged through the mud like this. It goes to show just how second-rate the >world deems adoption versus reproduction. I can believe that the girl has problems and serious ones. Many children do. It sounds, though, like the reporters screwed up the story if in truth the couple has simply placed her in an in-patient treatment programme. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits > http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned > > Every child is a gift, as the saying goes. But in a case that has > stoked outrage on two continents, a Dutch diplomat posted in Hong Kong > has been accused of returning his eight-year-old adopted daughter like > an unwanted Christmas necktie. The Dutch are an EVIL and amoral people. >> http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20071219/wl_time/cananadoptedchildbereturned >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >The Dutch are an EVIL and amoral people. This does not happen *only* in the Netherlands. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
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