Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / September 2008

Well, growing up for me...
In the neighbourhood... The neighbours that my parents were friends with and
us kids were friends with were known as "Auntie and Uncle" - if they were
good friends of my parents.  The neighbours that were older and didn't have
kids our age were most likely Mr. and Mrs.
To this day, that still remains.  The next door neighbour that is now
probably 80ish is still Mrs. Becker to me - and she keeps insisting we call
her, now as adults, Doris.  I just can't do it, although it's not that I
don't *want* to, really.  My parents still call her Mrs. Becker.  The
neighbours that are my parents' age that have the kids (now adults!) that we
grew up with... Still the same... I still call old (then) close childhood
friends' parents Auntie Shirley and Uncle Fred, for one example.  And the
same goes for them - they still refer to my parents as Auntie and Uncle lol
I have no friends that my kids call Aunt or Uncle that aren't related -
other than 2.  My 2 best friends, one dating back to elementary school (who
is also DS's godmother) - she is Auntie Leanna, and one from jr. high - she
is Auntie Leah.  To my friend Leah's DS, I am Auntie as well (and the other
friend has no children)
We also have a couple good friends - they are known by their first names to
my kids, and we go by our first names for their kids.  Quite frankly, I do
NOT want to be known as "Mrs-Something" to all the kids... That's just maybe
a personal thing for me.  It actually kind of bothers me to be called a Mrs,
Ms or Miss at DS's school lol

...if that rambling makes ANY sense at all...

I can't stand being called "Mrs" anything. A few of the kids' friends call
me Miss Marie, and it's all right (and it's easier to pay attention to than
when they run up yelling "X's mom, X's mom, X got hurt!" lol I'd rather not
be called anything except my name. I don't push the Mr. or Mrs. with my
children, either.(or ma'am or sir) Of all the adults I called Mr. or Mrs.
when I was little, I still only call one Miss Betty. This same lady who
taught me as a child has taught all three of my children so we all call her
Miss Betty. No one that I know pronounces the Mrs. properly either, it's
always "Miss" or "Mister". We use Aunt and Uncle maybe half the time, but
it's not out of respect, it's out of love and it's definately not any kind
of proof of having good manners. It also helps prevent confusion if you know
more than one person with the same name. Growing up, we called people Mr and
Mrs but I remember I called my mom's best friend by her name, without the
Mrs, and I also called my best friend's mom by her name.

As for what I consider actual manners- phone manners, table manners, and in
public manners, my children and their friends don't have problems with any
of these, but I have had problems with a couple of family members. One had a
tantrum in the store at age 10 and was pouty and petty the whole weekend she
stayed here. And as much as she wants to come back, I will not allow a
child(that old!) who behaves that way to stay with me. And I have neices who
refuse to eat just about anything and will only eat fried cheese sticks,
chicken nuggets, corn dogs and cheese pizza. They will not even taste a new
food. My childrens' friends who stay at my house will eat anything and will
try anything new.
Marie

I didn't comment on this part earlier. There were certain parents who were
more open to communication with their kids' friends, and I think those are
more likely to be joked around with. I have a group of friends and all of
our daughters are good friends and house-hop frequently, and they all are
also close to all the moms. It feels really great, and all the moms have
talked about it and appreciate the openness.
My mom's best friend growing up was always-to me-very strange. Her family
was so quiet, and at dinner time no one talked, smiles at their house were
very rare. So I wouldn't have dared joked or even talked unless I was asked
a question. Their daughter and I were friends until we grew up and parted
ways. But then my best friend's family was very open and funny and talkative
and I wouldn't have dared NOT joked or talked at her house. Thankfully we
are still close friends after all this time.
Do you think maybe they are more casual with you because you allow them to
be, and you don't make them feel awkward?
I just hope that having friends like that means if there is trouble they
will feel they can talk to you about it. My oldest is only 13 and there's
been no real trouble yet so I guess we'll see!
Marie

I insist (should say when they were very young I used to insist, now they
just do) that when people come to visit my children come up and greet them
and when it's time to leave, the children come to say good bye. I'm often at
other people's homes where the children offer a cursory wave without their
eyes leaving the tv.  My kids ask if anyone else wants the last piece of
whatever, before taking it.  During holiday or extended family dinners, the
kdis ask if they can be excused from the table.
Teri

We're strict on manners

Actually we *were* strict - no need to be now as everywhere we take
Tyler we have people commenting on his beautiful manners.

I don't like the kids being on equal footing with adults as much as
they are today - call me a prude but there ya go.   Kids today (at
least here in New Zealand) are taught of all their rights, that they
are equal to adults etc, but they're not taught any
responsibilities....

We always introduce people to Tyler as "Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss" etc, then
it's up to them to say if they want him to call them by their first
name.

Sue from NZ