Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / July 2009

Some things are simply too good to pass up and when the Muse presents
herself in such a flamboyant manner, you just go with the flow. All three of
my daughter-units are now at the stage in life where they need to receive
the HPV series. On a recent trip to the pediatrician, the following scene
unfolded.

We arrived at the pediatrician's office on time, which for me lately, means
exactly at the appointment time, not the "five minutes before" normally
recommended.

As we exited my vehicle, Daughter-units Alpha and Beta were in full
teenangster mode.

"Why do we need a physical?"

"Because it's required."

"I don't want one."

"That's nice. This way."

"I'm staying in the car!"

"You're getting out of the car. Either through your own power or mine..."

"You can't _make_ me!"

"Do you _really_ wanna go there?"

And so it continued for the next twenty feet of foot-shuffling,
sneaker-dragging moon-walking pain-and-suffering.

Thankfully, the dialogue stopped the moment we hit the waiting room. I
checked us in and watched as Spawn hippity-hopped into the "Wellness Room"
with D-uA stuck standing fast in the doorway holding it and glaring at me. A
Dad Look(tm) was able to dislodge her and she continued her shuffling in
after her youngest sister. D-uB was quietly standing by me when Nurse
Kratchet looked up with, "Oh good. You remembered. Where are your sisters?
Take this and bring it back here."

"This is so gross!"

"I know." NK's lack of sympathy for the grossness factor was clearly
communicated.

I called for the other two and then went to wait quietly in the Wellness
Room. It was filled with other Dads and assorted children, big and little,
short and tall, loud and very loud. I sat in a chair and pulled open my book
to read. Soon, Spawn appeared. With her  normal bubbly socialite's grace she
immediately set to organizing her court. The six girls and the five boys
simply nodded as she set them to quietly playing and pretending. The father
across the room voiced, "Listen to that... Quiet. I wish she'd come in
sooner."

D-uA and D-uB soon appeared and plopped down in the connected seats. The
bench lurched against the wall with a loud "Thump!"

"Do you do that at home?" I asked.

"No," I heard in unison.

I didn't say anything, just looked up from my book in their direction.

"No, dad. We're sorry."

"Do we need to go outside and come back in?"

"No, dad."

I sat there and looked from one to the other until they knew their Attitude
was done.

Nurse Kratchet, someone of Norwegian ancestry, poked her head through the
doorway. The general looks of panic from almost every child there caused
play to stop. She called for Clan Ranger to follow her. As she ran point on
my herd, I was clean-up, we followed all the way to the last room. As I'm
wont to do in such situations, I started mooing... Nurses Jones and Bluecha
laughed as we trundled past their station.

We entered the room and Nurse Kratchet handed me a sheet listing all sorts
of information. All three girls realized what the data sheet meant and
started to protest but I was already signing-here-and-initial-there. I
crossed all the "i's" dotted every "t" quickly. NK left the room to get the
inoculations schtuff. It was interesting to see how each daughter-unit threw
their siblings under the approaching bus.

"She goes first. She's the youngest."

"She should go first. She's the oldest."

"She should go first. She's used to getting shots."

A quick knock, and in entered Nurse Kratchet. Spawn saw the needles and
performed a perfect mimic of Jamie Lee Curtis' Scream-O'-Death. An 11-yo can
grab an enormous amount of air and expel it quite quickly. This involuntary
panic put her right at the front of the queue. Nurse Kratchet daubed her
arm, pinched, poked and bandaged the area in three breaths.

In the past, I've had it noted that there are many positive things about
being the eldest. **I** can never think of any but I'm assured they're
there... One of the many negatives is being the first for everything -- and
that generally includes shots. I've also pointed out (in the past) my
absolute hatred of anything resembling a needle. D-uA is an acorns that fell
right by the trunk. Even being second this time didn't reduce her complaints
about "always being "first."

"Submit all complaints in triplicate, typed. Wait six weeks for your
answer."

As I said, Nurse Kratchet was good. D-uA was still protesting (although
rock-steady as if rooted in place) when NK wiped, jabbed, and pumped. D-uB,
who _was_ looking, never saw her inject her arm; she felt it but it was over
quickly. It was amazing. The older two were done before I blinked and NK was
back out the door. I looked at all three and asked, "Was it really that
bad?"

"Yes!" I got in unison again.

Despite the Trauma I'd put them through, all three did a fine job of
upholding Clan Ranger's honor. I was very proud. It is also "policy" that
any kids that get shots also get an Otterpop (a popsicle) on their way out.

The Good Doctor examined all three girls and we were walking back to the car
when I the nurses called over to me.

Nurse Blueka asked, "Why do you always moo when you take them down there?"

"Because you might get offended if I called out, 'Dead girls walkin'! Get
the cots and shots!'"

All three nurses laughed as we headed back outside and into the afternoon
sunlight.

The Ranger